It Is Still Summer


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Thread: It Is Still Summer

  1. #1

    It Is Still Summer

    It Is Still Summer

    It's still summer, feels awesome,
    I don an old and blue blouse.
    in the tones of the wind chime,
    I mow the lawn outside my house.

    A train passing by gives loud sounds,
    Going through fast without rest.
    Flowing in the sky are some clouds;
    Behind them the sun sinks west.


    This Saturday afternoon,
    My sweat drops will moisturize
    the leaves that will fall soon,
    Adding beauty to the autumn sights.


    (After reading Autumn Within By Longfellow. Images such as cold, old, silence and so on in his poem sound sad ... )
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    奇遇 The Wonder of Encounters: A collection of short stories By Minglu Zheng

  2. #2
    Quote Originally Posted by xiaoman View Post
    It Is Still Summer

    It's still summer, feels awesome,
    I don an old * and* blue blouse.** cut "and"
    in the tones of the wind chime,
    I mow the lawn outside my house.

    A train passing by gives loud sounds,
    Going through fast without rest.
    Flowing in the sky are some clouds;*** Use this opportunity to add drama to your imagery...
    Behind them the sun *sinks* west.** sinks is generic... be creative...


    This Saturday afternoon,
    My sweat drops will moisturize** hahaa, not sure how sweat adds moisture and beauty to Autumn....
    the leaves that will fall soon,
    Adding beauty to the autumn sights.


    (After reading Autumn Within By Longfellow. Images such as cold, old, silence and so on in his poem sound sad ... )





    as always, xiaoman, you poetry charms with it's simplicity.... Just a few thoughts you can ponder... hahaa... anyway.. thank you...

  3. #3
    hello - a nice upbeat poem relating the joys of a late summer.

    good points made above, and can only add that 'awesome' is not a great word choice
    in the first line - overused, it seems these days, for things that blatantly do not evoke awe.
    which sounds like the case here.
    maybe, needs something more sincere and original.

    in the tones of the wind chime - is really nice
    Ned
    grasp the mettle of things unsaid
    and strike the nail upon the head

  4. #4
    light and breezy read..cool
    The only one who can heal you is you.




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