Timeless #1 (Warning: Maturity)


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  1. #1
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    Timeless #1 (Warning: Maturity)

    ​This is my first attempt at a comic book script. Feel free to find all the problems Enjoy


    Page 1


    Panel 1 In space, there are several ruined space ships and satellites that circle a dusty orange planet.


    Panel 2 A worms eye view above a ruined city. Vines and shrubs started to grow across the street and upwards on buildings. And instead of it's usual blue, the sky was a reddish brown.


    CAPTION Do you recognize this world?

    Page 2



    Panel 1 There is a robbed figure standing on a statue that was stuck in the middle of the road. Off in the distance, a colossal humanoid robot was rising above the clouds.


    Panel 2 A dark blue glow surrounded the figures hands as well as had tribal markings appear all over the figures robes.


    Panel 3 Almost instantly, the robot was surrounded by a similar blue glow and started to dissolve out of existence.


    Panel 4 When it was finally gone, the figure stopped glowing and began to float into the sky.


    CAPTION I don't either.

    Page 3



    Panel 1 In the slums of the ruined city, several large hellish looking hounds were devouring a group of people.


    Panel 2 An even larger, similar looking, but more humanoid monster was standing in the street across.


    Panel 3 A close up on the monsters white mussel would reveal that it has no mouth, or nose.

    Page 4



    Panel 1 The bipedal monster, as well as the smaller ones, suddenly look up to see the robed figure hovering just overhead.


    Panel 2 The camera closes up to the figures glowing blue eye looking slightly down to the street below.


    Panel 3 The camera moves back a few feet to reveal the bipedal wolf monster inches away from the robed figure.


    CAPTION But I can say one thing...

    Page 5



    Panel 1 The camera switches to behind the monster swiping its massive claw at the figure as the figure begins to glow blue.


    Panel 2 Before the swipe could make contact, the figure had already disappeared.


    Panel 3 A birds eye view down on a ruined tower would reveal the figure appearing in a flash of light.


    Panel 4 The figure begins to walk down the side of the tilting building.


    Nabu
    Those guys have been here longer than me.

    Page 6



    Panel 1 NABU floats the rest of the way down, avoiding the wreckage of post Armageddon


    NABU
    Nothing here seems right. I have a feeling that everything was once different. Better.

    NABU
    I don't understand. Why was I born on such a place?

    Page 7



    Panel 1 A close up shot on the bipedal monster staring at NABU from a bridge.


    Panel 2 A wide shot would reveal a man clutching a book while running from a group of hound monsters on a one way street.


    Panel 3 The camera switches to behind the hounds as they quickly pounce towards the man.


    Panel 4 A close up on the mans eye showing the reflection of the hounds mere seconds away from devouring him.


    Panel 5 The camera backs up a few feet to reveal that the man was protected by a blue force field. Unaware of this, he still shielded himself with one arm.


    Man
    Get away!!

    Page 8




    Panel 1 The camera backs up a few feet to reveal that the force field had grew into a large dome that took up most of the road, while the black hounds are quickly filling it.


    Panel 2 Inside the dome, the man was clutching the book in the fetal position. The camera is angled down a few feet above the street as we can see the silhouettes of the monsters from behind the dome.


    NABU
    Excuse me...

    Panel 4 A close up on the mans face as he looks up to where the voice was coming from.


    Panel 5 The camera moves to the mans side as he stares with his mouth agape at NABU standing a few feet away from him.


    NABU
    Who are you?

    Page 9



    Panel 1 The man slowly stumbles to his feet. One arm clutching the book while the other shakily reaches for NABU.


    MAN
    Y--You're her..

    Panel 2 Camera switches to NABU as she tilts her head to the side slightly.


    NABU
    I'm who?

    Panel 3 The now hundreds of monster hounds begin to dig their steel like claws into the barrier. Tearing it and releasing an ear piercing sound. The panel shows both Nabu and the man desperately covering their ears


    SFX: SKKREEEEEEEEEEE


    NABU
    Ahhh!! W-What is that?!

    Panel 4 Nabu is seconds away from vanishing in a flash of light, but the man manages to grab onto her.


    Panel 5 Seconds after they disappear, the hounds make their way to the center, sniffing away at the sparkling essence left behind.

    Pag 10



    Panel 1 Nabu and the man soon reaper on top of a tower and land with a thud.


    Panel 2 Nabu stands up, clutching her head in pain as the man stood to his feet.


    NABU(DISTRESSED)
    W--Wha!! Book of..n-need to get back!

    Panel 3 Nabu quickly covered her mouth as the man finally stood eye level.


    Nabu
    I-I know you.

    MAN
    Of course you do.

    Panel 4 Nabu's body suddenly started to glow as the man dusted the book off.


    MAN
    Though, it makes *cough* perfect sense for you to be confused--


    Panel 5 The man's legs gave out and he fell. Nabu reacted just in time to save him from falling while her robe slid off to the ground.

    Page 11



    Panel 1 A full page panel revealing Nabu's true form. Her skin is a light tan and her hair is dark brown and shoulder length. Her eyes are yellow with black eye liner. An open leather vest revealing a matching tube top. Matching pants that went down to her knees and furred boots. Her nose wan black, and on her head, was a pair of antlers.


    NABU
    T-This is what I look like..?


    MAN(Off-panel)
    Yes.

    Page 12



    Panel 1 Nabu carefully helps the man to his feet.


    MAN
    B-By the ten...you look just like her....


    NABU
    Like who?


    Panel 2 A small shot of the man handing the book to Nabu.


    Panel 3 The man practically shoves the book to Nabu's chest, to which she grabs it with a shocked expression.


    MAN
    You need to hurry!!


    NABU
    What're you--


    Panel 4 Nabu steps back a few feet, still holding the book as the man falls to his hands and knees.


    NABU
    What're you talking about!? Why do I need to hurry?!


    Panel 5 Nabu becomes more angered as she steps close to the now shaking man.


    NABU
    Who am I!? Why do I have these powers!? And how do you know who I am?!!


    Panel 6 The man explodes in a flame of black and red. Nabu instinctively creates a blue barrier to protect herself.


    SFX: KAAAA-BOOOOOOMMMM



    (As foretold...another has risen)

    Page 13



    Panel 1 As the smoke cleared away, the barrier started to disappeared as Nabu moved an arm to just above her forehead.


    NABU
    What was that..?


    Panel 2 Standing on top of the smoking ashes of the man, SIGMA stood. A 9 foot tall, pitch black bipedal wolf with a pure white muzzle. Each both arms were about as long as a person and his claws resembled serrated machetes. He also wore a red and gold kings crown. He has no eye pupils, nose or a mouth.


    SIGMA
    A shame. Thou doesn't have thy past selves memories.


    Panel 3 Nabu took one step closer to Sigma, who now had his arms crossed.


    NABU
    Memories? What memories!? I don't know who you are!! How can you know me!? And why are you talking like that!?


    SIGMA
    Well then, dost makes my job simple.


    Panel 4 Sigma extended his claws to Nabu, more precisely, the book in her arms.


    SIGMA
    Do thyself a favor and relive thyself of that book. Thou doesn't seem to emit even the foggiest bit of interest for it anyways.


    Panel 5 Nabu looks down too the book and slightly releases her grip.


    Panel 6 In a split second, she wraps her arms tightly around it again and backs away from Sigma.


    NABU
    Why do you want it?

    Page 14



    Panel 1 A small shot of Sigma as he slightly squinted his eyes.


    Panel 2 Sigma crosses his arms again and Nabu is now several feet from him.


    SIGMA
    Why does it concern you?


    NABU
    I don't know...but something tells me I shouldn't give you this without hearing a good reason.


    NABU(cont'd)
    But now, for the obvious questions; Who are you? How do you know me?


    Panel 3 Sigma unfolded his arms and brought a claw to his chin.


    SIGMA
    Well, I hath not gotten to know ye personally. But our ancestors share a long...rather troubled history.


    Panel 4 The camera is now behind Sigma. Nabu is holding the book in one arm.


    NABU
    So you don't know me, but you know where I come from..that doesn't tell me anything!


    SIGMA
    Well then, take this into consideration..


    Panel 5 Sigma let out an ear piercing screech. So loud, Nabu dropped the book in order to cover her ears.


    SFX: SKRRREEEEEEEEEEE

    Page 15
    Panel 1 Visible sound waves spread throughout the area, alerting all the pitch black hell hounds in the area.


    Panel 2 Most in deserted buildings howled back while others took off in pursuit.


    Panel 3 The snarling beasts surrounded the building from below as well on top where Nabu and Sigma were standing. Nabu was frantically looking around to make sure they weren't about to pounce.

    Page 16



    Panel 1 Sigma stood as if the dogs weren't there and pointed to the book at the center.


    SIGMA
    I seek no effort to thou to be destroyed this day, only the novel.


    SIGMA(cont'd)
    Leave it be and continue on thy merry way, and all would be forgiven.


    Panel 2 Without receiving a command, three hounds that stood in front of Sigma jumped at the book.

    Panel 3 Nabu acted instantly by blasting them back with a blue wave of energy.


    Panel 4 She grabbed the book and started to float in the air.


    NABU
    I don't know what's going on...but I figured out one thing; And its that taking orders from you ticks me off!!


    SIGMA
    Insolence!!


    Panel 5 Several hell hounds lept bounds in order to reach Nabu, but she had already took off like a rocket, leaving a blue trail.


    SIGMA
    Give me that book!!!

    Page 17


    (Three vertical panels)


    Panel 1 Panel shows a desert filled with bones of large creatures.


    Panel 2 The book lands inside the eye hole of one of the bigger skulls.


    Panel 3 And Nabu falls like an anvil on top of it, landing face first and eyes spiraling. The skull cracks.

    Page 18



    Panel 1 Nabu lands on her back in front of the skull. Eyes still spiraling and yellow birds flying around her face.


    NABU
    Flying fast is a hard chore......where'd these things come from....


    Panel 2 Nabu sat up, shaking her head out of her trance, making the birds disappear and walked into the mouth of the skull.


    NABU
    Alright, that's enough of that.


    NABU(CONT'D)
    Now where's the-


    Panel 3 The camera switches to inside the skull where the book was sitting on a pile of sand. Nabu smiled brightly as she stepped over sharp canines.


    NABU
    Found you!!


    Panel 4 Nabu sat down criss cross as she piked the book up and set it in her lap.


    NABU(thought)
    What would that guy want with this thing?


    Panel 5 Camera pans closer to the book as she begins to open it


    NABU
    It's so dingy and-


    Panel 6 Nabu had to shield her eyes from a blinding light that came from the book.


    NABU
    Glowing!?

    Page 19



    Panel 1 Nabu both moved her arm and opened her eyes ever so slightly as the light started to die down.


    Panel 2 When the light finally extinguished she looked down at the book with a confused expression.


    NABU
    What....


    Panel 3 Camera switches to over Nabu's shoulder as she looks down to the moving pictures on the page.


    NABU
    ..Is this?

    Page 20


    (Five horizontal panels)


    Panel 1 There were little kids happily playing with their kites at a cliff side.


    Panel 2 A mother was pushing her toddler on a swing set. Both of them were laughing.


    Panel 3 There was some sort of festival and everyone was cheering.


    Panel 4 The camera turns to Nabu's face. She sniffled a little as a tear falls down her face.


    Panel 5 She realizes this and wipes it off.


    NABU
    What's happening to me?

    Page 21



    Panel 1 Nabu flipped back to the front cover and tried to read what the letters said.


    NABU
    C-Crono..s. Cronos..p-past...


    NABU
    What does that mean?


    Panel 2 Nabu tossed the book to the side and covered her face with her hands in sudden stress.


    NABU(angry)
    Grrrrrr! None of this is making sense! I'm not getting any answers!


    Panel 3 She ran her hands through her hair with a sigh.


    NABU
    Ive gotta make sense of this. Okay, lets recap; I have powers, there are these weird creatures out for anything that moves and that big guy seems to be their boss. There's this moving picture book that tells about this place called Cronos...and...wait....


    Panel 4 Same shot. Nabu turns around to the book.


    NABU
    Past? As in...before? Before all of this?


    Panel 5 Same shot. Nabu sits on her knees and picks it up.


    NABU
    Maybe...if I can figure out a way to go back...


    Panel 6 Same shot. Nabu closes her eyes and concentrates as her body glows blue.


    Panel 7 Same shot. The book itself starts to glow blue.

    Page 22


    (panels 1-5)


    Panel 1 In a flash of brilliant blue light, Nabu disappeared.


    Panel 2 Camera pans out of the skull as it starts to slowly fade away.


    Panel 3 Same shot. The sky starts to fade.


    Panel 4 Same shot. The ground starts to fade.


    Panel 5 An empty panel. Nothing but white.


    CAPTION Is this what you wanted?


    CAPTION To change the future?

    Page 23



    Panel 1 Nabu appears in the same position that she was in, only now she's in the sky.


    CAPTION (SIGMA) Thou art mistaken.


    Panel 2 Nabu opens her eyes and looks down to see nothing but clouds.


    Panel 3 Nabu falls of panel, screaming. While the book hangs in the air for a few seconds.


    SFX: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


    Panel 4 Same shot. The book falls.


    Panel 5 During free fall, Nabu manages to snag the book out of the air and started to shake it.


    NABU(ANGRY)
    Stupid thing!! Why would you do that!?!


    Panel 6 Nabu then smiled as she suddenly remembered something.


    NABU
    Wait a minuet! I can fly!

    Page 24



    Panel 1 After a moment, Nabu's body started to glow blue.


    NABU
    Alright!


    Panel 2 However, her cherry smile went back to a frown. For she wasn't flying. She was still falling. Only this time she descended even faster.


    NABU
    W-What the heck's going on!?! Why am I still falling!!?!


    Panel 3 On a small island floating in the sky, a young girl was holding her mothers hand, frantically pointing to what looked like a shooting star.


    Girl
    Mommy! Mommy, look! A shooting star!!


    Panel 4 The mother used her hand to shield her vision from the sun to get a better look at what her daughter was pointing at.


    Mother
    In the middle of the day?


    Panel 5 Panel shows a large scale building that took up nearly two thirds of a floating island.

    Page 25



    Panel 1 A man wearing a red uniform with a hawk shaped insignia on the back was staring at the shooting star from a window.


    Panel 2 The man touches a device on his ear and someone answered back.


    Man on phone
    Yes, General Fox. What is it?


    General fox
    Call for the squadron. I believe we have something.


    MAN ON PHONE
    Yes sir!


    Panel 3 Back in the sky, Nabu was trying to flap her arms to see if that would help her in any way. But she showed no sign of slowing down.


    NABU
    Alright! Ya know what!? I OFFICIALLY hate flying!!!

    Page 26


    Earlier Today



    Panel 1 Panel shows a small park in the middle of the floating city. Children were playing with each other while their parents watched on the benches. In the middle of the park, two kids were sparing.


    Child 1
    HA! Hiya! Waaa!!


    Child 2
    Sha! Oww! Hahaha!



    SFX: clap clap clap


    Panel 2 The kids look above them to see a pink-skinned boy ,not much older than they are, sitting upside down on a cloud with a large grin.


    Cammy
    Whoo! Ain't you two havin' the time of ya lives.

    Page 27



    Panel 1 CAMMY floats down to them. He is wearing white poofy pants, golden bracers on his wrists and a white cloth covering his eyes. His hair was long and puffy like a cloud and his ears were pointed out.


    CAMMY
    Feelin' good today, huh?


    CHILD 1
    Hey! Get out of here, ya Daan! Can't ya see we're adventurers in training!


    CHILD 2
    Yeah!


    Panel 2 Panel shows Cammy teleporting behind the kids. He stood a few inches taller as he casually wrapped his hands around the young Goongan and Uvane's shoulders.


    CAMMY
    C'moooooon, peeps. There's no reason to be hostile.


    Panel 3 Camera switches to behind the three as the Goongan's and Uvan's hair suddenly sparkled, extended and fused with each other. Cammy patted their backs.


    CAMMY
    I'm just looking out for my fellow adventurers.


    Panel 4 Cammy ducked under the connected hair and walked off.


    CAMMY
    And for the love of All, don't hurt ya'selves too much, kay?


    Panel 5 Camera shows Cammy casually walking uphill on a path of a meadow as the children start screaming in pain as the parents rushed over to help.


    Panel 6 Panel shows Cammy making a turn into a two story bar.

    Page 28



    Panel 1 A carriage drawn by two large bipedal cat like creatures. A humanoid bird man with black feathers and a long, toucan-like orange beak was sitting out on the drivers seat. He was wearing black denim jeans and a white string tied on each forearm.


    Panel 2 Close up on the bird driver.


    Batson
    *sigh*


    Panel 3 Suddenly the wood behind BASTON burst apart, causing Baston to go wide eyed and jump in surprise.


    SFX: SK-ISHHH


    SFX: AHHHHHHHH


    Panel 4 Baston turned around in rage, his eyes pure white as he screamed at the passengers.


    BATSON
    What's with all the racket!!? I surely don't get paid enough if i'm going to hire another one of my Ssri brothers-AND I CAN'T EVEN CONCENTRATE ON THE ROAD!!


    SSRI 1
    It's not my fault! She's the one who's being aggressive!!


    BATSON
    Well she is the one who's father who's going to pay us for taking her daughter to the Frill mountains. So apologize for whatever you did!


    Panel 5 The timid, pink feathered Ssri held his hands up as a hand closer to the camera extended its claws.


    SSRI 1
    N-Now miss Caishmere, I-I-I know that that outfit of yours was very expensive. I-It's just been a bumpy ride. Surly you can understand. Maple juice comes right out.


    Panel 6 Panel shows CAISHMERE standing with cat like features ranging from cat ears and a long tail. Her hair was pitch black and curly, her eyes were yelloe and her skin was dark brown. She wore a pink frilled one piece bikini-looking clothes with a band of fabric going down the back with a pink paw print on it. She was snarling.


    Caishmere
    You think...a simple apology...is going to make up..FOR 1,000 ONCES OF SHINEY!!!


    Panel 7 She pounced and the Ssri screamed in terror.


    CAISHMERE
    I'll Kill You!!!


    SSRI 1
    AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!


    Panel 8 Panel shows the carriage pulling up to a bar.


    BATSON
    (I hate day jobs...)

    Page 29


    Present Time


    Panel 1 Cammy was sitting at the other end of the table with a mime woman. Wearing a pitch black top with three white buttons going down the chest, white gloves and red short-shorts with suspenders. Her hair was black and covered by a black artist cap. Her skin was white as snow and her eyes were pitch black. What separated her from most of the other mimes, was the fact that she was talking. A lot.


    Mime 1
    So, like, I join with these other members right? And we're about to go into the dungeon and I thought, like; Hey, maybe, if we get to know each other, we could, like, run it a lot smoother.


    CAMMY
    Uh huh...


    Phi
    Right? So like, I introduce myself; Like, Hi, My name is Phi and I'll be on support. And they were like; "*gasp* What the All, you can talk?" And I was like, "Uh, yeah I can talk." They were, like, so surprised. I mean, like, if I couldn't talk, how could people know my name?


    CAMMY
    Uh huh...


    Panel 2 Batson and Caishmere were sitting at the counter. Batson was ruffling the feathers on his head in stress while Caishmere was arguing with the bartender.


    BATSON
    I don't believe it! I just can't bare to believe it!! HOW could that loser just up and leave with the carriage!? How am I gonna get paid now!?


    CAISHMERE
    You must be joking! How could you not have the pink cow milk! It's a common drink all over the Land of All! I don't believe you!


    Panel 3 Panel shows the door bursting open and several knights were standing outside the bar.


    Panel 4 A total of ten walked in and one started talking into a megaphone.


    Knight 1
    Attention all occupants of this establishment. Under direct orders of the general, this place has been put under search and seizer. Everyone needs to leave and line up outside. And before anyone says it, no. We in fact don't need a warrant to do this.


    Panel 5 Panel shows everyone pooling out into the tall grass outside.


    Panel 6 Batson, Caishmere, Cammy and Phi were the only ones that stayed too into their own situations to notice the knights or the people leaving. Caishmere jumped over the counter and made her way into the back.


    CAISHMERE
    You know what, forget this! I'll find it myself!

    Page 30



    Panel 1 The knights stand and talk to each other.


    Knight 2
    When should the meteorite land? Did the general say?


    Knight 3
    It should be here any second now.


    Panel 2 The knight that was holding the mega phone noticed the four oblivious citizens still inside the bar.


    KNIGHT 1
    Hey! I told everyone to leave the premises, NOW!


    Panel 3 Caishmere came from the kitchen, a wide smile on her face and a wooded jug of pink cow milk in each paw. The other three took notice to this, but not the knights.


    CAISHMERE
    Hahaha! Yes! Telling me you ran out of it. Lies! Hahaha!


    BATSON
    Well, aren't you having a good time.


    PHI
    Oh! I hear that stuffs good for your skin. Let me get some.


    CAMMY
    Hey! I'm clearly the youngest. I need it for my growing body.


    Panel 4 Panel shows the knights looking dumbfounded, with Phi and Cammy walking up to the counter.


    PHI
    Youngest my ass. I bet you're like two-

    Page 31



    Panel 1 Full page panel of a blue ball of energy crashing down in front of Phi and Cammy, while Baston and Caishmere braced themselves.


    SFX: SHWAA-BOOOOOM


    Page 32



    Panel 1 The smoke cleared as Cammy moved his arms away from his face.


    Panel 2 Panel shows from Cammy's point of view. Nothing is seen except the figure in the hole and a large amount of blue and red mixed energy oozing from it.


    Panel 3 Panel shows Batson moving his arms from his face and Caishmere sighing in relief.


    BATSON
    What the heck was that?!


    CAISHMERE
    (Phew, didn't spill my milk.)


    Panel 4 Camera zooms in on Nabu's face as she groggily starts to open her eyes.


    Panel 5 Panel shows from a blurred perspective from Nabu as the four stood over her.


    BATSON
    Did this toots just fall from the sky.


    PHI
    She has antlers! Are those, like, in right now?


    CAISHMERE
    *gulp* *gulp* *gulp*


    CAMMY
    Guy's! She waking up!


    Panel 6 Camera pulls back to show the knights pulling out their shields and weapons out.


    Knight 4
    Sir, did one of them say antlers?


    KNIGHT 1
    They did. Which means that the general was right to call us.

    Page 33



    Panel 1 Panel showed the four standing around the whole Nabu slowly climbed out of, one hand on her head.


    NABU
    Ohhhhhh...everything's spinning...


    PHI
    Hey, you okay? You fell from the ceiling-*gasp* wow, her outfit's cute too.


    KNIGHT 1(off-panel)
    Caricare!!

    Panel shows the group turning to the knights. The leader holding his sword out to them.


    KNIGHT 1
    How in the Land of All did you escape the Gesh Canyons!


    Panel 2 Panel showed the group being somewhat confused. Besides Caishmere, who was busy chugging down her second pink cow milk jug.


    CAMMY
    Gesh Canyons...?


    BATSON
    Escape?


    PHI
    I'm not the only ones who's confused now, right?


    Panel 3 Panel shows another knight inching his way towards the leader.


    KNIGHT 3
    Um, sir? Was it a good Idea to tell them about the canyons?


    KNIGHT 1
    Heh. Like we need to worry about that.


    Panel 4 The leader steps closer to the group. However, Caishmere disappeared.


    KNIGHT 1
    Now hand over that fugitive and no charges will be pressed on any of y-


    Panel 5 Caishmere's tail came down and knocked the sword out of the leaders hands.


    SFX: SMACK


    Panel 6 Panel shows Caricare grabbing the leaders armored shoulders.


    Panel 7 Caishmere double kicked the leader so strong it sent him flying feet outside the building.


    KNIGHT 1
    Gahh!!

    Page 34



    Panel 1 Caishmere landed by the group and started to stand wobbly as she pointed to the knights. Batson picked up the jug to examine it.


    CAISHMERE
    I don't *hic* like your tone. How *hic* dare you talk *hic* to a lady like that!


    CAMMY
    Is she wasted?


    BATSON
    Huh? Looks like unprocessed pink cow milk is alcoholic.


    BATSON(cont'd)
    (No wonder she was so antsy)


    Panel 2 The leader groans as he puts a hand up to the now busted door for leverage.


    KNIGHT 2
    Sir! Are you okay!


    Panel 3 Panel closes up on the leaders face. He is seething with rage.


    KNIGHT 1
    Forget about me! Kill them and take the fugitive!!!


    Panel 4 The other knights then charged at the group.


    Panel 5 Before any of them could react, especially Batson because Caishmere would have fell face first if he didn't catch her, something charged right past them in a blur of speed.

    Page 35



    Panel 1 A moment later, the entire front of the building burst apart as the knights were tossed several feet in the air.


    SFX: BOOOOSH

    Panel 2 The rest of the group stood in awe as they saw Nabu skid to a stop from her charge, antlers glowing blue.


    Panel 3 She stood up and cracked her neck with a sigh.


    NABU
    Phew, after a fall like that, I was sure I was dead. Guess I'm a bit more sturdy that I thought. Good to know.


    CAMMY
    Ummm...excuse me?


    Panel 4 Nabu turned around to see Cammy tugging at her jacket.


    NABU
    Huh?


    Panel 5 She got on her knees so she could be eye level with him and put her hands on his cheeks.


    NABU
    Hi there little guy! Aren't you a sight for sore eyes compared to what I've been through, and I don't even know what you are. What's your name?


    CAMMY
    Shouldn't I be asking you that?


    Panel 6 Phi came into the shot.


    PHI
    Um, I don't know if you've noticed, but, like, there are a bunch of guys you just knocked down that want to take you somewhere and kill us.


    NABU
    Kill you? Well that doesn't sound fun.


    Panel 7 Caishmere pressed her face onto Nabu's, while wrapping her arms and legs around her.


    CAISHMERE
    You came out of the sky like *hic* a shooting star. I wish *hic* for more milk.

    Page 36



    Panel 1 Caishmere collapsed again and Batson came into the shot. And Nabu suddenly remembered why she was there in the first place.


    BATSON
    Allow me to address the elephant in the room by asking why the heck did you fall from the sky!?


    NABU
    What's an ele-Oh crap! Right!


    Panel 2 Nabu jumped to her feet and dusted herself of.


    Panel 3 She reached into her jacket.


    Panel 4 And pulled out the dusty book.


    Panel 5 She opened it and started flipping pages.


    NABU
    Alright! Long-story short; My name is Nabu, I come from a devastated future and...

    Page 37



    Panel 1 She shut the book, held it in one hand, put her free hand on her hip and announced...


    NABU
    And I'm here to save this world from destruction!!!


    Phi, Batson, Cammy
    You're gonna what?


    CAISHMERE
    *hic*








  2. #2
    Hey there HalfRail!

    This is an interesting piece. I thought it was rather quaint in a good way. It was interesting enough for me to read through without stopping for breaks. The book is definitely a point of attraction and leaves room for the reader to wonder. I also like how you have advanced the plot through action without revealing too many of the mysteries that the piece involves.

    What are you planning to do with the comic? Is someone illustrating it for you or are you planning on doing it yourself?

    A commendable first piece on here!

    Cheers!

  3. #3
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Location
    Valdosta, Georgia
    Posts
    38
    First off, I appreciate the review. Secondly, I have no artistic ability so no one's drawing this for me. Though I plan on doing it myself in the future.

    Thirdly I plan on making a complete series of this comic. I'm currently halfway done with the second script.

    Thanks again!

  4. #4
    Nicely descriptive. Must have taken a long time piecing all of this together. Well done. Cheers Ash

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