Originally Posted by dither
To me it is. The only reason I'd even hesitate would be because of my kids. Even then though, I wouldn't want my kids to have to sit there and be a part of an unhappy marriage. Because that's essentially what adultery is steaming from...and unhappy marriage.
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yes, of course... and if the other partner changes the assumed(?) agreement first, regarding presumed monogamous 'relations' by no longer wishing to participate?breaking the agreement they made to be monogamous.
These are all reasons why I wouldn't commit the act. Kids alone would stop me from even looking at another man, no matter how attractive he may be. I also come from a broken home and would never subject my kids to such unneeded mess. They deserve better, and so do I. My husband and I both made a personal vow to each other that we would work through anything...except cheating.
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Lust and fulfillment thereof are temporary. Sadness, regret, and the destruction of an otherwise functional relationship can be much longer-lasting.
Snake: Can you sssssee how odd all thisss isss??
Eve: Hey, you try to hold a conversation and be interested in the only other human being on the planet when all he wants to do is make up names for every single creature that he comes across. BORING!
Snake: I ssssee...
~*~
On topic, it's a sticky subject, to be sure. I will say this much: if my (hypothetical) wife wanted to commit adultery, I'll simply say, 'All right, I'll help you split so you can go be happier with that guy.' Yeah, it'll still sting but if being together is making the both of us miserable, then wouldn't it be better if we both split and went to find our own personal happiness?
We make the rules, we break the rules.
What is the atomic weight of love? Have we found the justice particle? Has anyone split the fairness atom? Is the funny bone x-ray yet to develop?
We are animals, some of us have worked out that a mind can overrule instincts and make us that bit more. Some of us are embracing the roots of our species. The extreme cynical end of the spectrum even use this to their advantage by manipulating others with it.
I can't watch Jeremy Kyle, it is far too painful, poor apes.
Statutes are only of value when it comes to divorce and, with no-fault divorce being pretty much the norm in the States, of little value anyway. If the case arrives where they need to resort to statutes, the partnership's in the s***hole anyway.
If one partner wants to change the agreement, it's a whole new ballgame. The whole idea is that people made a commitment, a promise, to each other (regardless of the terms of that promise) and they need to abide by that. If circumstances change, then the person wanting to change the agreement needs to own up to it, and either work out a new agreement, live with the old, or leave.
Has left the building.
So here I was going to diligently read every single comment, but then time got in the way and I didn't. It's already an over eaten, chewed and spit out topic, but in my opinion, I wouldn't ever do it in a million years. I've seen countless relationships end because some one is cheating and it hasn't even physically ended and I don't know if it ever will end.
I think it sets up bad habits. If you do it once what is to say you wont do it again? How can you build trust in a relationship built on lies? I mean, really. In my opinion, you can leave the guy, or girl, first, before going around and sleeping with everyone
"When in doubt, have a man come through a door with a gun in his hand." - Raymond Chandler
i don't agree with the "animal instinct" argument as an excuse. because if you use the animal instinct argument
as a justification for adultery, then a person's 1st animal instinct reaction to the adultery very well may be one of
bloodlust and murder. so if you're gonna justify adultery with animal instinct, then you'd also have to justify the
murder of the adulterous couple by the same token.
"Man, you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allan Poe.”
I've got mixed feelings about this issue. One, I really don't believe that sexual monogamy is biologically natural to human beings. It seems more so to be a manmade social convention imposed on the West and her colonies by legal practicality and the Judeo-Christian religious tradition. The Enlightenment further reinforced this with its concept of the "soulmate" and love as infatuation and the like. By that same token, neither is the monasticism I idealize so much biologically natural either, or a host of other things we do to ourselves. Humans don't need to be enslaved to nature. That's what separates us from the rest of the animal kingdom. With that said, while I find adultery *understandable* due to its biological undertone, I can never find it acceptable. First and foremost, in cases where children are involved, it often destroys families. And I believe children deserve a steady, loving, and healthy family. I've seen firsthand the harm that divorce does to children and it isn't good. In fact, I have very little respect for such adults who cause divorce by cheating or divorce over trivial things. The world doesn't just revolve around you any longer; you have responsibility to your children. Accept it. The second reason, and this goes whether or not children are involved, is that it emotionally abuses a person. It steals their heart so to speak. When you make a promise to someone, which seems to be what marriage and relationships mean, you should have the dignity to uphold that promise. Don't lie and tarnish it by adultery. Either bear it or completely renounce it. And if you don't like it, then you should not have put yourself there in the first place.
Personally I'm an aromantic. I have literally no emotional desire for a relationship or partner. I think it partially has to due with some of my mommy-issues and mental conditions which run in the family. But regardless, I know that due to my "carnal" weakness, I would not be able to do monogamy. Therefore, I try to avoid marriage altogether. At least this way, no one will ever end up hurt and I won't ever commit adultery. Does it sting submitting to a life of ever virginity? Of course. But you get used to it.
"Hades is not a place, no, but a state of the soul. It begins here on earth. Just so, paradise begins in the soul of a man here in the earthly life,"-St. John Maximovitch (Homily on the Sunday of Orthodoxy, 1954).
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