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Thread: Adultery;

  1. #71
    I'm with Boofy on this one. I think we're putting too much weight on to sex. I'm not saying everyone should just go around and sleep with everyone else, but you should at least be able to discuss an open relationship with your partner with out any harsh judgements being made. We're human, we've evolved in a way that we want to get jiggy with every other person we look at. If my partner sleeps with someone else, but is upfront with me about it, I'm OK. I think this is an issue where we've really circumvented human nature for reasons I'm not sure of.

    Anyways, I guess what I'm saying is sex doesn't have to be an end all, be all thing. You can make it whatever you want. If an open relationship is something you and your partner decide against and you still go outside that, that's obviously not good. I don't think it's worthy of a stoning, but it's definitely not good.
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  2. #72
    I don't mean to be too sterile about all this, but it seems to me everyone is speaking from their subjective selves, as if that's the primary perspective. Of course any life form sees behavior (among other things) from their own perspective, so I'm not being condemnatory either. As in many life forms "sleep around" Even so, in our case, not doing so may be an admirable quality to our longer term benefit, reaching beyond our subjective state.

    The bigger picture, employed through such natural order drives, is the continuance of physical life overall. That is in maintaining some balance in necessary biodiversity so too few species don't bring the house of cards down. The key being varying gene selection to facilitate adaptation to inevitable changes. "Survival of the fittest" doesn't mean favoring brutishness, but rather potential adaptability.



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  3. #73
    For me, it's not about one person "straying", or even having sex with someone else. The issue is trust. Wh'd want to live with a liar and a cheat? Who'd want their kids to have that as a role model? I find out someone cheated on their partner, and even though they could be the nicest person in all other respects, I'm not going to trust them further than I can throw a bull by the horns.
    Has left the building.

  4. #74
    Someone should write a book about adultery. I believe many will not be interested to read that book, but it will be helpful to couples especially family.

  5. #75
    Member dither's Avatar
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    I totally agree 423.
    Fifty shades i would suggest as there is no black and/or white here imho.
    If i post a comment on a "WIP", LOOK! I'm a reader that's all, and i can only tell how i feel, as a READER, giving/offering feedback. Hoping to learn and grow here. So please, tell me where i'm going wrong.

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    Look! I'm trying, okay?

    One can but dream, if only i had dared.

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    Alas, i am weak.

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  6. #76
    From what I've seen from my friends and from people much closer to me, usually adultery or cheating of any kind results from someone being unhappy. Whether it's legitimate unhappiness in the current relationship because of the other person or there's deeply rooted issues in the actual person who is cheating.

    If you're committed to someone, and you feel an urge, you need to communicate with your partner. Otherwise the issue won't ever be resolved or prevented.

    If someone wants to go around like that, they might as well just break it off with the person. Of course it's never that simple is it? There is always a reason or an excuse as to why someone doesn't want to leave or still wants to spin a web of lies, until they are so tangled that it chokes everyone around them.

    It's unfortunate in many cases that a subject like this is so subjective. Even though there is a moral standard surrounding it, people choose to interpret that how they wish.

    It's sad really. As someone who personally watched their own father cheat in his marriage, I know what it can do. It's also unfortunate I knew why, and that reason was petty and shallow. That's only one particular case though.

    In the end we all take a risk with our hearts and where we put them. Getting right down to the point, if two people are in a commitment with one another, communicate and be honest. Honesty might hurt, but it makes a world of difference in the end and can save rather than destroy.
    ".... But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,
    All losses are restored and sorrows end."
    - William Shakespeare, Sonnet XXX



  7. #77
    Quote Originally Posted by denmark423 View Post
    Someone should write a book about adultery. I believe many will not be interested to read that book
    lol. is that a joke? i can't tell.
    "Man, you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allan Poe.

  8. #78
    Quote Originally Posted by am_hammy View Post
    If you're committed to someone, and you feel an urge, you need to communicate with your partner. Otherwise the issue won't ever be resolved or prevented.
    I dunno, hammy. I've been married a couple of decades now. I've felt lots of urges, few of which I've communicated to InstituteWoman. I'm quite confident she has, too. I guess I don't see them as issues to be resolved or prevented.

    Sorry about out your parents' situation. The worst is when the kids get drug into stuff like that.
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  9. #79
    Quote Originally Posted by InstituteMan View Post
    I dunno, hammy. I've been married a couple of decades now. I've felt lots of urges, few of which I've communicated to InstituteWoman. I'm quite confident she has, too. I guess I don't see them as issues to be resolved or prevented.
    Well, I meant more if the actual act was going to occur. Like you said in a previous post, you're going to have urges. It's when they start to become tangible. People who are together notice when patterns change. It's never wise to talk about every single thing in that fashion. It can only bring up awkward conflict. If you're actually starting to act on them, even in the most "harmless" of forms I think it should be spoken about.

    Sorry about out your parents' situation. The worst is when the kids get drug into stuff like that.
    Thank you. It would have been worse if I was older and it was happening. There are instances where I remember things from childhood that make sense now, but I'm glad I found out later. I also was finally able to hear both sides. My father never had a filter.

    Ultimately I've gathered what I've needed to from the situation and it's made my struggle with their divorce when I was younger much more bearable if that makes sense.
    ".... But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,
    All losses are restored and sorrows end."
    - William Shakespeare, Sonnet XXX



  10. #80
    As just another animal life form subject to the natural order, it's to be expected there are going to be side attractions along the way, some mutual. The point to me is having a partnership with shared trust, and real consideration for each other's feelings. I've had a few opportunities along the way, but each time I've thought, no way am I gonna mess up what I've got. All the more having an early marriage under my belt where I found my trust misplaced. Not to mention that these last forty years of my second marriage seem to have met both our needs. Now beyond all that, we fight like dogs and cats, enjoying every minute of it.

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