Christmas in Houston Blues (12-Bar) - Page 2


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Thread: Christmas in Houston Blues (12-Bar)

  1. #11
    Heh. I lived in Houston for a few years in the nineties (still visit family there) and I remember the winters being this wonderfully dreary time that really put a different spin, a different vibe, on the city. But it did seem to sort of shut down during the season, like it didn't know quite how to behave when the temerpature dropped below 65.


    Hidden Content Monthly Fiction Challenge


    Beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror which we are barely able to endure, and are awed,
    because it serenely disdains to annihilate us.
    - Rainer Maria Rilke, "Elegy I"

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    Is this fire, or is this mask?
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  2. #12
    The only song I ever wrote was intended to be sung blues style. A musician friend said it couldn't be done. I wondered how that could be since I can sing it bluesy. Aha! Maybe it has something to do with bars. I know nothin' about those kind of bars. Hmmmm.

  3. #13
    Post it. In a workshop is fine. We can then look at it together--I came to poetry through the side-door of songwriting.
    Dream big, fight hard, live proud!

  4. #14
    Ok. I'm going to be gone much of December, so I'll throw it up in January. I'm curious to see exactly why it's not suitable as written for blues music. The words sure are.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by astroannie View Post
    I really hate December, 'cause Christmas always brings me down.
    Oh, yeah, I really hate December, 'cause Christmas always brings me down.
    I want Christmas to be white, you know -- but Christmas here is always brown

    You know while other folks are smiling, I almost always wear a frown
    You know while other folks are smiling, I almost always wear a frown
    I want Christmas to be white, you know -- but Christmas here is always brown

    I don't wanna spend my Christmas stuck here in this Houston town
    I don't wanna spend my Christmas stuck here in this Houston town
    I want Christmas to be white, you know -- but Christmas here is always brown
    Have you tried singing this out loud?

    Cause I'm not digging it in the slightest.


    I mean taking one line:

    I want Christmas to be white, you know -- but Christmas here is always brown

    I want that white Christmas, ya know -- but it just won't snow.
    That can still be improved upon if the entire song is changed around. I could change this around but have always believed how you don't learn if someone else does the work for you.

    But for that particular line ask yourself what is appealing about a "brown" Christmas? Brown is rot, brown is poop, brown is mud, etc. Sure you don't want a sparkly Christmas scene but there are better ways to do it. From a lyrical standpoint you've pretty much just slung mud at your listeners really and they're going wow, wow what happened here.


    That first paragraph alone the way you have it, it would literally sound like this: start - stumble - stop, start - stumble - stop, start - stop. There is almost no rhythm. It somewhat rhymes. Such a method may work for poetry sure. But there is a reason why few songwriters will call themselves poets just as few poets will call themselves songwriters.
    I once asked a blind man "what can you see" and he said infinity,
    I once asked a deaf man "what can you hear" and he said eternity,
    I once asked a crippled man "what can you do" and he said anything,
    I once asked a mute "what can you say" and he mouthed everything.

    But when I asked myself those same questions I knew not what to say, see or do. PaMb

  6. #16
    Song of nostalgia! I'm leery of competing with the queen of Christmas miss Mariah Carey but you go right ahead.

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