J. J. Maxx's Daily Dose of Dialogue! - Page 3

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Thread: J. J. Maxx's Daily Dose of Dialogue!

  1. #21
    This could so easily be an excerpt from my novel, but it isn't because things happened a little differently there.
    Well, you did say to use our own characters and Lucine and Graham are out of work until I start writing again.

    Lucine went to put the key into the door to her flat but as soon as she touched it the door pushed open. 'Surely I didn't leave it ajar,' she thought. Cautiously she walked in and was startled by a young man who jumped up from the couch where he'd been sitting.

    'Hello Lucine,' he said, 'Do you remember me?'

    'No I do not,' she replied, 'I don't know how you got in here but you'd better leave right away.' It occurred to her that she'd backed into the doorway as she spoke and that he'd have to approach her and squeeze past to comply, something that didn't appeal to her, but he seemed as put out as she did by the situation.

    'Oh no, I'm so sorry. I really didn't want this to happen,' he blurted, 'I should have phoned you but I just came round and then the door was ajar and I peered in and all those memories came back. But if you don't remember then this must be terrible for you. Oh God, this is a mess.'

    Lucine was perplexed. This man was deluded apparently or playing some appalling joke, but she was having trouble regarding him as a threat, which itself didn't make sense. 'You don't really know me, do you?' she said. 'Why are you here?'

    The young man sighed. 'You're Lucine Jones, age twenty, who, if I have my dates right, recently split up with your boyfriend James. Did you throw away that uncomfortable nightdress that he bought you, the black one? I actually liked it on you but I could understand if it wasn't comfortable or if it reminded you of him. Your mother named you Lucine because you were conceived during an eclipse of the moon on the other side of the world and she said that you were meant to be a moonbeam but the earth got in the way, so you became her sunbeam instead. Do we need to discuss who your father was? I'm sorry, that was cruel, but maybe also convincing.'

    Lucine was shocked. Even James hadn't known about that. For a moment she'd thought that he'd put this man up to this to spite her, but this was more than that. She sidled further into the room, her own room. 'How do you know all that?' she asked.

    'You told me. In fact I think you told me about the eclipse of the moon when we were in the shower, but if you don't remember perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned that. Look, I'm sorry for all this. I'll give you my phone number and if you do remember anything then please, please, please call me. If you do you'll realise how important it is to both of us. I ought to go now.' He made a move for the door, then turned back. 'I wrote my number on this piece of paper just in case. I was going to leave a note but I just had to see you again. The first time that we met I kissed you without even asking and we were complete strangers then. Now even though I know you so well I wouldn't do that. I suppose that's because this is reality.'

    Now she was entirely confused. 'You mean that we didn't really meet at all, that you've been misleading me,' she said, feeling the anger rising in her mind.

    'No, we met in your dream, but I don't want to go through all that again. You were pretty drunk by the time I finished explaining it last time. Look, maybe this is all that's necessary to resolve this. Just take my hand in yours. Perhaps a kiss isn't necessary.' He held out a hand, a strong hand that could grab her in a moment, but something drew her to him. Perhaps it was just curiosity about what he knew about her.

    'A kiss certainly isn't on the agenda. The door is wide open and I'll scream if you try anything,but ...' she said, reaching out to touch his hand. As she did so he made no move but let her wrap her fingers around his. She felt silly doing it for no obvious reason but then the reason made itself known, a tingling sensation that spread rapidly up her arm and into her mind like a wave of effervescent soda. In a moment the memories came flooding back, riding on that wave. 'Oh Christ Graham, how could I have forgotten,' she gasped.

    'Very easily,' he said taking her in his arms and hugging her. 'Come on then, prove that you remember. Kiss me the way we did before.'

    She kissed him and time stood still, or so it seemed, while they caught up on that other time spent together in another dimension of reality, in a time beyond time somewhere in eventuality.
    'Sharing an experience creates a reality.' Create a new reality today.
    'There has to be some give and take.' If I can take my time I'm willing to give it.
    'The most difficult criticism that a writer has to comprehend is silence.' So speak up.

  2. #22

    The Facilitator (language)

    I felt a sense of foreboding as I opened the door to my flat. Being a professional facilitator may have a lot to do with my feelings of impending doom but it’s the price you pay for being in the business that I’m in. I just finished a job and I was beat. I just wanted to take a shower, feed my dog, and go to bed. As I headed toward the kitchen I felt the cold steel of a gun pressed against my back.

    “How does it feel knowing that’s it’s not your hand on the trigger-- you sick son of a bitch. Don’t move! If you turn around I’ll put a hole through your back,” said the shithead who had that gun in my back. “Who the fuck, are you, and what the hell do you want. If you’re here to kill me, then what are you waiting for, if not, then a little explanation would be in order.” I said in the most neutral of tones. “I called it off, but you killed her anyway; my kids now have no mother”, said the weeping asshole who still had a gun in my back.

    As he wept, I back kicked him in the groin, and dived out of the way of the gun. As he dropped to his knees, I picked up his gun where he dropped it, and shot him in the head. I was pissed, how, had he known where I lived. There was a leak in the organization and I needed to put a plug in it fast.

    As I went into my bathroom to wipe the blood off my face, to my horror, I saw my dog gutted like a calf. It was now my turn to weep…
    Nature weeps, the devil sings
    at mans greed and pride
    and what it brings

    Just lots of useless
    little things

  3. #23
    Prompt #5
    One of your characters defuses a bomb.
    Hidden Content Hidden Content Hidden Content

    "He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher... or, as his wife would have it, an idiot." - Douglas Adams

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by J.J. Maxx View Post
    Prompt #5
    One of your characters defuses a bomb.
    Sergeant Max Cline took a deep breath and stepped through the open door of the towering structure. The power had been off for no more than ten minutes and the evacuation was still in effect, but the lobby was desolate and seemed darker than it should have been at seven twenty A.M. He took note of the officer standing at the information desk with a phone in his hand and made his way over.

    The officer finished his conversation and put his phone away, then extended his hand. "Sergeant, I just got the message."

    "Where's the bomb located exactly," Cline said while shaking the officer's hand.

    "It's on the second floor inside the chief editor's office, located inside his filing cabinet. When the secretary came in this morning, she found the note located on her desk."

    Cline put his hands on his hips and looked over at the emergency stairwell as another member of his team, Frank Drisco, escorted three more people through the door into the lobby.

    "Are there any more civilians up there?" he asked the officer without looking.

    "There shouldn't be."

    Cline looked back at the officer and nodded, then darted over to Drisco. His subordinate saluted and said, "sir, we have ten minutes before this thing stops ticking. I need you to come with me right away!"

    Cline nodded and followed as his subordinate led him through the door and up the stairs. When they made it to the second floor lobby, they were met by two more of Cline's team, Amber Simpson and Mike Hilt.

    "Sir," Simpson said, "we successfully removed the shell of the filing cabinet and we've finished inspecting the device; it's got three main wires, two grounded wires, and a timer, and most likely contains C4. It consists of two main parts - likely to amplify the blast wave."

    "How much?" asked Cline.

    "Not quite enough to take the building down, but enough. The liquid nitrogen didn't have any effect for some reason."

    Cline closed his eyes and thought about the situation, then said, "alright, Hilt and Drisco get the hell out of here."

    The two men looked at each other, then back at their Sergeant and saluted, then left without saying a word.

    "Alright Simpson," Cline continued, "it's just me and you now. You already know that I would do this if it were my call, but I have the utmost faith in you."

    Simpson took a deep breath and nodded. She turned around and looked at the doorway to the editor's office, then made her way in. Cline took a few steps forward, but as she made her way through the threshold and over to the filing cabinet, he lost sight of her.

    "Report!" Cline yelled out

    "Clock's ticking down sir! We've got two minutes!"

    Cline backed away from the door a little more and turned off his radio, which was against protocol but helped him focus. "What color are the wires?"

    "One is red, one's blue, and one's yellow! The red one is connects from the clock to the device; the blue one connects the device to the trigger; the yellow one connects the two parts of the device! The ground wires are both green!"

    "Take it slow Simpson!"

    After a brief moment of quiet, she responded. "I'm cutting the yellow wire!"

    Ignoring everything that told him to leave the room, Cline braced himself to jump out into the hallway. Sweat dripped from his brow as his nerves began to creep up, but he refused to leave Simpson's side.

    "Yellow's down," Simpson called out, "I'm cutting the ground wire connected to the main device!"

    "Be careful Simpson!"

    In a matter of seconds a giant fireball engulfed everything in sight.
    Last edited by RhythmOvPain; April 5th, 2015 at 04:41 AM. Reason: Grammatical error I should have fixed earlier (consists of)
    My favorite word in the English language is "shenanigans." My favorite thing to do is cause them.

    Smoke weed everyday.

  5. #25
    Quote Originally Posted by J.J. Maxx View Post
    Prompt #5
    One of your characters defuses a bomb.

    We called him Joey, not Joe and certainly not Joseph. Maybe it was because he wore his hat tilted to one side, he thought it looked cool yet only it managed to make him look like the punk who never finished school; his over use of the word Dude did not help

    Joey held our lives in his hands. We were going to die!

    Like a comedy skit from a TV sitcom Joey tried to figure out which wire should be cut; It made none of feel any too secure about our future. He was brave, I’ll give him that. Hunched over the bomb while we cowered and did everything to make ourselves as small. The walls and the lock door held us captive, we would have front row seats to what happened next.

    Joey looked up, a smile on his face. He was either confident that he knew he had the right wire or convinced no matter what he did, it would be screwed up just like everything else in life that he touched.

    I bit my lip said a short prayer and realized at least he’s smiling.
    God hates a coward Revelation 21:8

    “Good writin' ain't necessarily good readin'.”

    Hidden Content ,

    To encourage and facilitate "me"

  6. #26
    Plasticweld, great job, but I couldn't help but notice the lack of dialogue!

    I want to hear Joey use the word 'Dude' at least twice!


    ~ J. J.
    Hidden Content Hidden Content Hidden Content

    "He was a dreamer, a thinker, a speculative philosopher... or, as his wife would have it, an idiot." - Douglas Adams

  7. #27
    "Oh, shit!" Benson said, sweating. He got on the phone.

    "Carl, I don't know which wires to cut."

    "Why? Always cut the red wire first..."

    "They are all the same color!"

    "Okay, calm down. The building has been evacuated. If you need to leave, leave. What does the timer say?"

    "There isn't one. The damn thing isn't even ticking. Wait. I just found an off switch."


    "Oh damn, it's clicking now!" Benson took a deep breath. The bomb let out a hissing sound and was quiet.

    Carl was one the line.

    "Benson, what's going on."

    "It's a dud, Carl. Fake bomb."

    Carl cringed as a loud explosion rocked the building.
    "Self-righteousness never straddles the political fence."


    "The bible says to love your neighbor. It's obvious that over the centuries it has been interpreted as the opposite."
    (sarcasm alert)


    Hidden Content Hidden Content

  8. #28
    Quote Originally Posted by J.J. Maxx View Post
    Plasticweld, great job, but I couldn't help but notice the lack of dialogue!

    I want to hear Joey use the word 'Dude' at least twice!

    Cheers.~ J. J.
    JJ anytime I click on any of the challenges I promise myself I will not leave until I write something. I am somehow convinced myself that I am supposed to be able to whip something up in a matter of minutes that the reader would find riveting. I intended this to cover just a few seconds of time, the main character summing up the situation in a glance. I came in on the Activity Stream saw the prompt and never looked at the title of the thread/

    I tried to let the reader use their imagination and visualize what is going on, I should have read the instructions thread title first

    Thanks for putting this together it was fun...Bob
    Last edited by Plasticweld; April 5th, 2015 at 02:33 AM.
    God hates a coward Revelation 21:8

    “Good writin' ain't necessarily good readin'.”

    Hidden Content ,

    To encourage and facilitate "me"

  9. #29
    Quote Originally Posted by J.J. Maxx View Post
    Prompt #5
    One of your characters defuses a bomb.

    “You’re drunk!”

    “Maybe just a little.”

    “Just what do you think you’re going to do with that?”

    “Gonna defuse this sucka, you’ll see!”

    “If those cadets could see you now… some role model you are!”

    “I’m the best…best there ever was…that’s why I’m the teacher and they’re the students. You just watch me, I’ll show ya.”

    “No one cares that you can defuse a fake bomb… You do remember its fake right?”

    “Humm... I uh … I guess.”

    “You’re drunk!”

    “Maybe just a little.”

    God hates a coward Revelation 21:8

    “Good writin' ain't necessarily good readin'.”

    Hidden Content ,

    To encourage and facilitate "me"

  10. #30
    It's always refreshing practice to give a chunk of life to your characters through speech. Here goes! Laughing @ Midnight and Plastic's...

    Mine is kind of similar, except in my own crazy world. I don't know if anyone remembers Edmund but he still lives in my mind. Believe it or not, the third half of the nine thousand year timeline in this world is resulting from magical BOMBS, and one of Edmund's many goals is actually to defuse them, so this prompt actually gave me some inspiration for how the dialogue might progress! What a coincidence!

    Also, yes, I change her name in the middle of it. My entire novel will be weird like that, as is Edmund.

    I think I got a bit carried away--- So I'll just link to it, haha. Might as well put it up in fiction now that it's so long.

    So there it is:http://www.writingforums.com/threads...20#post1848120
    Need advice? Or just some cheering up? PM.
    Or bug me on Skype. Any time I'm online.

    'I prefer to exist as a duality. Living alone is boring.'
    Crowley Karterson Jarvis

    ╙The Golden Crowl


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