Punktuation 2

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Thread: Punktuation 2

  1. #1

    Punktuation 2

    Similar to my question a couple months back:

    I hear my wife yell "Calan?" but with my perception blurring and distorting, her and the dog coming to my aid fade.

    This sentence looks odd to me, as where I would otherwise have a comma I have a question mark. I don't want to break the sentence up or reorder it, and I want the question mark to emphasize a questioning concern in the voice.

    Does it pass muster as it is?

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    The simplest truths are written on the wall,
    where we see imaginary greatness in our fall.

  2. #2
    Think it needs a comma after 'but'. I'd let the q mark co-opt the comma before it. 'Aid fade' is a bit distracting, especially after 'her and the dog'.
    A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. Steven Wright

  3. #3
    You need a comma before 'but'.

    You can also put one after it, if you want to turn the "with my perception blurring and distorting" into a parenthetical phrase, but it isn't strictly necessary. You do need a comma before 'but', though, as it's a subordinating conjunction and a comma is required.
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    "It is better to be feared than loved, if one cannot be both". ~ Niccolo Machiavelli, The Prince.

    "A wise man can learn more from a foolish question than a fool can learn from a wise answer". ~ Bruce Lee.

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  4. #4
    Thank you ppsage and Sam. Seems the sentence has more wrong with it than I was focusing on. Would the following pass muster?

    Bracing on my canes and stooping, a faintness comes over me. I hear my wife yell "Calan?" and see her and dog coming to my aid, but with my perception swirling they melt away.

    Site:
    Hidden Content

    The simplest truths are written on the wall,
    where we see imaginary greatness in our fall.

  5. #5
    I don't see any reason to filter the shout. Faintness comes over me. "Calan?" my wife yells, coming with the dog to my aid, but they melt away into my swirling perception.
    A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. Steven Wright

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