In Absentia


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Thread: In Absentia

  1. #1

    In Absentia

    Losing you rendered me speechless
    left me with no way to express my grief

    Tears washed the color from my eyes
    blinded, I can not see tomorrow

    Sorrow is such a heavy burden
    I stumble under the weight of your memory
    Last edited by Firemajic; February 19th, 2016 at 10:20 PM.
    She lost herself in the trees,
    among the ever-changing leaves.
    She wept beneath the wild sky
    as stars told stories of ancient times.
    The flowers grew toward her light,
    the river called her name at night.
    She could not live an ordinary life,
    with the mysteries of the universe
    hidden in her eyes....
    Author: Christy Ann Martine

    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    love leaves a memory no one can steal....
    Author unknown.

  2. #2
    It's a gift to be able to take crippling sorrow and express it so perfectly. Thank you.

  3. #3
    it would be churlish to critique such a moving dedication -

    but the grammar-nazi in me has no heart - can not = cannot

    thanks for sharing
    Ned

  4. #4
    WF Veteran Bloggsworth's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ned View Post
    it would be churlish to critique such a moving dedication -

    but the grammar-nazi in me has no heart - can not = cannot

    thanks for sharing
    Ned
    Cannot and can not are not always interchangeable...
    A man in possession of a wooden spoon must be in want of a pot to stir.

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by ned View Post
    but the grammar-nazi in me has no heart
    Ned
    Well said!

    And now, to Firemajic, this poem left me speechless. Thanks for sharing your heart.

  6. #6
    Member Sonata's Avatar
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    To come back after a brief hiatus to see such a poem - makes me realise what I have missed.
    If you talk to a cat they look at you as if you are way below their intelligence to even listen.
    However, when you talk to a dog they look at you with such admiration and really do seem to understand what you are saying.
    Even if it is a bit silly...
    ...they still think you are wonderful.


  7. #7
    I like it best when your poetry radiates emotion, unfortunately though, your poem's lines are often quite literal and that's what hurts them. As example:

    S1 can be replaced by: My voice lost
    S2 can be replaced by: My vision tear-washed away.

    Maybe?

  8. #8
    The Fox Smith's Avatar
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    Sometimes though, through simplistic straight-forwardness comes the greatest emotion, thought, and understanding. As is the case of Hemingway's story "For sale: baby shoes, never worn."

    But if Firemajic thinks that what she is trying to express here could be improved through complexity, I'm all for it!
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  9. #9
    Thanks to all who read and commented on this poem.. In life, we can suffer the loss of a loved one from death, or, because They turn their back and walk away from you.. or... maybe, there comes a time when you understand.. that someone is just not good for you, and will potentially destroy you, so you are forced to make a terrible decision.. there are some losses in life, worse than death... these were my thoughts as I wrote this poem..

    Thanks to those who "liked" this poem...
    She lost herself in the trees,
    among the ever-changing leaves.
    She wept beneath the wild sky
    as stars told stories of ancient times.
    The flowers grew toward her light,
    the river called her name at night.
    She could not live an ordinary life,
    with the mysteries of the universe
    hidden in her eyes....
    Author: Christy Ann Martine

    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    love leaves a memory no one can steal....
    Author unknown.

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