"Fiery Glow" Voting Thread

[Cran]

Yes, tough. I'm still working my way through them all, in between other things.

[Cran]

I could have used another couple of votes for this one; certainly enough deserving efforts in this challenge, although this is the first challenge I've spend any time on in years. Congrats to everyone who participated, and to Lisa and all the poetry challenge organisers for keeping this challenge going and inspiring the number and quality of entries.

I do feel somewhat for Ned compromising his effort with that late edit, especially as it appears to have been so well received by others.

I could have easily voted for five that I felt most deserving; having to cull those to three has left me with recurring second thoughts.

This is what I found:

January Challenge: "Fiery Glow":

We begin with a piece that is light apparently layered over some depth. Little trips into rhythm and rhyme make for a generally pleasant time. A reminder of the anachronistic and insightful humour of BC earns thanks.

Cavemen *

Johnny Hart [O1] paves the way
to the periodicals

ancient riddle. Talltales [O2] scribbled
upon walls,

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[O1]Reference to comic genius behind BC comics.
[O2]Interesting meld of telltales with tall tales. That’s what you did, right?

---

WORKSHOP ENTRY –
Have we found America’s Pam Ayers? Or perhaps a channelling of the popular British poet entertainer or her muse? A light rhyming bit of fire and fun. Oh yes, those moments when I would lament that “burning ring of fire!” Plain yoghurt or sour cream is my salvation, my way to beat the system before the system heats me.

PAR-TAY!

The [O1] quantities …

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[O1]For consistency, this shouldn’t be capped.

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WORKSHOP ENTRY –
When it comes to haiku, I am ignorance squared. I believe they adhere to a strict syllabic pattern (5/7/5), and should make some observation, simple yet profound, of the natural world. As far as I can tell, this is achieved.

Luminous (Haiku)

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Beyond fair poetic prose in a geometric construction, some plays on words, and a sense of endings, I’m not sure what to take from this one. Even allowing for poetic license, I’m jarred by some word or grammar choices.

Flood
Sins stride the sand at the mouth [O1] of the sea

While [O2] Love leaves on a
setting sun with
a sail of
shame laced-
red.[O3]

---

[O1]Mouth? I know rivers have mouths, but seas? That, I didn’t know. Unless you mean the Straits of Gibraltar as the mouth of the Mediterranean? Or somewhere similar for another sea?
[O2]While suggests this last be attached to the previous; if not it creates an unfinished statement.
[O3]I can see all sorts of something-laced, but no laced-something works for me. In other words, shame-laced red would have worked; red-laced shame would have worked. But not the arrangement as it appears here.

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A tale, the sire’s fate, a hint of myth in the names, a recurring flow of words in mobile lines. Part of a series, perhaps? Importantly, to me at least, there is a rhythm and flow that is in tune with the story; a piece to be spoken perhaps with wine, ale or mead, fire and shadows.

An Ember of Truth

It was truth reflected; Jackaby’s fate meted upon the shore, a blazing aureole.(2)
Echo and Miri, quicksilver flowing, the embers of his line, fires of his soul.(4)

To the Trioctopi[O1] , scarlet tentacles snatching, sister of the Night Galleon, fell.

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[O1]This is not the usual tri-octopi, I’m guessing, but something more like the kraken. Yes or no, I doubt it should be title capped.

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Again, I’m not sure what to take from this one. Some sharp images – modern words replacing old – but, considering the title, the imagery in the second is suspiciously descriptive of novelty condoms, making the whole an interval in some organic, perhaps member-driven, convergence.

Spark of Love

Beautifully crafted cocoons left from infatuation or lust,
the decreased caterpillars shriveled from insufficient trust.
Dismembered victims carried wings that once tickled the walls,
new echoes from a voice linger from the calls.

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A brilliant, brilliant opening par/stanza/verse/whatever – great concept and wonderful image – is let down by the rest, a mix of traditional but too often prosaic phrasing, and a fairly ordinary message. The journey also shifts from intensely individual to superficially generic which doesn’t help.

Sailor from the Iron
Molten red awaited form:
the heart within the lion,
from the fiery glow to mold
the sailor from the iron.

The fresh fleet set against them
made their worn ships look old.[O1]

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[O1]Whether it’s the unnecessary extra syllable, or the arrangement of words, this line doesn’t work. If it were me, I’d drop look – it’s useless here, and then play with the position of worn in that line.

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A creation story or myth in rhyme, with a creator called “Great” or something like that. As a simple teaching fable, it mostly works.

The late edit is problematic.

Last edited by ned; Mon 11 January 2016 at 10:08 PM.
Posted: Mon 11 January 2016, 09:55 PM
Bang!

Akbar took a strand of nothing,

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An informal portrait of age in anonymity, accepting of the time, the shadowed path ahead, still proud in self and place, some Yiddish influence in the home, and Elvis remembered. A little says a lot in this piece.

Almost Done *
she runs a feather duster
over chachkies--a pink
ceramic Cadillac
with sequin-suited figurine

hums a few bars of “Burning Love”

---

Funny and scary, a clever corruption of Star Light Star Bright, structured like a flame, smoke or protest march, leads into what appears to be a dark rites declaration of war against that insidious usurper of daily life: information technology. And while we are at it, the mob demands, let’s get rid of it all and start over with fire and stone. The wheel can wait. Better the devil you know.

Fireball

make the devil pay---
with iTs blood and bones this very night…

till the end and beginning of time …

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Thoughtful, premeditated and premedicated, DIY cremation. A very good work with only one disagreement: what has occurred in this piece is not divorce but self-imposed widowhood. Any question of morality I leave to the moralists.

Home Cooking (Mature Content)
Divorce by fire

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A story of rebellious youth turned exile, ending with a sundown ritual of spiritual and possibly physical suicide. I don’t know if such a figure was ever made legend, or if the list of activities were ever contemporaneous as suggested, or if they are merged here just as Ra and Horus were in an ancient time. Regardless, it is a simple yet powerful work with layers of meaning.

Sacrifice
His dying cry, mere whispers in men’s minds.

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Imagination is a wonderful gift that can become a terrible curse when alone in the dark. Rendered blind in the night, other senses increase, making the ordinary and familiar into other things, strange and sinister. This is well illustrated.

Walking Home *

Fear is something that crowds into the mind
and leaves dread choosing what it will find,
a chaos that cannot be read.

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When the Devil was sent to Hades, the latter remarked, “Well, there goes the neighbourhood.” Rebellion and plummeting property values ensued, and the surface has been dealing with refugees from the afterlife ever since. I like the descriptive phrases.

From The Embers of Hell

Diablo, [O1] stokes the fiery glow
and flames leap and roar
as geezers [O2] blow.

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[O1]This comma doesn’t belong.
[O2]A pun? A play on words? Geezers as geysers?

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[rcallaci]

Cran

Thanks for the critique and devoting the time and effort to give all the poems a once over.

I love fracturing fairy-tales and wish upon a star poems. -My poem was feeling lonely and neglected and highly appreciates that someone understood what it was attempting to do. I couldn't explain my piece any better-

warmest
bob

[Chesters Daughter]

Bob beat me to it, lol. Thank you, Admiral, for taking so much of your precious time to go "old school" challenge style. It's been too long a time since one of these threads were used for their intended purpose. I'm hoping to be able to mirror your fine example once real life lets me be. Your observations are spot on, but I wouldn't expect anything less.

Many thanks again for bringing the challenge back to its roots. Hugs.

[Phil Istine]

Indeed, thank you Cran for running your eye over the poems. You didn't quite get my intended meaning on the last part, but that's probably the way I wrote it. The "suicide" was by the Sun God (I capitalised 'His' in the hope of clarifying that). The young man stopped believing in his God so I portrayed it as a suicide by the God - I just thought it would be an unusual take on it.

[Cran]

Cran

Thanks for the critique and devoting the time and effort to give all the poems a once over.

I love fracturing fairy-tales and wish upon a star poems. -My poem was feeling lonely and neglected and highly appreciates that someone understood what it was attempting to do. I couldn't explain my piece any better-

warmest
bob

Bob beat me to it, lol. Thank you, Admiral, for taking so much of your precious time to go "old school" challenge style. It's been too long a time since one of these threads were used for their intended purpose. I'm hoping to be able to mirror your fine example once real life lets me be. Your observations are spot on, but I wouldn't expect anything less.

Many thanks again for bringing the challenge back to its roots. Hugs.

It has been a long time, certainly too long on my part. I'm sorry that others haven't stepped up in that interval to show the entrants what can only otherwise be guessed; that each piece has been read as if judged.

Indeed, thank you Cran for running your eye over the poems. You didn't quite get my intended meaning on the last part, but that's probably the way I wrote it. The "suicide" was by the Sun God (I capitalised 'His' in the hope of clarifying that). The young man stopped believing in his God so I portrayed it as a suicide by the God - I just thought it would be an unusual take on it.

That was the ritual option I mentioned; the more likely interpretation. Poetry still retains some ambiguity in title capping personalities, especially in the first word of the line. The connection between god and man seemed to be there. Especially in rejection, for rejection is power taken, the claim to equivalence if not equality. Therefore, each is the other. Or, did you not intend that?

[Phil Istine]

That was the ritual option I mentioned; the more likely interpretation. Poetry still retains some ambiguity in title capping personalities, especially in the first word of the line. The connection between god and man seemed to be there. Especially in rejection, for rejection is power taken, the claim to equivalence if not equality. Therefore, each is the other. Or, did you not intend that?

My aim with the poem was much simpler than that. I took an aspect of the first thirty five years of my own life and transplanted it into another time and setting with a different God even. This isn't the arena to re-hash the difficulties of my early life, but writing that poem was quite liberating.

[aj47]

Wow, Cran. I never knew people did that (or I would have done it). I guess I'm too new or that it's too old school.

I'd give you reputation if it would let me -- not for the commentary on my piece, but for the whole ... enchilada.

[Cran]

My aim with the poem was much simpler than that. I took an aspect of the first thirty five years of my own life and transplanted it into another time and setting with a different God even. This isn't the arena to re-hash the difficulties of my early life, but writing that poem was quite liberating.

I hear that.

Wow, Cran. I never knew people did that (or I would have done it). I guess I'm too new or that it's too old school.

I'd give you reputation if it would let me -- not for the commentary on my piece, but for the whole ... enchilada.

As Lisa noted, it goes back to the roots of the challenge, and a rejuvenation or two since. The original poetry challenge came out of the LM; well, the poets were kicked out of the LM which was wanting to focus on prose fiction.

When I joined WF, the first go at a poetry challenge had died. Rob and some other members started up another which the admin of the day eventually got behind. There were attempts at judged challenges, but a lot of disagreement over how that should be done. That led to a falling out between some members and staffers of the day, and yours truly getting a reputation for making trouble. There was some suspicion that I had (or should have) been a lawyer. Even though judging gave way to polling, I still added my comments for each poem with my voting post.

That did seem to encourage others to add their reasons for their voting selections, and the entrants were getting some feedback on their efforts in the challenge, even though all were encouraged to post their poems for individual critique after the challenge if they had not already posted them before the challenge began.

I washed my hands of the whole argument and poetry challenge management, and spent time elsewhere on the forum until real life stepped in and I was out of contact for nearly a year.

When I came back, Rob had taken over the forum, and the poetry challenge was ticking along with Lisa at the helm and polling decided as the way to handle the assessment phase of the challenge.

Most of my time was taken up with some of Rob's other projects - especially Motley Press - so I wasn't able to put back into the poetry challenge and barely managed to stay on top of the board mod stuff for the brief time I was a poetry board mod (much to Olly's dismay; he thought I should stay a mentor, but he didn't know about the secret plan of taking over from Rob in late 2012).

Lisa was also going through bouts of real life, so the poetry challenge was managed by others at different times, and the patterns set by the regulars dictated each cycle. They did try the anonymous entry version, which squashed the rumours that popularity alone was determining who won the polls. And, of course, it did give rise to the most notorious sock puppetry, which led us to make some changes and to keeping a close eye on the polls as they happen.

[aj47]

The sad part is that my life was just dumped on and I probably won't have time for the next few months to even enter the challenges. But I will remember and when I have time, I will take it.