Samuel Wasserman and Bill Conner

[W.Goepner]

Alfred I apologize.

I apologize for caring at all if you get the support you asked for, from a writing community.
I apologize for expressing, if you clean up your piece you MIGHT! have more people look at it.
I apologize that you wasted your money coming here to expose your works where your blog spot might be failing.

Our community of writers, take time out of their life to assist where they think they can help. Yes you like your piece, we writers tend to think there is nothing wrong and want to show the world how brilliant we are. Where in truth we all need some sort of help with some piece or other, otherwise we would not be here. Well there are those who actually joined because they feel their experience can help those who want or need it.

Please attempt to reorganize and reformat, so those who would, can help you. If you honestly thought to come here and simply display your works like a blog spot, you disappoint me and many of our community. This really is not the place for that.

Also I apologize to any of our community I may have offended.

[kilroy214]

I would like to remind everyone that this is now the second time I've had to drop a warning in here due to asinine personal attacks, so I'm going to spell it out for you; If I see one more attack on anyone's personal character, this thread will be permanently locked, and the offending member will be dealt with swiftly and without prejudice.
That is all.

[W.Goepner]

Thank you Alfred,

You did a fine job with separating the piece out. It makes it a thousand times better to read. Thank you again.

I am not as learned as some who have given you advice. But, I do like to read. I agree with PrinzeCharming, on a few points. One being the back story being told in the dialogue. They know one another, we do not know them. Best friends usually will not tell how and why they are where they are to each other every time they meet, especially if they went through it together. So to put some of the back story they are telling us into the narration, it would help the flow. As it is I found myself skimming over the chatter, and trying to catch the relevant points.

I personally, am not a fan of detective stories. (I have too many dreams in my head for them) I do like good stories though. This can become a much better piece with a little cleaning and arranging. If you want me to elaborate on any of it, ask. I will be honest, I am reading a large amount of likeness to my early writing. Like I said I am not well learned and might not be the best one to seek out for help, but I will try if you will.