First Kiss - Exercise, very short - Page 4


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Thread: First Kiss - Exercise, very short

  1. #31
    Haha is it getting hot in here, or is it just me?

    I don't have a lot to say that hasn't all ready been said about the actual piece. I just wanna say in response to you getting discouraged that you're never going to improve if you don't accept the fact that you need improving. Ya know, when I was growing up I heard a lot of my teachers tell me what a great writer I was. Needless to say, it gave me a big head. So much in fact that when I grew a little older I thought that I had some kind of innate gift that would allow me to write masterpieces with little to no practice.

    The thing is, no one's like that. No one is good without practice and critiquing. After a lot of reading you'll even be able to critique your OWN stuff. The only thing you need to be a good writer is the ability to learn and grow. If you have those two things, you're all ready on your way.

    The thing I would hate most is for someone to just skim my work, pat me on the back, and say "good job!" Because I know that wouldn't help me get better. When I do finally post something on here I hope someone can point stuff out to me that I didn't know before. That's the attitude you need to have.

  2. #32
    Quote Originally Posted by Pursuit View Post
    ^^ The ending is kind of simple though, were he bent his head and kissed her.
    I agree with Pursuit. This piece is discriptive throughout, but te ending is quick and easy. Other than that, I really liked reading this.

  3. #33
    I really enjoyed your contribution. I love to write in that detailed passionate style. I am looking forward to reading more.

    Thank you...Matthew

  4. #34
    Member Reichelina's Avatar
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    That was awesome!
    I'm 24 and haven't had my first kiss yet. (Yeah.... Sorry)
    I kinda felt the whole scene as of it was my first kiss, you know. You do use amazing words!

  5. #35
    I loved it, very well written. I was drawn in and wanting to see more, and found I was mildly disappointed when it ended. I did not find the dual POV to be distracting, and thought it worked well in the scene. I got the impression that this was a kiss of exploration of feelings and not a kiss of "lets go find a bedroom". So I thought the voice and pacing worked well to establish that feeling I had.

  6. #36
    Wow, this is very well written. Very emotional and passionate.
    Get paid to write Hidden Content
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  7. #37
    Member LOLeah's Avatar
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    Thank you all so much for the feedback and encouragement. I feel like most of you liked it and I also feel like I have grown and learned so much in the short time since I wrote this. I plan on posting another tidbit from my work in progress soon. Thank you all again.
    "We all die. The goal is not to live forever, the goal is to create something that will." ~Chuck Palahniuk

  8. #38
    It's well written, I liked it, partly cause it reminds me of Dimitri and Rose in Vampire Academy series. Though that might be problem too.

  9. #39
    Quote Originally Posted by LOLeah View Post
    I've been doing some romance writing exercises, as I plan to incorporate some romantic and sexual themes into my historical fiction/fantasy novel. This type of writing is where I am most unsure of myself, as it is not my main focus, so I could really use some feedback. This is just an exercise I did, for clarification purposes this is the first physically romantic encounter between the characters and happens during a staged fight, my male character is teaching my female character to defend herself with no weapons. I realize the dual POV is unusual but I don't know, I think it could work? Any insight on that or any other critique would be really helpful.
    I am looking forward to sharing my romance writing exercises in the near future with this community. I am currently preparing an online course called, "Caressing the Pen; Sensual Writing for Lovers." I will admit that most of my writing is experienced based to ensure that the genuine feeling of romance is conveyed effectively. These exercises are used throughout the production of my YA romance novel. Although romance is not a main focus, try to make it a date. Get comfortable with yourself and your thoughts. Most of the time, comfort is expressed through context. Sensual writing should never be forced, but felt.

    Edit:

    I was busy earlier to leave a review, so I am returning. Here's how I felt about it. I am an advocate for short women. I've dated someone 4'11. I've always been passionate to mount people against the wall like plasma television screens (with or without intent to seduce). The pin scene spoke to me because of my desire to control the intimate situation and maintain dominance. I appreciate the motive to balance the act of being gentle and assertive. If done correctly, they will melt from seeing how much you crave their presence. Ah, the pressure. The best part about applying pressure to the neck is not only the arousal building up, but the trust shared between each other. A great neck kiss would be one to feel the teeth penetrate just enough without leaving a mark. As her arousal intensifies, you can sense his pride blowing through his nostrils. The sensual journey explores his curiosity and prolongs the passion, eventually breaking from the resistance to kiss her. Beautifully written. Honestly, keep writing! There's a lot of potential here.
    Last edited by PrinzeCharming; January 7th, 2016 at 03:40 PM. Reason: Review Added

  10. #40
    No critiques. You probably have enough here to last you anyway. Lol.

    As a long time fan of romance novels I loved this! Pure and simple. I haven't read any to the bone romance novels in quite some time (don't ask me why) and moved on to books (fantasy) that merely had romance in them. But after reading this tid bit I just might have to pick one up again as this made me long for one. I can't wait until yours comes out because I will be picking that up as well. 👍👍

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