My heart is broken


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Thread: My heart is broken

  1. #1

    My heart is broken

    My heart is broken----

    Lying in the cold basement motionlessly,

    my empty eyes stare into nowhere,

    my soul is not with me anymore.



    My heart is broken---

    He won't look at me anymore.

    I am invisible in his eyes,

    He is seeing someone else!



    My heart is broken----

    He once has held me so dear.

    I miss the tender touches of his fingertips,

    and his eager eyes with desire.
    He said it's hard to resist my scents and charm.




    But now, he just cruelly dumped me,

    This heartless, ungrateful man.

    He has got someone else,

    so he dumped me aside!

    He said he had been fascinated with

    someone else's scents and enchantment.



    My heart is broken----

    I recall the painful past while still hoping that

    the one who I hate will come back to love me again.

    I am waiting for him to give me another glance.



    But I am abandoned by him forever!

    I hate him so much, I feel so annoyed.

    This is a cold world.

    And he, my owner, will sell me to

    a used book store at a very low price tomorrow.

    Oh! This heartless man!

    Feb.13, 2016


    "I" am a book. I found that in Canada new books are so expensive, and used books are so cheap.
    At a used bookstore two years ago I bought a copy of House Of Earth by Pearl S. Buck with only 1 or 1.5 bucks.


    I wrote the Chinese part first and then translated into English.
    The Chinese version link: http://www.backchina.com/blog/358517...le-243803.html
    Last edited by xiaoman; February 17th, 2016 at 02:12 AM.
    Call for submissions Hidden Content


    “奇遇” The Wonder of Encounters: A collection of short stories By Minglu Zheng

  2. #2
    The emotion in this poem could be felt at the beginning. It had an interesting twist. The protagonist was a book who felt abandoned. Poor, poor book.
    You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. -Maya Angelou

  3. #3
    The twist turned what I thought was a rather cliche break-up poem into something quite a bit more fun. Well done surprising me!

    My main personal suggestion: Everyone loves/hates/emotionally-reacts-to puns, especially when you can sneak them in and ambush us with them. Since this twist was nearly invisible until the end, can you work in references to things like "the emotion he used to read in the lines of my face," "his fingers down my spine," "no words were left to share between us," "like all the stories we'd shared meant nothing," or "threw my jacket at me and sent me out the door?" I'm sure there are plenty of other puns that will suddenly add a flood of meaning upon the reader's achievement of the twist. Just so long as it remains subtle enough to not give things away.
    I don't write stories, I lick them out of the ice and let them find their own way.Hidden Content
    Hidden Content
    Hidden Content

  4. #4
    Great suggestions, haha... Thanks! J.W.Olson
    "the emotion he used to read in the lines of my face," "his fingers down my spine," "no words were left to share between us," "like all the stories we'd shared meant nothing," or "threw my jacket at me and sent me out the door?"
    Call for submissions Hidden Content


    “奇遇” The Wonder of Encounters: A collection of short stories By Minglu Zheng

  5. #5
    Too bad, so sad.
    Call for submissions Hidden Content


    “奇遇” The Wonder of Encounters: A collection of short stories By Minglu Zheng

  6. #6
    xiaoman... shaaaame on youuuu...lol... ok! I thought this was clich้, and I confess, I was a little disappointed in you... haaaha... You tricked me.. anyway.. j.w. has some fabulous suggestions to make this even MORE fun to read, and push this poem to the sublime...
    She lost herself in the trees,
    among the ever-changing leaves.
    She wept beneath the wild sky
    as stars told stories of ancient times.
    The flowers grew toward her light,
    the river called her name at night.
    She could not live an ordinary life,
    with the mysteries of the universe
    hidden in her eyes....
    Author: Christy Ann Martine

    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    love leaves a memory no one can steal....
    Author unknown.

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