Flying lessons


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Thread: Flying lessons

  1. #1

    Flying lessons

    I have been giving snails flying lessons, I was beginning to despair, none of them seemed to get it. I give them a good launch, aim for the trees at the bottom of the garden to give them the stimulus to gain height and get over them; and they crash every time.

    Hope was fading, then I read that those wicked people who chuck snails into next door’s garden, thinking they will cause depredation and leave the flower show wide open, are on a loser. Apparently snails come back when you do that, up to fifty meters, further than I can throw. Of course I want them to come back, it gives me hope, if they are returning, possibly time after time, they must appreciate my effort, or at least briefly enjoy the sensation, why else would they return? It must be a long hard journey for a snail at ground level, there is stuff for snails to eat everywhere, and the coppice they land in must be an idyllic, peaceful spot compared to my tilled garden and mowed lawn, if one is a snail.

    No, I am convinced these snails have a lust for learning, returning time after time, climbing the fence, stuck on snail speed. To give in and give up on them in the face of such dogged persistence would be a demonstration of the mammalian arrogance of sentience on my part. Besides, they are obviously built for flying, why else would nature have given them a whole body crash helmet, there is no other way they could go fast enough to need it. I shall not fail my snails, as long as they keep returning I shall provide them with fresh opportunities; I might even invest in a catapult on their behalf.
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  2. #2
    Why not craft a nice wicker basket and attach a helium balloon. Wow, what an adventure.




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  3. #3
    Haha! You're something else, Olly. Keep it up!
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  4. #4
    You couldn't make it up...I enjoyed the story so much...l'escargot
    The only one who can heal you is you.




  5. #5
    WF Veteran Bloggsworth's Avatar
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    I believe the French find a use for them...
    A man in possession of a wooden spoon must be in want of a pot to stir.

  6. #6
    I went out to retrieve the newspaper, one Sunday morning. I found a snail on my front doorstep, so I picked him up and tossed him into the grass.

    About ten days later, I received a knock at the door. I opened it and looked down to find that same snail. He snarled, "WTF was that all about?!"

  7. #7
    I feel a kids' story coming on: "Shelley the Snail goes Flying".

  8. #8
    Not a snail but I don't think the cat liked its trip.



    We get snails too. We came home one night to a very strange sight--two snails hanging from a rake handle and twisting about one another. It turned out to be snail mating. We left them alone and gave them some privacy. I don't know if they appreciated it.

  9. #9
    The best internet cat picture I have seen so far.
    Visit my website to read and connect to my 'soundcloud', where you can listen to stories songs and more
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  10. #10
    If you hear 'em start playing Barry White and see them having post-coital cigarettes, you may have a real problem on your hands.

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