After Charlie's Funeral WARNING : Sex, Drugs, Bad language, Adult stuff, Short


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Thread: After Charlie's Funeral WARNING : Sex, Drugs, Bad language, Adult stuff, Short

  1. #1
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    After Charlie's Funeral WARNING : Sex, Drugs, Bad language, Adult stuff, Short

    I said my last goodbye to Charlie's sister Moodge with a a hug and a light kiss ,wishing her luck and remembering her as a quirky little girl tagging along with her big brother all those years ago. Funerals were never easy, and this one had its moments.My old friend Charlie had died suddenly in Colorado, where he'd lived since college, and the local ceremony took him to his family grave out at the end of St. Joseph Street. I declined Moodge's invitation to brunch and headed towards home.

    Halfway across town I spotted a Mom and Pop Grocery on Walnut Street and pulled into the only available space. I found what I wanted and watched the slim redhead at the register give change to a squat Puerto Rican buying a pack of cigarettes and some lottery tickets. Her kinky hair was pulled back into a ponytail and her milky white sweater hung loosely around her, giving her rosy skin and pink lips a creamy luminescence.

    I stepped up and put the box on the counter. 'Two nineteen', she said, looking at me with an appraising smile .'Will you be using these soon, sir, or would you like a bag? Here's your change.' Her fingers lingered on my hand just that little bit of a second and I took the plunge.

    'Sure I'm going to use them; that's why I bought them, Brittany.' Her nameplate was pinned just above her left breast. 'Like to help me?' I asked, giving a little nod and thumb wave towards my car.

    I'm not sure. You don't exactly look the type.

    'Don't let the suit fool you; I just came from a funeral, so how 'bout it. We could have some fun And call me PJ'.

    She looked out the window, thinking. 'Why not," she said, stepping out from the counter wearing an ankle-length patchwork skirt and some Doc Martens, looking like a true hippie girl from the early '70's. 'have to take a break here, Mabel, be back in a while.' The woman stocking cigarettes at the other end of the counter turned and gave me a steely once-over.

    Sure, hon, but I gotta leave by 4.

    So what's the deal? , I asked. You can just take a break any time?

    Pretty much. My Old Man owns the place, so yeah. We were standing on the curb waiting to cross to the Volvo.

    What do you mean, old man? Your old man or your Old Man?

    'My father.' I clicked the remote. 'Nice car. I was going to tell you to stuff it if you had a clunker, but that's pretty cool.'

    So why don't you get us started. I handed her the papers and she took out two sheets , licked one and pressed them together.

    Where is it?

    "Glove compartment", I said, reaching over and popping the door.

    She took out the ziplock and put her nose into it, smelling deeply. 'Whew! That's gotta be some good shit. Hope it doesn't kill me; it's been awhile, almost two years. Gave it up for Lent last year and just never got back into it. I'm starting to get a buzz just smelling it.'

    'Why are you here', I asked, 'with some old dude you don't know from Adam?'

    My horoscope. Said I should take advantage of a chance meeting today, expand my horizons. Besides, I like a little adventure now and then.

    Your horoscope, the one in the back of the paper? You believe that garbage?. You don't mind me calling Brit, do you? And I'm PJ.

    She rolled a tight one and was about to light up when I gave her a little hand wave to hold on. She looked at me sideways, the joint in her left hand between her forefinger and thumb.

    'My wife', I said. 'We should probably wait. She smells that stuff in here and I'll be living in a cardboard box somewhere.'

    We got to the cemetery, back the long lane to where Charlie was buried. The tent for the ceremony was still there, the chairs removed but the thin green carpet remained, and we shielded ourselves against the sharp November wind as she lit up. That crap was nasty, and we both coughed and gagged on the first toke. 'Man it's cold out here. Should have worn a better jacket' She shivered..

    Don't worry about it, I have just what you need.

    'Take this', I said, going into the back seat of the Volvo for my green wool topcoat. I draped it around her shoulders and turned her to face me. 'God you're beautiful. And that green against your hair...' I pulled the coat tightly around her, putting up the collar and buttoning the top while while she grabbed the rest of the coat around her.

    Whew, where'd you get the weed?'she asked.

    One of the guys at the burial, told me it was from Charlie's home-grown stash. The least I can do for Charlie is to smoke one for him'. We each took another hit.

    'Wow.' We stood there, waving in the breeze, that last hit sending us into space. 'Holy shit' , she said,'I am just, whew, blasted. I forgot how horny this stuff makes me.' She started to giggle, and I took her face in my hands, told how god damn beautiful she was and kissed her, softly at first but then harder, my tongue testing her lips and everything after. She responded slowly at first but soon her lean body was grinding against mine, each of us in a foggy light place of ecstasy.

    We heard it simultaneously, the gravediggers' truck bouncing down the rutted lane toward us.

    Maybe we should leave.

    Yeah, sure.

    She reclined, stoned, and my hand moved up her thigh, her skirt sliding back until I came to her silk. She moaned lowly as I gently pressed her panties, moving forward in the seat and clutching my forearm as I rubbed her softly. She began to swell, and I felt the fullness of her, her hand tightening on my arm, begging me to go deeper.

    Back at the store I was able to pull into the same spot.

    'Man that stuff was good. Happy we didn't smoke the whole joint, we'd be seriously wasted. I mean one hit and I was pretty fucked up, but I sure had a good time. Thanks for letting me use that coat, and don't forget about me.'

    I had a good time with or without the weed, Brit. You're a pretty great woman. I like you. And I want you to keep the coat.

    No, I couldn't do that, I mean what would your wife say, and my God, it's beautiful.

    I want to give you something, something you'll remember me by. Something I can picture you in.

    Remember me by? You're not getting rid of me this quickly are you?

    No, Brit. I imagine you'll get rid me first, once you meet someone your age, but 20 years from now when your daughter's about to go off to college and asks you where you got that coat, you'll be able to say that an old friend gave it to you because you were cold. And when that nosey old bitch asks you where you got it, tell her we stopped at a yard sale and you picked it up for 5 bucks.

    She laughed and put her hand on my arm. 'You know where to find me'.
    Last edited by felixm; September 24th, 2016 at 04:05 AM.

  2. #2
    Member dither's Avatar
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    I'd like to crit this but i like it, a lot.


    "Whew, where'd you get the weed?'she asked."
    You don't ask such questions.
    Would have preferred "man this is good shit ", line repeated, i know.

    "And I want you to keep the coat."
    "Would really like". A personal preference, to want.
    "Keep it, it's cool."

    I'm just a reader and i really like this felixm.


    Last edited by dither; September 25th, 2016 at 02:29 PM.
    If i post a comment on a "WIP", LOOK! I'm a reader that's all, and i can only tell how i feel, as a READER, giving/offering feedback. Hoping to learn and grow here. So please, tell me where i'm going wrong.

    Me? I'm just a fly on the wall.

    Look! I'm trying, okay?

    One can but dream, if only i had dared.

    "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong" Mahatma Gandhi.
    Alas, i am weak.

    I must find a way to Eastbourne and i so wish that i could dance.

  3. #3
    This is well written and I quite like this type of glimpse-of-life story, so it was an enjoyable read. I think you need a bit more interaction between the girl in the store and your main character before she agrees to go outside with him. As it stands it seems a little unbelievable that any girl would trust an older man, who is a stranger, so quickly - but I'm old and maybe it's not as unrealistic as I believe?

    I noticed a continuity problem... The first two words of your second paragraph seem to say that he drives away from the funeral for some distance before he notices the store but then he walks with the girl back to the cemetary.

    You also have a couple of missing words which you'll catch when you edit and it may be just me, but I think 'moaned low' sounds better than 'moaned lowly.'

    Good read and I enjoyed it. I can't help wondering how he's going to explain the loss of his coat to his wife though. Don't ever imagine that she won't notice it's missing!

  4. #4
    Interesting read, but I also agree with jenthepen that you need to put some more interaction before the girl would trust him. Just doesn't quite seem believable. You also need to watch your formatting as some of your text is clumped together. If you look it over you'll see what I mean.

    I'd like to point out that I especially enjoyed your ending.

  5. #5
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    Thanks very much!

  6. #6
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    Thanks jenthepen. It is unrealistic! and I'm old, too.

  7. #7
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    Thank you.

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