#001 A Bad Story in 20 Comments


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  1. #1
    WF Veteran Yumi Koizumi's Avatar
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    #001 A Bad Story in 20 Comments

    [original idea thread where described in boring detail here]

    Concept

    -This is just an experiment. It may only work in this micro format, and not in a decent sized short-story or longer. I just want to see if YOU consider it funny & interesting.
    -A short story is written in (in this thread) 20 comments.
    -Each part of the comment that is treated as the next part of the story precedes itself with "3 of 20", "4 of 20", etc. so it's easy to keep track.
    -Each story has an inept author, with (most?!) characters reacting to the situation they are put in as you'd expect.
    -The idea is to spend 1-2 minutes MAX on each comment, keeping it short & sweet, and above all FUN!
    -At this point I can't see a 'never-ending' format practical, this is why the 'Comment Cap'...

    Guidelines

    -Each 'part' starts with one or more:
    1. Action (She fell of her high heels and landed in my dreams...):
    2. Thought (She wondered for a moment...):
    3. Exposition (She’d been in Key Largo a year now, looking for ...):
    -The second portion of the comment/part deals with the dialogue between the characters as a result of the position they are in.
    -Characters can come & go, die & be created. Go nuts.
    -Your author, and not the plot or characters, is supplying all the conflict. See the example in the OP thread here for a (bad) example.
    -Whoever starts the thread gets to define the setting, and create the first dialogue. No limits on what/where this can be. From there the story has to wrap up (so to speak!) in the next X comments (in the case of this one, 20).
    -To make things easy, I will put a number in the subject to keep each story clear (i.e., #001, #002, #003, ...)
    -Feel free to introduce elements at the end of your part of the story (comment) for the next person to deal with! It's meant to be fun, not mean.
    -If you are editing drafts, you might be putting too much into it!

    Format

    I welcome comments as well, so a comment that has no story in it, but maybe suggestions, feedback, etc. does not count as a part of the story. You can, though, include BOTH a comment on the story/plot as well as your contribution to the short/micro story. Just be sure to make them clearly separate from each other so others reading won't be confused.

    The Only Rule

    -You can't do 2 comments/parts in a row.

    (if you guys like this kind of fun, I'll write it all up in one official-sounding post and then simply refer to it to save space...)

    __________________________________________________ _________________

    They had been adrift for weeks, maybe months. They might have been the only survivors. Luckily their ship was moving a cargo of thousands of lifeboats when it sank. They had made what they thought was headway by making sails out of sewing dozens of fish together, and paddling when the sails went slack. As morning approached, Sally, the First Mate, spotted a shape on the horizon that could be either a boat or a small land mass to the East.

    "How ironic that a ship full of lifeboats sinks, and all the cargo is saved", mused Paul the ship's Engineer.

    Sally told the rest in a distracted tone, "I can't find that land to the East that's supposed to be there. The sun is right in my eyes."

    Bill, a representative from the Acme Lifeboat Company that was accompanying the shipment asked, "I don't mind rowing, but what should I use for an oar? A fish?"

    Paul looked at him incredulously, "What have you been using all this time?"

    "Nothing! I thought you two were doing the paddling!"

    Sally interrupted, "Well if there is land to the East, I guess we should at least try to go in that direction."

    __________________________________________________ _________________

    next part of the story is Comment 1 of 20!
    Last edited by Yumi Koizumi; March 2nd, 2015 at 06:22 AM.
    " Religion says: 'Believe and you will understand.'
    Science comes to say to you: 'Understand and you will believe.' "

    ~
    J. De Maistre, "Soirees de St. Petersbourg."
    Check out my attempt at a blog here called Hidden Content

  2. #2
    WF Veteran Yumi Koizumi's Avatar
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    Seriously! The story is waiting for YOU to write a few lines!
    " Religion says: 'Believe and you will understand.'
    Science comes to say to you: 'Understand and you will believe.' "

    ~
    J. De Maistre, "Soirees de St. Petersbourg."
    Check out my attempt at a blog here called Hidden Content

  3. #3
    Comment 1: So naturally, they went towards the west
    It's here! Hidden Content

    ​List your top ten songs before December 15. The WF 100 will be posted December 31. Hidden Content




    And check out Gertie's blog on her favorite top twenty-five albums between 1955-2017 Hidden Content

  4. #4
    WF Veteran Yumi Koizumi's Avatar
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    @mrmustard615,

    Love your sig.. Anyone with MP quotes-or even Futurama quotes-is OK by me!

    ___________________________________
    Part 2/20

    The fish sail was fiddled with until the little dingy had the land of their salvation to their stern.

    Bill the vendor wondered aloud, "Why is it that we're starving, yet we made a sail that is taking us away from land out of fish we could have eaten?"

    Sally admonished him, "Can you honestly say that a sail made of fish bones would have worked?"

    Paul sheepishly raised his hand. Sally sharply addressed him, "Yes? What is it?"

    "I'm just an engineer, but why is it that our rescue from months at sea eating lifeboat rations is getting farther away?"

    Now Sally was really annoyed. "Who was it that turned the boat around?! Why are we heading away from land!?!"

    They both cried incredulously, "You did, ma'am!.

    "This is what happens when I leave anything to a man! Tear off a part of that sail and start paddling toward that land, dammit! Men..."

    Leaning over to Bill, Paul whispers, "Carl would've known what to do. We shouldn't have eaten Carl..."
    _________________________________

    Will they make it to land?
    Will they eat their sail?
    Who will they eat next?
    How well suited is a stinky fish for paddling?

    Stay tuned to find out!
    " Religion says: 'Believe and you will understand.'
    Science comes to say to you: 'Understand and you will believe.' "

    ~
    J. De Maistre, "Soirees de St. Petersbourg."
    Check out my attempt at a blog here called Hidden Content

  5. #5
    WF Veteran Yumi Koizumi's Avatar
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    OK... so my little experiment is a complete failure... boohoo...

    I tried!

    ---

    Maybe in decades to come, someone else will want to try out this fun little exercise...
    Last edited by Yumi Koizumi; March 16th, 2015 at 10:53 PM.
    " Religion says: 'Believe and you will understand.'
    Science comes to say to you: 'Understand and you will believe.' "

    ~
    J. De Maistre, "Soirees de St. Petersbourg."
    Check out my attempt at a blog here called Hidden Content

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