Bed Time Stories


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Thread: Bed Time Stories

  1. #1

    Bed Time Stories

    Tell me a lovely fairy tale
    about a world without pain
    where your touch is kind and gentle
    and where I feel no shame

    Tell me a lovely fairy tale
    about a place where no one lies
    where there is total honesty
    and truth is reflected in your eyes

    Tell me a lovely fairy tale
    about a place where love is true
    where hearts are never broken
    and mine is safe with you

    Tell me a lovely fairy tale
    fill me with bewitching lies
    make me believe you are good and kind
    and not a monster in disguise....
    Last edited by Firemajic; August 13th, 2015 at 02:34 AM.
    She lost herself in the trees,
    among the ever-changing leaves.
    She wept beneath the wild sky
    as stars told stories of ancient times.
    The flowers grew toward her light,
    the river called her name at night.
    She could not live an ordinary life,
    with the mysteries of the universe
    hidden in her eyes....
    Author: Christy Ann Martine

    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    love leaves a memory no one can steal....
    Author unknown.

  2. #2
    This hits such a specific note, sweet and soothing with a hint of danger. The end gave me chills.

  3. #3
    This is a gorgeous contrast of what should/ could be and an all too often bitter truth. Fairy tales are among the first stories we hear as children, and in our innocence we long to believe in them. The world intrudes, people cross the paths of these dreamers and shatter the glass castles. Some of the fragments cut deep, down to the very seat of the soul. Scars form, but that inherent trust is lost forever. It leads to chronic questions and cynicism. Two crimes I'm guilty of myself...

    I like that you've repeated the first line through the course of the poem, in most cases it doesn't work, but here it was well executed. Also enjoyed the repeat and subtle changes on the rhyme pattern in the second and fourth stanzas. The scheme here is delicate, but very well wrought, much like the glass castles of yesteryear.


  4. #4
    Oh Firemajic you shouldn't have. But you did!
    What a wonderful piece you've created here. The form is taunt with ample rhyme. But it's the tone that grabs me by the shirt collar: magical with a tinge of sadness.
    You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them. -Maya Angelou

  5. #5
    Member Anari's Avatar
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    This is lovely. Between you and musichal I am grateful that I always have something wonderful to read.
    I said it, I did it, I own it! Please get it right when you repeat it.

  6. #6
    WF Veteran Lewdog's Avatar
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    I really like the poem and how you set up each stanza with the repeated opening line. One thing that stood out to me is the word "beguiling." ​I think the sound of the word throws off the poem.

  7. #7
    I did enjoy this - sweet with a twist of sinister.
    It's funny how I picked up on "beguiling" too. I don't think that "beguiling" is the problem though as it goes well with "lies"; I think the issue in that line is that "your" can be dropped to allow the line to flow more readily by dropping a syllable. This would have a knock-on advantage of allowing the "you are" in the penultimate line to be contracted to "you're", if desired.
    I was also thinking that some syllables might be lost in the last two lines of the second stanza, something like:
    "... where there is total honesty,
    (the) truth reflected in your eyes ..."

    This poem resonated deeply with me due to my unusual upbringing. I also like it because you left the wording sufficiently open for varying interpretations.

  8. #8
    often you draw me in then at the end the whole poem needs another thought as to it's topic,meaning.....one is often suprized
    The only one who can heal you is you.




  9. #9
    The repetition of -tell me- worked for me.

    Nice one.
    Looking for beta readers for a 22k word novella set in medieval/fantasy.

    The rags to riches story of a scavenger.

    Please PM me if you would give any amount a whirl!

  10. #10
    Foxee.. I love that you caught the soothing sounds, and the chill at the end... things are never what they seem, are they?? Thank you!

    DarKKin, your comments are lovely, and your insight right on... Fabulous.. Thank you..

    Inkwellness... lol.... I know I shouldn't have, but I couldn't help myself.. Thank you..

    Anari... Thank you for your lovely comment...

    Heyyy Lewdog... I agree with you.. I will search for a better word... Thank you... I appreciate..

    Phil, I will make the change you suggested.. Thank you for your comments..

    Escorial... always a twist.. how else am I going to keep you on your toes... Thank you..

    Mesafalcon.... Thank you for reading and commenting...
    Last edited by Firemajic; August 12th, 2015 at 06:59 PM.
    She lost herself in the trees,
    among the ever-changing leaves.
    She wept beneath the wild sky
    as stars told stories of ancient times.
    The flowers grew toward her light,
    the river called her name at night.
    She could not live an ordinary life,
    with the mysteries of the universe
    hidden in her eyes....
    Author: Christy Ann Martine

    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    love leaves a memory no one can steal....
    Author unknown.

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