King Tut and the Ghetto Slut [language]


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Thread: King Tut and the Ghetto Slut [language]

  1. February 25th, 2016, 01:13 PM #1
    Firemajic
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    King Tut and the Ghetto Slut [language]

    Old King Tut was higher than a kite
    and Queen Cleo was gone for the night
    he was in need of a sexy diversion
    so he headed out on a little excursion

    He proudly put on his royal crown
    and left his tomb, to paint the town
    his destination was the local Bar
    where he was a Super Star

    All the "Regulars" loved His Royal Highness
    the booze he bought was always the finest
    he ordered drinks all around
    and guzzled those shots right on down

    Then old King Tut saw a sexy little piece
    with Cleo gone, he was off his leash
    he said " come here baby, I'll buy you a drink"
    and she was on his lap, as quick as a wink

    Old Tut's hands were all over the place
    as his royal lips devoured her face
    Then hell blew through the bar room door
    as Cleo sashayed across the floor....

    She knocked that cheap chick on her ass
    and in Tut's face she threw his glass
    she leaned real close and whispered in his ear
    her voice was soft, but her message was clear

    "I'm going to take every thing you own
    that tacky crown AND your outdated throne
    I'll OWN that robe that is on your back
    and you will be dressed in a gunny sack"

    She said "say good bye to my Royal Ass
    you were born a King, but you have no class
    SAYONARA to you and your little limp dick
    enjoy your low class Ghetto Chick"

    As old King Tut lay on the bar room floor
    watching his Queen walk out the door
    he wished he had kept his ass at home
    and kept his hands where they belonged....
    Last edited by Firemajic; February 25th, 2016 at 05:42 PM.
    She lost herself in the trees,
    among the ever-changing leaves.
    She wept beneath the wild sky
    as stars told stories of ancient times.
    The flowers grew toward her light,
    the river called her name at night.
    She could not live an ordinary life,
    with the mysteries of the universe
    hidden in her eyes....
    Author: Christy Ann Martine

    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    love leaves a memory no one can steal....
    Author unknown.
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  2. February 25th, 2016, 02:36 PM #2
    ned
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    enjoyed this royal romp - great imagination in the humour
    with lines like 'and she was on his lap, as quick as a wink'

    ...but certainly, from the feminine point of view!

    cheers
    Ned
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  3. February 25th, 2016, 02:43 PM #3
    midnightpoet
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    A good laugh, I wasn't sure about Cleo knowing a Japanese word, but in a way it made it funnier. Some of the lines (to me) didn't scan as well as others - go back and read it out loud to yourself. Overall great job.
    "Put not your trust not in princes, in the children of men,
    in whom there is no salvation."
    Psalm 146

    Timely, isn't it?
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  4. February 25th, 2016, 04:37 PM #4
    jenthepen
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    Julia, what a great fun-filled romp! I always enjoy your funny and sexy 'alternative histories'

    You have this structured pretty neatly, with a four stanza build-up and then the turn in the fifth, followed by four more stanzas dealing with revenge. Good stuff.

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  5. February 25th, 2016, 05:01 PM #5
    Glyax
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    Quote Originally Posted by Firemajic View Post
    Old King Tut was higher than a kite
    and Queen Cleo was gone for the night
    he was In need of a sexy diversion
    so he headed out on a little excursion

    He proudly put on his royal crown *I'm trying to think if we can change 'put on' to something else, but for some reason all I'm thinking of is donned...which is meh*
    and left his tomb, to paint the town
    his destination was the local Bar
    where he was a Super Star

    All the "Regulars" loved "His Royal Highness"
    the booze he bought, was always the finest
    he ordered drinks all around
    and guzzled those shots were guzzled right on down

    Then Old King Tut saw a sexy little piece
    with Cleo gone, he was off his leash
    he said " come here baby, I'll buy you a drink"
    and she was on his lap, as quick as a wink

    Old Tut's hands were all over the place
    as his royal lips devoured her face
    Then hell blew through the bar room door
    as Cleo sashayed across the floor....

    She knocked that cheap chick on her ass
    and in Tut's face she threw his glass *is it supposed to be her glass? or his glass?*
    she leaned real close and whispered in his ear
    her voice was soft, but her message was clear

    "I'm going to take every thing you own
    that tacky crown AND your outdated throne
    I'll OWN that robe that is on your back
    and you will be dressed in a gunny sack"

    She said "say good bye to my Royal Ass
    you were born a King, but you have no class
    SAYONARA to you and your little limp dick
    enjoy your low class Ghetto Chick"

    As old King Tut lay on the bar room floor
    watching his Queen walk out the door
    he wished he had kept his ass at home
    and kept his hands where they belonged.... *pronounciation difference here? Or purposeful break from your rhyming scheme?* more curious than a critique


    I attmpted to do editing the fanceh way . That being said, this was a very fun, enjoyable piece . I liked how you kept the mood light, playful, and yet were able to keep it flowing nicely. Woe to the day we utilize our beautiful words and poetry...to describe ho's let be! haha (that was my attempt at a bad litearary joke )
    ~Glyax

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  6. February 25th, 2016, 05:11 PM #6
    Nellie
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    Wonderful..... told King Tut a thing or two...

    Thanks for making my day brighter!!
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  7. February 25th, 2016, 05:51 PM #7
    Firemajic
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    ned, I am glad you enjoyed.. Thank you.

    midnight... I will work on smoothing out the rhythm... thanks..

    jen and Nellie, this poem is based on a friend of mine.. we do call him King Tut..

    Glyax... thanks for your fabulous insight...

    for those who "laughed".. fabulous.. thank you..
    She lost herself in the trees,
    among the ever-changing leaves.
    She wept beneath the wild sky
    as stars told stories of ancient times.
    The flowers grew toward her light,
    the river called her name at night.
    She could not live an ordinary life,
    with the mysteries of the universe
    hidden in her eyes....
    Author: Christy Ann Martine

    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    love leaves a memory no one can steal....
    Author unknown.
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  8. February 25th, 2016, 06:17 PM #8
    Sonata
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    What a treasure and what a pleasure to read and yes, I did laugh out loud, waking the puppy!

    No hiding behind the couch for this delightful piece. Thank you!
    Last edited by Sonata; February 25th, 2016 at 09:40 PM.
    If you talk to a cat they look at you as if you are way below their intelligence to even listen.
    However, when you talk to a dog they look at you with such admiration and really do seem to understand what you are saying.
    Even if it is a bit silly...
    ...they still think you are wonderful.
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  9. February 25th, 2016, 09:28 PM #9
    Firemajic
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    hahaaa.... I am glad you enjoyed this poem Sonata... Thank you for reading and for your sublime comment...
    She lost herself in the trees,
    among the ever-changing leaves.
    She wept beneath the wild sky
    as stars told stories of ancient times.
    The flowers grew toward her light,
    the river called her name at night.
    She could not live an ordinary life,
    with the mysteries of the universe
    hidden in her eyes....
    Author: Christy Ann Martine

    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    love leaves a memory no one can steal....
    Author unknown.
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  10. February 26th, 2016, 12:30 AM #10
    Rafal
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    How odd that King Tut lived to be 1400 years of age. That would make him older than any person who "lived" - religious legend or otherwise.

    It is cute, light... and rather boringly cliched. Husband with a shrew of a wife gets a little action and then slapped in the face. You couldn't have made it more cliched had she been sitting across the table from him while he had the maid sitting in his lap on a wink.
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