Ungrammatical/makes sense. Now what?


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Thread: Ungrammatical/makes sense. Now what?

  1. #1

    Ungrammatical/makes sense. Now what?

    I with my memories of all the bad crap in my life, I do not recall ever being teased about Lora.
    This is from Bill (W.Goepner in this forum). It's ungrammatical. But there's no problem understanding it. Right? I actually find it charming. I don't think the rewrites are as charming.

    Strange, right? Bill's style is interesting. There's no copy-editor to give his sentences the facade of being grammatical.

    I remember fondly most any time after that, when we could be, we were together.
    I tried to write a short story in his style for the CoF, and I couldn't -- apparently it was too creative for me. I ended up with a simpler style for my commas:

    A car, Wendy's car, we both recognize it, and Norm goes racing down the hill, even though there's no hurry, but this is his one day every year to talk to his wife, so he's excited. Me following, more leisurely, by the time I get there Norm's lying on his grave.
    I know people have different opinions about this. Well?
    How to write a good start: Hidden Content . Useful, original information. Long and thorough.
    Includes Hidden Content (do you start with description?), Hidden Content (a favorite with publishers apparently), starting with Hidden Content (a lost art), and more.

  2. #2
    WF Veteran W.Goepner's Avatar
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    Very well expressed, And no, I do not mind you using my writing for examples.

    Maybe with your help and that of others I can refine my (Hehe) style and keep it. You know I really hate to deflate the idea, but it actually is a mistake, because I have not figured out what is correct. Now if it is a workable mistake, and can be worked into a style of writing then, who knows.
    My friends and family call me Bill, you may also.Hidden Content

    When people meet people,
    Potential Strangers, Acquaintances, Friends.

    When dogs meet people,
    Potential Friends, Acquaintances, Strangers.

    I would rather be the Dog.

    It takes only,
    A second to meet,
    A moment to know,
    A Lifetime to forget.


    A word without thought can destroy.
    Please remember to think before you speak.

  3. #3
    Original : I with my memories of all the bad crap in my life, I do not recall ever being teased about Lora.

    Minor adjustment : I, with my memories of all the bad crap in my life, I do not recall ever being teased about Lora. (Added a single comma after the first "I".)

  4. #4
    I with my memories of all the bad crap in my life, I do not recall ever being teased about Lora.
    I, with my memories of all the bad crap in my life, do not recall ever being teased about Lora.
    A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. Steven Wright

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by ppsage View Post
    I, with my memories of all the bad crap in my life, do not recall ever being teased about Lora.
    Which sentence do you like best?
    How to write a good start: Hidden Content . Useful, original information. Long and thorough.
    Includes Hidden Content (do you start with description?), Hidden Content (a favorite with publishers apparently), starting with Hidden Content (a lost art), and more.

  6. #6
    WF Veteran W.Goepner's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ppsage View Post
    I, with my memories of all the bad crap in my life, do not recall ever being teased about Lora.
    This one flows better.
    My friends and family call me Bill, you may also.Hidden Content

    When people meet people,
    Potential Strangers, Acquaintances, Friends.

    When dogs meet people,
    Potential Friends, Acquaintances, Strangers.

    I would rather be the Dog.

    It takes only,
    A second to meet,
    A moment to know,
    A Lifetime to forget.


    A word without thought can destroy.
    Please remember to think before you speak.

  7. #7
    ppsage's looks best to me because the second "I" was redundant.

    "Life is a risk; so is writing. You have to love it." ~ Richard Matheson

  8. #8
    Even with my memories of all the bad crap in my life, I do not recall ever being teased about Lora.
    A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. Steven Wright

  9. #9
    WF Veteran W.Goepner's Avatar
    Join Date
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    Quote Originally Posted by ppsage View Post
    Even with my memories of all the bad crap in my life, I do not recall ever being teased about Lora.
    Now knock that out, that looks right also. I know either works better than my original. I I stumbled over it also.
    My friends and family call me Bill, you may also.Hidden Content

    When people meet people,
    Potential Strangers, Acquaintances, Friends.

    When dogs meet people,
    Potential Friends, Acquaintances, Strangers.

    I would rather be the Dog.

    It takes only,
    A second to meet,
    A moment to know,
    A Lifetime to forget.


    A word without thought can destroy.
    Please remember to think before you speak.

  10. #10
    With this sentence at least, I would say the key is employing some of the tools you have for building subordinate clauses.
    A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking. Steven Wright

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