One Hundred Fourteen - Page 2


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Thread: One Hundred Fourteen

  1. #11
    Quote Originally Posted by Reichelina View Post
    Still inside me, we laid there under the moonlight exchanging words of lullabies.
    In that moment, he did not just become the center of my world.
    He became my world.
    Good, intense ending. A great way to finish up strong.

    Thanks for the read!

  2. #12
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Location
    Unites States
    Posts
    41
    Nice story,but i feel something here...me,i do not use the same word in a sentence twice.The sentence with the hair was the only one that i would change.If it was my story,the sentece would sound like this:He untied my long dark hair,allowing it to fall,sweeping my moist skin.I just added a small something that i really like.This is just how i do things,it doesn't mean you should do the same.The idea itself is good,i kind of understand the girl's insecurity.

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