Where Do Dragons Go?

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Thread: Where Do Dragons Go?

  1. #1

    Where Do Dragons Go?

    Tanit's silver scales turned to tarnish
    her emerald eyes empty and dim
    she wept as she was dying
    and her wounded webbed wings withered

    Ruby blood stained the stones
    puddles pooled around her
    silver scales shivered with sorrow
    and her wounded webbed wings withered

    A new star shimmered in the silver sky
    as the Dragon breathed her last breath
    a wicked wind raged and wailed
    and her wounded webbed wings withered

    That emerald star in the shimmering sky...
    is that the dragon's eye?
    The weeping wind that woos the night...
    is that from the Dragon's flight?

    Who really knows where Dragons go
    when at last, their webbed wings wither...

    ***Tanit, a Phoenician myth name of a goddess of love, moon and stars
    possibly meaning "Serpent Lady [Dragon]
    Last edited by Firemajic; August 19th, 2016 at 09:48 PM. Reason: Thank you amsawtell...

  2. #2

    In a Dragon's Eye

    Julia (Firemajic)

    The feeling, depth, and tone, of this piece runs through a gamut of emotions: sadness, wonder, joy, and sorrow.

    Sadness and sorrow at hearing about this living goddess, this wondrous dragon, withering and dying away. This readers eye’s watered up as those magnificent wings withered and disappeared into the ether.

    Wonder and Joy at looking up in the sky and seeing her eye. Her wings healed and fully spread. That Tanit, (The Goddess of Love) still lives in the stars watching over us. Who really knows? I know through hope and belief, as this poem hints and indicates at.

    The only nit, S1L3- typo-missed s- (a) to (as).

    The musicality of this piece through your brilliant use of alliteration and assonance made this piece sing and soar within my inner ear as I danced with Tanit in the bright corridors of my mind.

    All the verses were masterly written but the most breathtaking one was (at least for me) S3- It sang to my soul- The imagery in this Stanza is truly magnificent.

    A new star shimmered in the silver sky
    as the Dragon breathed her last breath
    a wicked wind raged and wailed
    and her wounded webbed wings withered

    The second line is a most wondrous line to speak out. It doesn’t just trip off your tongue it makes your tongue moist up in wonder.

    This poem is a creative masterpiece, a pure delight to read and ponder on. What makes this a truly great poem is the pure musicality of the piece without rhyme; done through the masterful use of wordcraft using alliteration and assonance to perfection.

    Now I love dragons, myth, and the gods---you wrote a piece that truly wove its way into my heart.

    This I can honestly say is your best work and that’s saying a lot, the pinnacle of your dragon series.

    My warmest
    Nature weeps, the devil sings
    at mans greed and pride
    and what it brings

    Just lots of useless
    little things

  3. #3
    That was an enjoyable read that tripped my tongue as well as my emotions.
    I wondered initially if the alliteration had been overdone, but a second read had me feeling that it was fine, and just added to the piece's power.

    I keep having my eye pulled to S3 L2 "as the Dragon breathed her last breath" and trying to feel ways to strengthen that.
    I have come up with "gasped" for "breathed" as it has a vowel sound like "last".
    I tinkered around with it a bit and came up with several possible permutations.
    1) Just dropping "breath" - but that would make the line too short and sacrifice meter.
    2) "as the dragon gasped her final xxx (flame feels too contrived).

    I didn't quite get there but feel that the word(s) must exist. Somehow, it just felt that the "death" line needed a bit more punch.
    I tell you, this piece rocked. I loved it.

    I sense this work may be a metaphor, one that I actually understand for a change, though I could be wrong.

  4. #4
    Maestro, I am overjoyed that you got the nuances of all the emotions I tried to express, and I am thrilled that you recognized all that I put into the writing of this poem.. I am very proud of it... However, it was only through your mentoring, patience and dedication to poetry, and indeed YOUR poetry, that has given me the skills that I need to write, so for all of that, I am so grateful, and I thank you, you have always inspired my fire...

    Phil, this poem is about change, about how no one is truly lost to us forever, thank you for understanding that...
    I will give thought to the line you discussed... Thank you for your insight and feedback, I appreciate..

    Thank you to everyone who "Liked" this poem...

  5. #5
    Wow Fire, this is spectacular!! I absolutely adore it. Seriously one of my favorites of yours!!!

  6. #6
    An amazing piece of work. Only nit I have is with the phrasing turned to tarnish in S1, L1. Silver does not turn into tarnish, like a patina is accrues on the surface of the metal. A different verb more in keeping with the process might work a little better. e.g. taken by tarnish, traced in tarnish, trapped in tarnish, tamed by tarnish, tainted by tarnish...The possibilities are manifold, while still maintaining the subtle alliteration of the line.

    Overall, spectacular.

    - D. the T.
    Last edited by Darkkin; August 19th, 2016 at 02:51 AM.

  7. #7
    Death and creation and poetic prowess through and through.

    Thank you Julia, it was great.

  8. #8
    Quote Originally Posted by TKent View Post
    Wow Fire, this is spectacular!! I absolutely adore it. Seriously one of my favorites of yours!!!

    Thank you TKent ! I am delighted

    DarKKin, I had reservations about using the word "tarnished" in the context that I did... however, I pulled out my poetic license, and let it slide... Thank you, I will rethink that... I appreciate your insight and feedback...

    Daniel, thank you for reading, and taking the time to comment, I appreciate it so much..

  9. #9
    WF Veteran Bloggsworth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Leafy suburb of North London
    On to bad television programmes...
    A man in possession of a wooden spoon must be in want of a pot to stir.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by Bloggsworth View Post
    On to bad television programmes...

    LMAO.... I am not insulted at all.... This poem was written for the young reader....anyway, I now return you to "Sponge Bob Square Pants, and the mystery of the crabby patty".... enjoy...

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