Daddy's Girl

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Thread: Daddy's Girl

  1. #1

    Daddy's Girl

    He never missed a chance
    to destroy her fragile self esteem,
    and took unholy pleasure
    crushing her childish dreams.

    Each day he would remind her
    as he burned her with his scorn,
    how her deadbeat Father left her,
    while she was yet unborn.

    Each night she prayed to God
    that he'd bring her Daddy home
    and save her from this place
    where she was all alone.

    She always imagined
    him walking through the door,
    with open arms held out to her
    as she ran across the floor.

    With strong arms he would hold her tight
    and whispered in her ear,
    how he loved and searched for her
    for all these many years.

    But her Father never came,
    and she ran away from home,
    looking for someone to love,
    somewhere she belonged.

    But at age fifteen she found herself
    hustling for something to eat,
    turning tricks at night for drugs
    and sleeping on the street.

    Found in the river:young white female,
    Daddy's girl Tshirt and levi shorts,
    Jane Doe,unclaimed and forgotten
    filed away in a police report.

    Last edited by Firemajic; September 9th, 2014 at 09:28 PM. Reason: Thanks Todd

  2. #2
    your stuff is always so intense man....i think how can you write enjoyed but there is no better way of expressing your work..enjoyed
    The only one who can heal you is you.

  3. #3
    escorial--Intense? I really am a fun person[lol] Thank you for your comments. Peace...Jul

  4. #4
    A sensitive and empathetic approach to difficult subject matter. there is a disquieting story here, both familiar and reproachful, conveyed wonderfully in a few lines. I love this type of work....don't stop.
    I find the first five days after the weekend the hardest !Hidden Content

    Hidden Content

  5. #5
    Human behavior we turn a blind eye towards, you respectively and provocatively arrest our attention with. If only words could heal our wounds. Superb.

    Hidden Content

    The simplest truths are written on the wall,
    where we see imaginary greatness in our fall.

  6. #6
    This hits too close to home for me to comment, other than to say it is well-written.
    "I don't know ... I'm making it up as I go ..." - Dr I Jones

    Nature abhors perfection - cats abhor a vacuum!

    "Faith can move mountains - she's a big girl!" (unknown/graffiti)

    If I act like I own the place, it's because I did.

  7. #7
    Ethan--What a wonderful complement, Thank you. Peace.

    LeeC--Just a fragile hope that words can heal too... Thank you for your kind words. Peace.

    Cran--I am sorry... Thank you for reading. Peace...Jul

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jul 2014
    Somewhere west of Yoknapatawpha.
    Your lines are missing or have some added beats in some places; those could be ironed out, I think. But for the most part, the word choices work and aren't forced for the sake of rhyme. Do you read your work aloud?

    What's scary too is when parents seemingly do all the right things and a child still takes the wrong path. It's all very scary. All you can do is your best and keep your fingers crossed.

    Good job Jul,


  9. #9
    Esteban--Thank you for your comments. I have read my poems aloud, but then become unsure of myself when I hear them, sorta daunting...anyway, I know this does not flow as smoothly as it could.Thanks again. Peace...Jul

  10. #10
    Member Ayumi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Northern Ireland
    Such a well written and sad piece.. something I can relate to because I knew someone in a similar situation.

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