Grand Invitational Poetry Challenge 2016 Scores!


Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 32

Thread: Grand Invitational Poetry Challenge 2016 Scores!

  1. #1

    Grand Invitational Poetry Challenge 2016 Scores!



    First Place
    is a tie between
    So Close...
    by
    Chester's Daughter
    and
    cleave
    by
    astroannie

    Second Place
    goes to
    The Consummation
    by
    John Oberon

    Third Place
    goes to
    Welcome Home
    by
    midnightpoet

    Peoples Choice
    goes to Talking Dead
    by
    Firemajic


    Congratulations to all the Winners! A big thank you to all who participated and a Really Big Thank You to all our fantastic Judges!




    Name Pulse TL Murphy Robbie audrey Final Score
    #1 Talking Dead by Firemajic 80 38 67 51 59
    #2 Negative Space by rcallaci -- -- -- -- N/A Admin
    #3 Beyond the Fray by Darkkin 76 55 44 60 59
    #4 Welcome Home by MidnightPoet 79 42 80 48 62
    #5 Gravity Of The Uterus by Gumby -- -- -- -- N/A Admin
    #6 Love Carefully by TJ1985 72 42 55 52 55
    #7 cleave by astroannie 83 65 79 70 74
    #8 Lost in Translation by jenthepen 75 60 38 70 61
    #9 The Consummation by John Oberon 72 71 72 59 69
    #10 So Close... by Chester's Daughter 72 77 79 69 74
    #11 Deterioration by am_hammy 69 40 35 56 50
    #12 Somewhere... by PhilIstine 72 36 54 60 56


    Pulse:


    #1Talking Dead by Firemajic

    Structure: 8
    Progression/Movement:9
    Rhythm:7
    Originality:10
    Poetic Devices: 8
    Mood/Imagery :9
    Comprehension/Coherence: 10
    Word Selection: 10
    SPaG:9


    #1 Talking Dead provides what it promises: a voice from a grave. It challenges assumptions of the living that souls will rest in peace, without explicitly mentioning a soul (and thus introducing a questionable entity).

    Quatrains of couplets are regularly delivered in lines, which vary from the ten-syllables of the first, which can be read as iambic pentameter, to shorter lines with three or four stressed beats.

    Rhyming is also regular, mostly full rhyme, but liberated enough to enjoy half rhyme in instances such as seem/unseen, true/accuse, feet/sleep.
    Sometimes rhymes are repeated, and while this appears to be intentional with the first and last couplets containing place/space, reversed to space/place, it is not clear whether using ‘sleep’ as a rhyme twice is deliberate.

    Irony unwinds from such comments as ‘finally free to talk to me’ and although we are told this is ‘because my face they cannot see’, the impossibility of receiving an answer may well be a reason for sudden eloquence.

    But answers are given from beneath the ground. A spirit is troubled by inaccurate reports, some of which disturb the conscience of the corpse. (I hesitate to know what to call the persona of the poet, who is definitely the voice of the poem.)

    The idea of an ‘un-resting’ place was always coming but the final verse calls it ‘undead’, which compounds the inadequacy of a monologue to reach elusive peace. In many ways, for me this evokes any one-way communication.

    The voice is challenging assumptions.
    ================================================== =====

    #2 Negative Space by rcallaci

    Structure: 7
    Progression/Movement:9
    Rhythm:5
    Originality:8
    Poetic Devices: 8
    Mood/Imagery : 7
    Comprehension/Coherence: 7
    Word Selection: 9
    SPaG:6


    #2 Negative Space

    There is a lot of rhyme and sibilance in this poem, delivered in irregular meter. Perhaps it is part of the insincerity the third line mentions. Sometimes a forced rhyme gives that impression.

    The fourth line needs an ‘s’ removed. It could either be ‘the miasmic tide of doubts hovers about’ or ‘the miasmic tides of doubt hover about’. Similarly, a choice is needed between ‘clouds that drfit’ or ‘cloud that drifts’.

    The concentration of doubt is intense and it would have been interesting to use some other words for doubt, to give us different perspectives on the theme. Some commas might also be helpful in ‘as they walk run fly and float amongst / shifting clouds that drifts downward towards’. Lines of poetry do act as punctuation on one level; on another, the poet can be even more ingenious by using other punctuation breaks.

    Anaphora is used effectively and there is a subtle progression from ‘It’s’ to ‘It’ with an unobtrusive rhyming scheme appropriate to the message. What is good is the way half rhyme of two consecutive lines, ‘breathe . . . perceive’ is followed by full rhyme on alternate lines in ‘everywhere . . . despair’, with some unrhyming lines, which allow for greater latitude, in between.

    Mention of ‘the right to be heard’ may remind us of Hubert Humph’rey’s remark that ‘the right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously.’

    I like the image of the devil dancing the jig. Repeating the definite article, ‘the’, has a curious effect and it is difficult to know whether this was intended or not. It is followed by a squirming hope, so the dance of evil and twisting of a kind of faith are juxtaposed.
    ================================================== ===


    #3 Beyond the Fray by Darkkin

    Structure: 8
    Progression/Movement:8
    Rhythm:8
    Originality:10
    Poetic Devices: 7
    Mood/Imagery :8
    Comprehension/Coherence: 8
    Word Selection: 10
    SPaG:9


    My first reaction to ‘linger in’ was to want to tweak the preposition, but in its context, the repetition of the sound ‘in’ has a lingering effect: almost onomatopoeic, and the peculiarity of stories in edges gives the edge to an enticing first line. Making strange is an important attribute of poetry.

    The homophone, fray, is used both as a fear or skirmish and unravelling or wearing out; these two levels give a touch of humour to ventilate emotion. New fleece on birch bark helps create an environment, where all is one. Fleece could be the wool of sheep or insulating material of modern clothes and to give pussywillows pelts extends the metaphor of plants wearing animal skins.

    I do like the absence of regular rhyme in these quatrains; it allows a much deeper penetration of the subject matter, human emotion, than a more predictable pattern would.
    ================================================== =====

    #4 Welcome Home by MidnightPoet

    Structure: 9
    Progression/Movement:10
    Rhythm:9
    Originality:8
    Poetic Devices: 7
    Mood/Imagery :9
    Comprehension/Coherence: 10
    Word Selection: 9
    SPaG:8


    ‘Welcome Home’ is explicit. We have all heard of internal conflict, but to follow ‘the battle rages inside his head’ with an AK-47 makes the image tangible. The chest, containing a vulnerable human heart, is held with a gas-operated assault rifle by a child.

    Mental attack is cut off from the world and sealed by the jolts of disjointed shots in the privacy of thought. Ubiquitous gore permeates all consciousness for the child soldier, bedecking his limbs in unforgettable loss.

    All of us in the busy street are responsible for ignoring the fleeting presence of the child soldier, whom the poem does not name.

    Patriotism covers the greeting of a country that offers nothing beyond fanfare.

    The final image of a soldier urinating on a poster is the perfect ending to a poignant poem.
    ================================================== ====


    #5 Gravity Of The Uterus by Gumby

    Structure: 9
    Progression/Movement:9
    Rhythm:8
    Originality:9
    Poetic Devices: 9
    Mood/Imagery : 9
    Comprehension/Coherence: 9
    Word Selection: 10
    SPaG:9


    I am not at all sure I shall ‘get’ this poem, although it feels an honour to be initiated into the ‘Gravity of the Uterus’ (I am not sure why ‘of’ and ‘the’ were capitalised and have taken the liberty to tweak them.) Fortunately I do not need to understand everything about this poem to be led, fascinated, into its scope. That leaves the poem open to both initiated and carefree readers.

    A Pole Shift is new to me and I am reading it very simply as some kind of fundamental tectonic rearrangement. Your poem has prompted me to look up a variety of terms, some because I had never encountered them and others just to make sure I am reading with the correct notation, so I have learnt about spiritual culture and gunfire in the same half hour. It is a far-reaching poem and I thank you for daring to address fundamental dilemmas.

    From the title, we jump five formative years during which memory may have been evolving, to a state of consciousness in which seismic resonations are felt and it is interesting to experience the view from a different geographical perspective.

    I might have expected an article between ‘walk’ and ‘wooded’. That is the only bit I struggled with, grammatically.

    Rhyme appears slowly. Rather than set up expectations for the reader at the outset, this poet gradually introduces a sort of pararhyme of ‘learned’ and ‘world’, ‘between . . . dream . . . scenes’, followed by full rhyme in ‘trees . . . please’, without allowing the substance of the poem to be swayed by regular chiming.

    There is a peculiar, natural, parallel between oak branches and a woman’s arms, which span a broad spectrum from primitive to ungraspably sacred.
    ================================================== ====
    #6 Love Carefully by TJ1985

    Structure: 8
    Progression/Movement:9
    Rhythm:8
    Originality:8
    Poetic Devices: 7
    Mood/Imagery :8
    Comprehension/Coherence: 7
    Word Selection: 8
    SPaG:9


    Like Love Actually, I love the adverbial tilt of Love Carefully. It is complemented with rhyming couplets in the first four lines and supplemented with the oblique peculiarity of half rhymes a the end of the first stanza.

    The difference does not appear to be incidental. Yearning conditional reservation in the first two lines are built on with the power of a predator, who draws the poetic speaker into the following couplet and consumes him, before spitting out a devastated wreck. The discord between ‘gone’ and ‘wrong’ reproduces in sound the message of destruction.

    A jumble of chequered passion must have warned the poet of the danger in love. There is irony in the gratitude returned with clear acknowledgement of what has been learned.

    Another sestet reinforces the message of a need to beware of she-cats, before the final stanza, where rather unexpectedly the poet’s power of love for this lioness is confirmed.
    ================================================== ====

    #7 cleave by astroannie

    Structure: 10
    Progression/Movement: 9
    Rhythm:9
    Originality:8
    Poetic Devices: 9
    Mood/Imagery :10
    Comprehension/Coherence: 8
    Word Selection: 10
    SPaG:10


    This tanka encapsulates the promise of serenity in the first haiku, complemented by a strained falsity in the final two lines.

    This is sophisticated vocabulary, necessary for poignant insight into a considered and considerate relationship, falling far short of intention.
    ================================================== ==

    #8 Lost in Translation by jenthepen

    Structure: 9
    Progression/Movement: 7
    Rhythm: 8
    Originality: 6
    Poetic Devices: 8
    Mood/Imagery : 9
    Comprehension/Coherence: 9
    Word Selection: 9
    SPaG:10


    Lost in Translation took me two stanzas to realise it really is about a poem, so I, certainly was lost in interpretation. There is a clever rhyming of an internal beat in the third line with the final syllable of the stanza.

    In terms of ‘spaces unseen’ this poem encourages a reader to examine more closely how poetry influences us on more than one level. In one sense, it is the job of the poet to present a full image of their idea, but in another, so many nuances can be hidden between and within the lines. Polysyndeton in ‘obscures and covers and hides’ emphasises the concealment. I expect it was just me to whom ‘hides’ rang of skin, but also presume other readers will have noticed additional implications that remain hidden from me until further readings.

    The gap between imagination and visible imagery is beautifully captured in the fourth stanza, where the muse meets screen and perishes.

    In the final assonance of ‘weep’ with ‘unseen’, full rhyme begins to fade into mentioned ‘spaces, unseen’, where we are left in wonder.
    ================================================== =====
    #9 The Consummation by John Oberon

    Structure: 8
    Progression/Movement:9
    Rhythm:8
    Originality: 7
    Poetic Devices: 6
    Mood/Imagery : 7
    Comprehension/Coherence: 9
    Word Selection: 8
    SPaG:10


    The Consummation leads from the colours of the rainbow to the colours of the rainbow. An array of colour intrigues the couple with the uncertainty of its boundaries between different bands of rainbow colour.

    Spaces unseen display greater unknown and attract the lovers more than the visible. The upheaval of discovery consumes in convulsions intrepid explorers, unable to contain emotions.

    An all-embracing power engulfs the couple, led on in awe to a realisation that the place they set out from is transformed.
    ================================================== =====

    #10 So Close... by Chester's Daughter

    Structure: 8
    Progression/Movement: 8
    Rhythm: 8
    Originality: 9
    Poetic Devices: 7
    Mood/Imagery : 8
    Comprehension/Coherence: 8
    Word Selection: 8
    SPaG: 8


    So Close…is hard for me to understand. It has a familiar feeling of existence rather than life, in a consumer society.

    I do not know Sandman, but observe a family attempt a superficial effort at family life.

    Of course! There is another lover, from whom some science fiction movie is distracting.

    Ironically, if I am reading this correctly, the woman’s partner is the alien she looks for on screen.

    When I finally adjusted to the wavelength I enjoyed this poem. So distant…!
    ================================================== ==

    #11 Deterioration by am_hammy

    Structure: 8
    Progression/Movement:8
    Rhythm:7
    Originality:7
    Poetic Devices: 9
    Mood/Imagery :8
    Comprehension/Coherence: 8
    Word Selection: 8
    SPaG:6


    In Deterioration the poet opens each stanza with a question. Frustration and sadness proliferate behind closed eyes and the poet questions the value of a mind, beset with oppressive thoughts.
    The metaphor of a prison adds to torment, with no conceivable means of escape. The decay spreads from on organ to another with irrepressible possession.
    Life itself seeps out and senses deteriorate in unseen spaces, beyond the poet’s influence.
    ================================================== ==

    #12 Somewhere... by PhilIstine

    Structure: 7
    Progression/Movement:8
    Rhythm:8
    Originality:9
    Poetic Devices: 6
    Mood/Imagery : 8
    Comprehension/Coherence: 8
    Word Selection: 8
    SPaG: 10


    I love the way ‘time and space’ mirror ‘awake and sleep’. Parallel universes are displayed and entwined as the lovers embody their other worlds.

    Strangely it may not be genuine, impregnated as it is with ‘slick / masquerades’ of what appears to be almost commercial imposition.

    ‘Somewhere’ is surmounted with ‘everywhere’ and the passion awaits refuse collection.


    TL Murphy:


    #1 Talking Dead by Firemajic

    Structure: 3
    Progression/Movement: 6
    Rhythm: 3
    Originality vs cliché. 4
    Poetic Devices: 2
    Mood/Imagery : 7
    Comprehension/Coherence: 6
    Word Selection: 3
    Spelling/grammar: 4



    As a critic, I am immediate on the defensive when the second word of the poem is a glaring grammatical error, particularly one which has received so much discussion. To "lay" means to put. To "lie" means to make oneself prostrate.


    The third word in the poem, "here", is redundant in that it offers no more information than the rest of the line "I lay (lie) in my final resting place" .
    The repetition of the word "unseen" in the first stanza offers no poetic device. It simply repeats what is said in line 2.


    This poem uses no poetic devices other than rhyming couplets and a weak attempt at iambic pentameter, otherwise known as "heroic couplet". I would say that 99% of the bad poetry written today is HC, tedious in its reliance on filler words and empty phrases to fill out this overused and tiresome form. It seems that most of the world believes that it's the only way to write poetry, but It takes more than rhyming couplets and iambic pentameter to make a poem. (See more tirade on HC under #6)


    The poem is almost a conceit in the sense that the grave is a metaphor for the author's sense of mute isolation from being made a scapegoat. But the metaphor is inconsistent in that he seems to be asking forgiveness for the sins of the living. There is no clear turn in the poem when the speaker realizes that it is his own sins he regrets and not the sins of others, so the conceit fails to identify a clear message.
    ================================================== ===

    #2 Negative Space by rcallaci


    Structure: 4
    Progression/Movement: 5
    Rhythm: 3
    Originality vs cliché. 3
    Poetic Devices: 6
    Mood/Imagery : 6
    Comprehension/Coherence: 5
    Word Selection: 4
    Spelling/grammar: 5

    There is heavy reliance on cliche' in this piece, too many to list here. I count as many as ten


    "Drifts" refers to the plural "clouds" so should be "drift". Nor do "tides" and "doubts" agree.


    It's not clear when "God is dead!" appears what brings this exclamation into the poem. It does become clear later but it's sudden appearance comes across as a digression or anomaly.


    Repetition in a poem can work to press emphasis through repeated rhythm and sound, but the repetition of "it" only serves to flog a vague and undefined pronoun. It's not clear what "it" refers to. Presumably the title, but this not clear.. Since "it" is singular, then the only other thing it could refer to is "fork in the road" but that doesn't make sense in the context of the lines that follow. So the repetition of the world tumbles in a void. The poem would work better if "it" was eliminated all together.


    Some good alliteration, assonance, consonance gets going early in the poem but it seems to fall apart toward the end as does rhythm. There is some creative use of metaphor. Some work: "sin-stained silhouettes", "shifting clouds that drifts (drift) downward towards/that fate filled fork in the road". Others not so well: The devil dancing a jig to the fiddler's tune - is over used and it's hard to envision an abstract concept like "hope" wiggling and squirming, etc.


    There are redundancies throughout the poem that would be stronger reduced to a single image: walk/run/fly/float; shifting/drift; swing/sway; air/breathe; thoughts/perceive; dejection/despair; chaotic/din; squeezes/squirms.


    The eclipse (...)at the end of the poem implies ongoing, unfinished, something omitted, which doesn't seem consistent with the context of the poem
    ================================================== ===

    #3 Beyond the Fray by Darkkin

    Structure: 5
    Progression/Movement: 7
    Rhythm: 3
    Originality vs cliché. 7
    Poetic Devices: 5
    Mood/Imagery : 8
    Comprehension/Coherence: 6
    Word Selection: 7
    Spelling/grammar: 7


    Rich in images that work together and form steady progression through the poem.. Minimal but not obtuse, with careful attention to the use of, or absence of articles, conjunctions and preposition. Although the chopped sentences curtail rhythm and meaning. The poem feels heavy with punctuation, particularly commas and dashes which interrupt flow. Some commas could simply be deleted and others eliminated by more careful word choice. For example, lines one & two could be written, ""Stories linger in edges/breaks and braided facets slicing deep". Mid-Line dashes might be better served with spaces (en space and em space) or end-line dashes by line breaks. This is largely a personal preference which does not necessarily affect the poem's over-all integrity . But the over abundance of punctuation gives the poem a cluttered look and the chopped structure gives the poem a chopped feel. Cadence is never really established.


    This poem would benefit from breaking the lines into shorter lines and possibly some enjambment. It would slow the poem down, help build rhythm and emphasize the rich phrases and images.
    There is over use of gerunds. Something to be aware of. I recognize the poet from this plethora of "ings". Capital letters are also overdone. No need to capitalize after a dash. Again, this may be a personal preference.


    The title is a cliche', which, I suppose, if you are going to use cliche' is the best place to do it but the phrase is repeated twice in the poem, which should lead the author to consider an alternative..


    "Tendriled" should be spelled "tendrilled".


    Strong images and good progression.
    ================================================== ===

    #4 Welcome Home by MidnightPoet

    Structure: 3
    Progression/Movement: 6
    Rhythm: 4
    Originality vs cliché. 5
    Poetic Devices: 2
    Mood/Imagery : 6
    Comprehension/Coherence: 6
    Word Selection: 3
    Spelling/grammar: 7

    This really feels like a story, and the prosaic style makes it more story than poem. Other than line breaks, there are no other poetic devices used.
    The last line detracts from the ending. "pissed on it." is the real end of the poem. The current ending is an editorial aside after the fact which over-explains the end.


    How does a one-legged man limp? He can't. He either hops or uses crutches. There could be a prosthesis but the line about not having a limb implies he does not.


    "Lays" in S1 should be "lies"
    ================================================== ====

    #5 Gravity Of The Uterus by Gumby

    Structure: 6
    Progression/Movement: 8
    Rhythm: 6
    Originality vs cliché. 7
    Poetic Devices: 7
    Mood/Imagery : 8
    Comprehension/Coherence: 8
    Word Selection: 7
    Spelling/grammar: 8


    Great title. Good images, solid progression, a good turn and a strong ending.


    "Cliche' would say" is out of place. It explains the poem inside the poem. The quotes say this without explaining.
    The title's full meaning doesn't come clear in the first reading but does in the second through a quick epiphany which, in turn, reveals deeper layers of meaning. That's some handy work. Well done.


    A bit excessive with the dashes, especially the one at the end. I can't think of a reason to use a dash there. Line end gives you all the pause you need.
    Cut "special", "38" on its own is much more chilling and flows better into the next line.


    Good poem, a bit long. Some careful cuts could make this poem even more solid.
    ================================================== =

    #6 Love Carefully by TJ1985

    Structure: 5
    Progression/Movement: 5
    Rhythm: 3
    Originality vs cliché. 3
    Poetic Devices: 2
    Mood/Imagery : 5
    Comprehension/Coherence: 7
    Word Selection: 4
    Spelling/grammar: 8


    This reads like a Hallmark greeting card.
    The heroic couplet (rhyming couplets with iambic pentameter) faded from serious literature in the 19th century. Rhyming couplet persisted as long as it did simply as a memory device for the illiterate to more easily recite oral tales.


    Here is a quote from Dennis Cooley, quoting Anthony Easthope on iambic pentameter: "In the Renaissance...by promoting syllables between accented syllables, and by spacing them out fairly evenly, iambic pentameter helped to entrench the 'Received Pronunciation of Standard English... It does so because it legislates for the number of syllables in the line and therefor cancels elision [dropping sounds from words], making transition at word juncture difficult.' It eliminates from 'serious' literature, other than for comic purposes, the radically elided voices of the working people."


    In other words, IP demanded a clipped and precise elocution that signalled class dialect and eliminated the more excited and clipped lower class dialects considered vulgar. It also dominates the poem in such a way that precludes the use of other poetic devices.The heroic couplet is the very antithesis of what we consider good poetry today to be; i.e., poetry is a medium that expands and exploits language for artistic gain, not limits language.
    ================================================== ===

    #7 cleave by astroannie


    Structure: 7
    Progression/Movement: 7
    Rhythm:7
    Originality vs cliché. 7
    Poetic Devices: 5
    Mood/Imagery : 8
    Comprehension/Coherence: 5
    Word Selection: 9
    Spelling/grammar:10

    (My copy/paste eliminated the centering of the poem)


    It's refreshing to read a minimal poem. Of course, in such a short poem, everything stands out. Every word counts double time. There is no room for vagueness. And it all has to come together in a neat little package.
    There is careful consideration to each word. The play on "suite" is clever. I'm not sure "impeccably" carries the role as adjective in this case. "Impeccably distant"? Are we talking about a well groomed distance? A perfect distance? On second thought, it does work.


    I think a stanza break between lines 2 and 3 would provide some needed punctuation.
    ================================================== ===


    #8 Lost in Translation by jenthepen

    Structure: 7
    Progression/Movement:7
    Rhythm: 5
    Originality vs cliché. 7
    Poetic Devices: 7
    Mood/Imagery : 7
    Comprehension/Coherence:7
    Word Selection: 4
    Spelling/grammar 9

    Some interesting slant rhymes, and the positioning of the slant rhymes is a subtle and admirable innovation on traditional ABAB rhyme pattern. However, the line breaks employed in line 2 of each stanza often break the natural flow. "Of my mind" and " of the screen" are awkward phrases to start a longer line with. The trouble with rhyme patterns is that authors often fall into the use of weak filler words and phrases to force the poem to rhyme and this so often comes across as contrived meaning and structure.


    The progression is good. It took a few readings to grasp what the poem is really about, which is good. A poem should demand something from the reader. The reader must enter this poem to fully grasp it and then the title and the close effectively bookend the poem.


    My strongest criticism of this poem is that the rhythm gets erratic and bumpy at times, partly from some awkward line breaks but mostly from and excess of unnecessary filler words: the, in, at, of, just, all, you, your, etc.
    ================================================== =====


    #9 The Consummation by John Oberon

    Structure: 8
    Progression/Movement: 9
    Rhythm: 9
    Originality vs cliché. 8
    Poetic Devices: 7
    Mood/Imagery : 8
    Comprehension/Coherence: 7
    Word Selection: 7
    Spelling/grammar 8


    This poem has wonderful flow and an easy, relaxed style. The use of repetition is well done and the metaphors all work together to build steady progression. I enjoyed reading the poem. The end circles back to the beginning, which is a nice touch for closure, though I felt the end was anti-climactic, which I found a bit disappointing.


    There is inconsistency with upper case and lower case letters. In the beginning of the poem almost every line starts with an upper case letter, which is completely unnecessary. In fact it takes away one of the author's tools for creating meaning. By the end of the poem, only the beginning of sentences use upper case.


    I have to say, I gagged seeing the word "soul" used not once but twice. "Soul" is probably the most over-used word in English poetry. The concept is so immense as to be nearly incomprehensible and yet it is used like a dime-store cookie-punch.


    "Inexorably" is one of those big, abstract, Latinate words, that sounds intelligent but really just means unstoppable. Use of abstract words like this draws too much attention to itself and feels contrived. The poet is trying too hard to be "poetic". It's much better to avoid abstract words and use concrete words that create an image (which is generally well done in this poem).
    ================================================== ===

    #10 So Close... by Chester's Daughter

    Structure: 7
    Progression/Movement: 9
    Rhythm: 9
    Originality vs cliché. 9
    Poetic Devices: 8
    Mood/Imagery : 8
    Comprehension/Coherence: 9
    Word Selection: 9
    Spelling/grammar 9


    Wow, this is creepy. Lots going on. Great internal rhyme, an explosion of alliteration, assonance, consonance. Great turn. Zinger ending. I'm jealous. I wish I'd written this.


    All I can find to gripe about is a pesky gerund in line 3 and an unnecessary article in line 7. Pretty minor. I also see no reason or benefit in putting an eclipse after the title, which implies ongoing, unfinished. It's a title, so of course it's ongoing.


    The one shortcoming here, and not all will see it this way, but I do, is that, for poetry it is overly narrative. It's a story. It is also a poem. No question. But the more we move away from story, the more poetic the poem becomes. The best poems do not tell the story. They show us the aura of the story, what happens inside the story and between the story and around the story, without telling the story.
    ================================================== ====

    #11 Deterioration by am_hammy

    Structure: 3
    Progression/Movement: 3
    Rhythm:7
    Originality vs cliché.5
    Poetic Devices: 4
    Mood/Imagery : 4
    Comprehension/Coherence: 4
    Word Selection: 4
    Spelling/grammar 6

    This poem suffers from a lack of progression. It beats the same horse from first line to last. There is no turn, no conclusion. This reader cannot decipher what the dreaded affliction is. There is a long list of symptoms but no disease. The first line asks "How can I see with closed eyes?" The simple answer is that you can't. The reader wants to know why the speaker doesn't open his eyes. This is never addressed. In the last stanza the speaker seems to be asking the reader to save him. Save him from his own self imposed blindness. I guess that is a kind of progression but I don't get the impression that the poet is conscious of it. Opression is spelled oppression.
    ================================================== ===


    #12 Somewhere ... by Phil Istine

    Structure: 3
    Progression/Movement: 3
    Rhythm: 5
    Originality vs cliché. 2
    Poetic Devices: 3
    Mood/Imagery : 3
    Comprehension/Coherence: 5
    Word Selection: 5
    Spelling/grammar 7


    Here's the thing about words like "Somewhere", if it's somewhere, it's some where. Where is it? Name it. Even if it's unseen, it has a name. That's what poetry is suppose to do. Name the unnamed. Say what can't be said. That's why we do this. Words like somewhere, sometime, something, etc. fill space and say nothing. If you took out every instance of the word "somewhere" in this poem, the meaning would be exactly the same. The word adds nothing to the poem. Three times nothing is nothing.


    Why repeat the title in the first word of the poem? If the first word is the same as the title, you don't need the first word. The title is part of the poem. So what's more important, the first word or the title? Choose one. I suggest here, that this is the wrong title for the poem. And why is there an eclipse after the title, which implies that the statement is unfinished? It's a title, so of course it's unfinished. We know that.


    There is heavy use of cliche': time and space, forgotten dreams, slip away, broken dreams.


    In both cases of the semi-colon, the right side is a prepositional phrase, not a grammatical sentence, though each does contain subject, object, predicate. But because of the preposition "where" the semi-colon is, strictly speaking, used incorrectly. But this is poetry and punctuation is really discretionary. But I just thought I would point that out. And now I've been a total prick. Sorry.



    Robbie:



    #1Talking Dead by Firemajic

    Structure 8
    Progressive movement 10
    Rhythm 6
    Originality 2
    Poetic device 5
    Mood imagery 10
    Comprehension/coherence 9
    Word selection 7
    SPaG 10


    The poem could have improved in meter and syllabic count. Accents were correct on some lines and out of sync in places. It seemed that it was intended to be iambic pentameter but it failed in places. The intent was consistent through out the poem. It did make me "feel" which is what a good poem does...and comprehension was very clear to the reader as was coherence. Progression was excellent from beginning to end.
    ==================================================

    #2 Negative Space by rcallaci

    Structue 2
    Progressive movement 3
    Rhythm 5
    Originality 10
    Poetic device 7
    Mood imagery 7
    Comprehension/coherence 4
    Word selection 8

    SPaG 10


    Interesting but does not flow. Meaning/intent is clear but the poem is chaotic. Comprehension is poor in most places as the reader feels like she is jumping about.
    Cohesion is fair in places but not throughout the poem. Rhythm and meter are fair for the most part and good especially in
    Mood imagery is good as the theme (for the parts I can understand) stays the same.
    ==================================

    #3 Beyond the Fray by Darkkin


    Structue 2
    Progressive movement 8
    Rhythm 1
    Originality 3
    Poetic device 4
    Mood imagery 5
    Comprehension/coherence 5
    Word selection 6
    SPaG 10


    I like 'Darker than the creeping bruise.' It is the strongest line in the poem. The poem does progress well throughout the poem so I gave it an 8 for progressive movement.
    There is no particular rhythm in places and when a structured rhythm begins it loses it right away. Imagery is fair and very good In the line I mentioned about the creeping bruise. As a poetic device it sounds like prose in places. 'A cycle repeating. Try again. Touch. Hold tight, do not look away.' Could be seen in a "how to" book. The piece is easily understood and is consistent in theme, but not particularly cohesive. Word selection is fair for the intent of the poem.
    ====================================

    #4 Welcome Home by MidnightPoet

    Structue 10
    Progressive movement 10
    Rhythm 9
    Originality 8
    Poetic device 9
    Mood imagery 7
    Comprehension/coherence 9
    Word selection 9
    SPaG 9



    This poem is very cohesive with excellent progression. For me I give it high marks for each criterion. It rings soundly and clearly with authenticity so it is easy to comprehend and is cohesive. The cohesion here is part of the imagery as the way it flows seems to become a single entity as images and form so easily blend and connect with intent.
    ===========================================

    #5 Gravity Of The Uterus by Gumby


    Structure 10
    Progressive movement 10
    Rhythm 9
    Originality 10
    Poetic device 9
    Mood imagery 10
    Comprehension/coherence 10
    Word selection 10
    SPaG 10

    Appropriate progression and words choices. Rhythm almost perfect. An absolute 10 in originality. It's unusual and written very well. Poetic device is almost matchless as well. Imagery is original and use of metaphor is outstanding. It sets a mood and it coheres throughout the poem. Very, very good comprehension and cohesion. No flaws there for sure. I love the use of words. They break my heart as the "feeling" of a good poem is supposed to do. . Spelling grammar have no flaws. The metaphor (use of words with poetic device combined are remarkable in last three verses, especially the penultimate and the fifth one. The line 'gnarled limbs reaching up, hang on to the sky. ' combined with the hands in the next verse is superb in metaphor and image. Great poem!
    =============================================

    #6
    Love Carefully
    by TJ 1985


    Structure 9.
    Progressive movement. 9.
    Rhythm 9.
    Originality 3
    Poetic Devices 2
    Mood imagery 4.
    Comprehensive coherence 6
    Word selection 5
    SPaG 8



    Rhythm and intent hold throughout poem. Cadence/meter flow. Continues rhythm to the close. No Originality. This theme is a cliche, weak metaphors with contrived rhyme. The visuals are there but barely. Very weak imagery. The words are mundane. Each line in each couplet should have had shown more action. Too many adjectives. No misspellings/grammar is fine.
    ================================================== ===

    #7
    cleave
    by astroannie

    Structure 8
    Progressive movement. 8
    Rhythm 7.
    Originality 10
    Poetic devices 10
    Mood imagery 9
    Comprehensive coherence 10
    Word selection 7
    SPaG 10


    Structure begins and ends with with an ironic twist. Movement progressively flies from beginning to close. Fair to Good since there is no structure one must read it as one sentence. Unusual but original format with words that work with intent. Excellent metaphor (suite sequester). Each line sustains graphic imagery and mood. Very comprehensive and coherent/ no flaws, I don't like 'impeccably' would use something like "confirmed." Impeccably doesn't fit at least for me. No SPAG flaws.
    ==========================================

    #8 Lost in Translation by jenthepen


    Structure 3
    Progressive movement. 5
    Rhythm 5
    Originality 2
    Poetic devices 2
    Mood imagery 3
    Comprehensive cohesion 4
    Word selection 5
    SPaG 9


    It's not quite monotonous but it doesn't seem to have structure per se. The poem adheres by progressive movement. Rhythmic in places but lacks rhythm and meter in the poems entirety, hardly original but the poet gets points for effort. No original metaphors, no particular cadence or meter. There is trite bedroom imagery. Comprehensive cohesion was sustained. Word selection was unoriginal. 'I complete' is not comprehensible. I think I know what is meant and in some instances it could make sense, so I give grammar a 9.
    =================================================

    #9 The Consummation by John Oberon


    Structure 9
    Progressive movement. 8
    Rhythm 8
    Originality 7
    Poetic devices 7
    Mood imagery 8
    Comprehensive cohesion 9
    Word selection 6.
    SPaG 10


    The length of lines and line breaks are very good and sustained. Follows through properly. This poem progresses coherently and is maintained, here there are stressed and unstressed syllables (iambs) 'we learned' as well as trochees with first syllable strongly stressed. 'Backward/squinted/tumbling. Clever with irony. I like 'trick of distance' and 'creamy lava.' Theme and figurative language are good. Sustained and clear, the mood is set early with the tone and imagery. There is introspection in this poem that is realized as the speaker understands what is happening in the relationship. The mood changes as the voice and point of view change. The close should leave out one 'light.' Say instead, "we merged with the light that makes rainbows. "Creates" would be a stronger verb. 'Makes' weakens the line. Word selection could be better. The words 'then' 'and' as well as 'but' are unnecessary. Say 'we ascended' not 'and we ascended.' This makes the poem a bit monotonous in places. There are no grammatical or spelling errors.
    ==================================================

    #10 So Close... by Chester's Daughter

    Structure 9
    Progressive movement 9
    Rhythm 8
    Originality 8
    Poetic devices 7
    Mood imagery 10.
    Comprehensive cohesion 10
    Word selection 9
    SPaG 9


    It scans well. Has a good sequence of feet and line length is good. Clearly the words, mood et al are sustained throughout. Strong demonstrated with sequence--rise and fall of syllables, great, easy meter. I like the scenery even though it is inside its strong and pulls the reader in. In that context it is original as some poems written about this subject leave the reader mystified and feeling distanced from the speaker. This writer uses originality in the setting, very creative. Good use of alliteration especially in first and second verses. Side, sofa, study and next corn, coax, chattering. The mood becomes a bit tense and the reader can feel it even if the husband doesn't even sense it. I like the use of mood. Imagery excellent. I can smell the popcorn. A tight poem, well done. I like the word selection yet in last stanza I might change 'need' to needs' and say 'slide her eyes to her left.' Leave off 'side'. It doesn't need to be there.
    =================================================
    #11 Deterioration by am_hammy


    Structure 6
    Progressive movement 7
    Rhythm 3
    Originality 2
    Poetic devices 2
    Mood imagery 3
    Comprehensive cohesion 7.

    Word selection 3
    SPaG 2

    Stanza separation is fine, it makes sense, as the writer keeps the theme moving forward. Consistent to a point but the readability throws me, so I can't say that the rhythm works well. Trite and cliched. Writer does separate verses, does maintain mood and imagery but it is cliched. Choice of words is poor and unoriginal. It creates a whole but the cliches make it monotonous. In last stanza especially, the writer's grammar goes astray. 'Revive' should be "revives" and to keep the poem active it should be "takes" and rids" The first line, is rhetorical so I would put a comma after life, instead of a question make and save the question mark after sight, yet uses "restores" instead of 'restore.'
    ================================================== ==

    #12 Somewhere by Phil Istine

    Structure 4
    Progressive movement 9
    Rhythm 5
    Originality 2
    Poetic devices 6
    Mood imagery 7
    Comprehension/coherence 5
    Word selection 7
    SPaG 9

    Stanza separation is clearly drawn, progression/movement does make sense, no variables, consistent . Intent and theme are cliched. Rhymes--masquerades/charades and others show the poet is trying. I like the internal rhyme using 'abraded that rhymes with charades but I think it should be "scars abrade" instead of 'abraded scars.' Begins and ends with the same mood, although imagery is poor, 'Then' in first verse does not need to be there, no comma should be placed after 'then' in first verse. I think 'between asleep and awake' sounds odd. Writer should find a word that mean "being awake." Being is not the right word for a poem but if writer does research he or she will find words that will elevate the line.
    ================================================== ===




    audrey:



    #1: Talking Dead by Firemajic

    Structure: 6
    Progression/Movement: 5
    Rhythm: 6
    Originality: 5
    Poetic Devices: 5
    Mood/Imagery: 5
    Comprehension/Coherence: 6
    Word Selection: 6
    SpaG: 7


    Comments: The subject matter works here. I would have liked for you to move more to the unexpected. The rhythm and rhyme are predictable and that takes away from your piece, weakens it. It is the same with the images in the piece. Try moving in unexpected ways with imagery.
    ================================================== =


    #2: Negative Space by rcallaci

    Structure: 6
    Progression/Movement: 6
    Rhythm: 6
    Originality: 6
    Poetic Devices: 6
    Mood/Imagery: 6
    Comprehension/Coherence: 5
    Word Selection: 6
    SpaG: 6

    Comments: This piece still needs work. There are places where grammar suffers from lack of singular/plural agreement. For example, "tides of doubt hovers" really should be "tides of doubt hover." I am not always a fan of punctuation in poetry, but some punctuation here might help the understanding of the piece and allow the piece to breathe a bit more. And since "it" features prominently in the end of the first stanza and throughout the rest of the piece, make sure that we know what "it" refers to. In the opening stanza everything before "it" is plural, so the sudden reference to something in the singular is confusing. On the plus side, I think your images are strong. They get a little lost in the piece though.
    ================================================== ==

    #3: Beyond the Fray by Darkkin

    Structure: 7
    Progression/Movement: 6
    Rhythm: 7
    Originality: 7
    Poetic Devices: 6
    Mood/Imagery: 7
    Comprehension/Coherence: 6
    Word Selection: 7
    SpaG: 7

    Comments: I have read this piece many times and I keep changing my mind about what this piece really says. You have some gorgeous images here. But the piece jumps so much from subject to subject that the reader doesn't get to really savor those images. It seems as though we just brush up against an image and then you move on. I would like to see more development in that regard. I am also curious about your use of capital letters. I wonder if you feel that you must capitalize at the beginning of each new thought. I don't think you do, and I think this piece would be stronger without the use of so many of them.
    =================================================

    #4: Welcome Home by MidnightPoet

    Structure: 5
    Progression/Movement: 5
    Rhythm: 7
    Originality: 5
    Poetic Devices: 5
    Mood/Imagery: 4
    Comprehension/Coherence: 5
    Word Selection: 5
    SpaG: 7

    Comments: The rhythm of this piece really works to help create a mood., especially as you move to the last stanza. I really missed the use of metaphor in this piece. For me, this piece tells a story, and without the use of metaphor, it feels much more like prose than like poetry. The reader is left with the facts surrounding this man, but it feels empty without metaphor--we are left with little complexity or insight into this man.
    ==================================================

    #5 Gravity Of The Uterus by Gumby

    Structure: 8
    Progression/Movement: 9
    Rhythm: 8
    Originality: 9
    Poetic Devices: 8
    Mood/Imagery: 8
    Comprehension/Coherence: 9
    Word Selection: 8
    SpaG: 9

    Comments: Wonderful write!
    ================================================== ==


    #6: Love Carefully by TJ 1985

    Structure: 6
    Progression/Movement: 6
    Rhythm: 6
    Originality: 6
    Poetic Devices: 5
    Mood/Imagery: 5
    Comprehension/Coherence: 5
    Word Selection: 5
    SpaG: 8

    Comments: Be careful in rhyming poetry to make the rhyme feel effortless. Nothing in the piece must ever be sacrificed to find a word that rhymes at the end of the line. The meaning all still needs to work- the piece needs to flow. When rhyme doesn't work well, we notice it too much and that is the problem that I had with this piece. The flow and meaning and progression were often sacrificed to the rhyme.
    ================================================== =


    #7: Cleave by astroannie

    Structure: 8
    Progression/Movement: 7
    Rhythm: 8
    Originality: 8
    Poetic Devices: 7
    Mood/Imagery: 8
    Comprehension/Coherence: 8
    Word Selection: 8
    SpaG: 8

    Comments: Really well crafted. My only criticism is that the piece doesn't pull at any emotion from the reader. I want to care about the people involved, but I don't. At first, I thought this might be a function of the length of the piece, but I have read it many times now. Every line is well crafted, but emotionally distant.
    ================================================== ====

    #8: Lost in Translation by jenthepen

    Structure: 8
    Progression/Movement: 7
    Rhythm: 8
    Originality: 7
    Poetic Devices: 7
    Mood/Imagery: 8
    Comprehension/Coherence: 8
    Word Selection: 8
    SpaG: 9

    Comments: This is a piece that grows on you. Really well done.
    ================================================== ===

    #9: The Consummation by John Oberon

    Structure: 7
    Progression/Movement: 7
    Rhythm: 6
    Originality: 6
    Poetic Devices: 6
    Mood/Imagery: 6
    Comprehension/Coherence: 7
    Word Selection: 6
    SpaG: 8

    Comments: I liked the idea of this, and especially the last stanza. But there were too many cliches in the piece for me. I would have liked more unexpected word choices to lift this piece up for me. Cliches tend to weaken a piece, and they did that here.
    ================================================== ===


    #10 So Close... by Chester's Daughter

    Structure: 8
    Progression/Movement: 8
    Rhythm: 8
    Originality: 8
    Poetic Devices: 7
    Mood/Imagery: 7
    Comprehension/Coherence: 8
    Word Selection: 7
    SpaG: 8

    Comments: Well done. This has a lot of unexpected bite. I would have liked a bit more use of metaphor.
    =================================================


    #11 Deterioration by am_hammy

    Structure: 6
    Progression/Movement: 6
    Rhythm: 7
    Originality: 6
    Poetic Devices: 5
    Mood/Imagery: 6
    Comprehension/Coherence: 6
    Word Selection: 6
    SpaG: 8

    Comments: I would have liked more use of metaphor throughout the piece. That would make the piece much stronger in my opinion. There is also some use of cliche in the piece and for me that always weakens a poem. The emotion is strong and the mood is very clearly penned.
    =================================================

    #12 Somewhere by Phil Istine

    Structure: 6
    Progression/Movement: 6
    Rhythm: 8
    Originality: 7
    Poetic Devices: 7
    Mood/Imagery: 7
    Comprehension/Coherence: 5
    Word Selection: 7
    SpaG: 7

    Comments: This piece shows much promise. I had trouble in the shifts between stanzas. The progression here didn't work for me. I would have liked more linkage between the stanzas in that regard. But word choice and mood are really well done.


    Last edited by Gumby; May 2nd, 2016 at 10:02 PM.
    There is no life I know
    To compare with pure imagination.
    Living there you’ll be free
    If you truly wish to be.~ Willy Wonka

  2. #2
    Congratulations to the winners of our first Prize Challenge!

    The standard was very high.

    Also a vote of thanks to our judges

    Last edited by PiP; May 2nd, 2016 at 11:08 PM. Reason: also
    Check out our showcase
    Hidden Content
    Hidden Content






  3. #3

    A Grand Poetry Thank You

    The Grand Poetry Challenge (my thanks)

    This was an interesting, rewarding, and humbling competition. I thought I entered a finished piece, a grand little masterpiece that would have the judges praising my brilliance; boy, oh, boy, was I in for a rude awakening. I think I came in second to last, this time, in this grand competition. At least it’s an improvement over my last place finish in the Grand Writing Competition. It’s something about these Grand Competitions that bring out the worse in me, I have a tendency to choke or try too hard, rather than just letting it flow.

    I thought the judging was well above par, well more than above par, and I learned much about what was wrong or didn’t work in my piece. I did a revise following the judge’s advice and think that it is now somewhat healed from the wounds that I inflicted upon it. Does it need more work, or coarse it does but it has a new coat of paint and I like it. I put it on the WF blog if one is inclined to give it a look.

    My heartfelt thanks to Pulse, TL Murphy, Robbie and Audrey, you gave my poem a well deserved spanking. Your critiques were incisive, insightful, on the mark and extremely helpful.

    The only thing I disagreed or took issue with is about the use of clichés. I intentionally use clichés in most of my poems and in my general writing. Life is one big cliché. Many of those overused phrases are overused because there is common sense and wisdom in them. It’s how you integrate a cliché into your writing, how you look at it from all sides and angles and then add your own flavor and tone to it in order to make it pop or seen in a totally different light. My intent is to show the grace and wisdom of those tired old clichés we see and use in our everyday life. Sometimes it works and sometimes is doesn’t and maybe in this piece it didn’t fly. BTW I counted eleven clichés in the piece

    Congratulations to our winners: a tie-Chester’s Daughter for her poem “So Close” and astoannie’s poem Cleave- a deserved win for you both. And a lovely and well deserved win in the popular vote goes to our very own in house super poet Firemajic (Julia)

    My sincere gratitude to our hosts PiP and Gumby, this took a lot of work and effort on your part and you both made it quite successful. I extend my bow to you both and lay a kiss on your cheeks. A shake of the hand also goes to HarperCole, a glorious and faithful assistant to our royal ladies. My thanks go also to the media department, (TK, Aquilo, hammy, Allysan, and all of the content managers) hip, hip, hoorah, a well rounded effort by all.
    Last edited by rcallaci; May 3rd, 2016 at 03:11 AM.
    Nature weeps, the devil sings
    at mans greed and pride
    and what it brings

    Just lots of useless
    little things

  4. #4
    Oh gosh, I am astonished. This was a tough field. And I knew the judging would be at an entirely different level from the peer review we're accustomed to with three votes per voice. Congrats to the other winners.

    My sincere thanks to the judges and to all the folks behind the curtain (whom I will not start naming, lest I inadvertently slight someone by leaving them off).

    Pulse - Thank you. Vocabulary isn't about having a lot of words, but using the exact one you want to convey your meaning.


    TL Murphy - I think the line break may be a good idea, but I'm reluctant because I was writing a form. I'm not an expert but I kind of think it would be cheating to show where the pause needs to be. I'll address impeccably below


    Robbie - you're not the only one who stumbled over impeccably but it is exactly the word I wanted. It means not just nattily but without stain or pure. This comes from it's roots in the Latin for sin, same as peccadillo, and I wanted to hint at that. The idea that this distance is complete and utter, without any taint of closeness. Plus the form is tanka and has a syllable count. I tried on other words and phrases, but that was so exactly what I wanted that I kept coming back to it.

    Audrey - I'm sorry the distance didn't work for you. I'm pretty sure I don't care about the characters, either, but recognize that this sort of thing happens and we, on the outside, may never know whose relationships are empty inside. I was trying to express that anonymity -- that not-knowing.

    Again, thank you to everyone involved.
    Everything you want is just outside your comfort zone.
    — Robert G. Allen

  5. #5
    A great surprise, third place - despite a difference of opinion among the judges (I find that to be pretty common here). I do appreciate all the comments, and congrats to the other winners - fine poems all. I'm usually good at metaphors, and I'll consider working on that. I do like narrative poems that tell a story, and I've written several here.

    My goal was to bring out the feelings and experiences of a soldier back from the war, wounded and lost. He's got bad memories, PTSD, and he's struggling to survive in the mean streets of home. I could easily turn this into a prose piece, and I may do that.
    "Self-righteousness never straddles the political fence."

    Midnightpoet


    "The bible says to love your neighbor. It's obvious that over the centuries it has been interpreted as the opposite."
    (sarcasm alert)

    Midnightpoet


    Hidden Content Hidden Content

  6. #6
    Well, this was a fabulous honor to be in the company of these amazing poets, some who have mentored me, and inspired me...
    Thank you Judges! Your critiques of my poem will certainly help me improve and that is my constant desire..
    I would like to say [in my defense, that I had 2 copies of my poem, the first was the original.. BEFORE I edited it. The second poem .. was polished and perfect... I meant to enter THAT one, of course, but mistakenly entered the WRONG one... As I said, I would LIKE to say that.. but that would NOT be truthful...hahahaaaa.... I made some glaring mistakes..
    Congratulations to the winners of this contest! Top notch writing, unique and absolutely worthy of the winner's title! What a fabulous achievement...
    Pippy, and the support team... WOW! It is obvious that this was INDEED a team effort that worked together like a well oiled machine... congratulations for a one of a kind event!

    To the poets who jumped into this trial by fire, There were NO losers... not a one... congratulations!
    jen, Dark Twin... you are indeed A poet extraordinaire ....

    Maestro... Poet God... your poetry continues to inspire my fire... Thank you...

    To those who voted for my poem "Talking Dead".. Thank you sooooo verrrry much! Love you bunches...
    She lost herself in the trees,
    among the ever-changing leaves.
    She wept beneath the wild sky
    as stars told stories of ancient times.
    The flowers grew toward her light,
    the river called her name at night.
    She could not live an ordinary life,
    with the mysteries of the universe
    hidden in her eyes....
    Author: Christy Ann Martine

    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    love leaves a memory no one can steal....
    Author unknown.

  7. #7
    Well done to all the winners and thank you to the judges. I had hoped to do better than third from last after hitting the dizzy heights of third in the People's Choice voting, but the truth is that it was an honour just to qualify for such a challenge.
    I did feel a little handicapped by using the word 'charade' in mine due to the variation in pronunciation either side of the mid-Atlantic ridge - so tried to make it fit whichever pronunciation was used. I'm not sure that was such a good idea in the end. I also tried to get away with using 'gyrate' as a more active verb than it actually is - i.e. something that is performed on something else. On reflection, perhaps I should have made different word choices.
    I learned a lot from this challenge and am very happy to have taken part.
    Thank you.


  8. #8
    Not gunna lie, having the lowest score out of everyone here is a bit depressing and I sort of feel like I didn't even belong in the challenge to be honest.


    That was probably the most brutal assessment of my poetry that I've ever received.

    the mispelling of oppression was an error on copying from my word pad which doesn't have spell check so I'd like to clarify that I do know how to spell.

    As far as clichés go, I suppose I do go for but a lot of my writing is cathartic and plain and pulled from personal experience. The question at the beginning is to address the mind's eye and the struggle within and what is seen in the mind but that would be even more of a cliché if I actually bothered to mention it.


    Maybe I didn't go deep enough to clarify my intent of my poem or elaborate further which subjectively I can't see because I did the best I could to express the emotions but I clearly didn't make it understandable enough for some.


    Although I'm agitated at the overall responses, which the theme was understood very well by some of the judges, and judgement of my poetry and style of poetry, when I have a moment to refocus on what is being said I know this will make me better in the end so thank you to the judges for your time and efforts and I know I will take your criticisms constructively after the burn has healed.


    ----------



    many many congrats to all the winners and the participants. You all have done a wonderful job.
    ".... But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,
    All losses are restored and sorrows end."
    - William Shakespeare, Sonnet XXX



  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by am_hammy View Post
    Not gunna lie, having the lowest score out of everyone here is a bit depressing and I sort of feel like I didn't even belong in the challenge to be honest.


    That was probably the most brutal assessment of my poetry that I've ever received.

    the mispelling of oppression was an error on copying from my word pad which doesn't have spell check so I'd like to clarify that I do know how to spell.

    As far as clichés go, I suppose I do go for but a lot of my writing is cathartic and plain and pulled from personal experience. The question at the beginning is to address the mind's eye and the struggle within and what is seen in the mind but that would be even more of a cliché if I actually bothered to mention it.


    Maybe I didn't go deep enough to clarify my intent of my poem or elaborate further which subjectively I can't see because I did the best I could to express the emotions but I clearly didn't make it understandable enough for some.


    Although I'm agitated at the overall responses, which the theme was understood very well by some of the judges, and judgement of my poetry and style of poetry, when I have a moment to refocus on what is being said I know this will make me better in the end so thank you to the judges for your time and efforts and I know I will take your criticisms constructively after the burn has healed.


    ----------



    many many congrats to all the winners and the participants. You all have done a wonderful job.
    I think it needs to be remembered that you actually have to achieve something just to qualify for entry. Most people on here didn't manage that.
    I don't know what you did, but my invitation was on the back of two wins in the Purple Pip Challenge last year. It would be easy to tell myself that I only received the invitation because my first attempts were rubbish, but it also says that I have the capacity to improve on mistakes. If your invitation was via Purple Pip, just tell yourself that it shows you have the capacity to learn and improve.
    Some of the critique my work (note, my work - not I) received felt pretty scathing too, but I qualified to enter. I knew I was going up a notch and would have been in shock had I won it. I suppose it's a bit like the football team, I support - a few years ago they were promoted two consecutive seasons seemingly sweeping all before them. They struggled at the higher level.
    I'm thinking of asking Amsawtell to join her boot camp, though I won't be asking until summer is over as this is my peak earning time of year approaching and I need to make the most of that. So I could be spending next winter polishing rifles and digging holes.


  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by am_hammy View Post
    Not gunna lie, having the lowest score out of everyone here is a bit depressing and I sort of feel like I didn't even belong in the challenge to be honest...


    That was probably the most brutal assessment of my poetry that I've ever received.
    hammy, you belong in the challenge because you qualified for it.

    Please remember, to win a poetry challenge at WF is one hell of an achievement. At least you put your best foot forward and entered. There were many, including myself, who qualified but did not.

    I think we need to remember this was a prize and not a mentor challenge and judging was always going to be tough because what was at stake. I would not have expected anything less from our judges who were carefully chosen for their wealth of experience.

    I ask you not to take this personally. Learn from the critique; rewrite the poem using the judges comments then post to the workshop.
    Last edited by PiP; May 3rd, 2016 at 07:34 PM. Reason: be
    Check out our showcase
    Hidden Content
    Hidden Content






Page 1 of 4 1234 LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
This website uses cookies
We use cookies to store session information to facilitate remembering your login information, to allow you to save website preferences, to personalise content and ads, to provide social media features and to analyse our traffic. We also share information about your use of our site with our social media, advertising and analytics partners.