Daddy's Girl - Page 4


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Thread: Daddy's Girl

  1. #31
    Thanks for sharing this poem. The subject matter isn't something I can personally relate to but the feeling behind it was delivered really well. I would like to see more like this and look forward to reading whatever you do next.

  2. #32
    Member wainscottbl's Avatar
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    But at age fifteen she found herself
    hustling for something to eat,
    turning tricks at night for drugs
    and sleeping on the street.

    Found in the river:young white female,
    Daddy's girl Tshirt and levi shorts,
    Jane Doe,unclaimed and forgotten
    filed away in a police report.
    I did not really care for it, not too much until here. On the imagery level, yes, it was fine, though it seemed to me overdone, even juvenile. But I kept reading because it was at least decently written. The last two stanzas were powerful though. Maybe overdone and melodramatic one might argue--I thought of Law and Order SVU--but still powerful and moving. Why? Because it made one think of the suffering in the world. The girl, who we imagine in the poem is suddenly dead. The reality of such things sets in. The rest of the poem I'm reading about some poor girl who longs for her daddy, who is a deadbeat or whatever. No that it's not just but it's just an overdone archetype I think the last couple stanzas save the poem for what I figured was some well meant poem. But to avoid sounding like too much of a jerk I really like the alliteration in the last two stanzas. It really boldens (is that a word?) the already powerful image. It shows that such an image, in poetry, is really made powerful by the poet's ability to make words speak like music without a melody.

  3. #33
    TKent--Thank you so much! My style of writing is to use a gentle approach and let the reader take over and fill in the gaps and nudge the reader in a direction rather than lead ...Sometimes that works and sometimes--it does not.I love that you understood the significance of the Daddy's girl Tshirt, that was so important to me.

    Ripples--thank you for reading.

    Zerofirezelo--Thank you for your kind comments, and welcome to WF, I also am looking forward to reading your work. Peace...Jul Thanks for those who "liked" this poem.
    She lost herself in the trees,
    among the ever-changing leaves.
    She wept beneath the wild sky
    as stars told stories of ancient times.
    The flowers grew toward her light,
    the river called her name at night.
    She could not live an ordinary life,
    with the mysteries of the universe
    hidden in her eyes....
    Author: Christy Ann Martine

    Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
    love leaves a memory no one can steal....
    Author unknown.

  4. #34
    Your approach worked brilliantly for me

    Quote Originally Posted by Firemajic View Post
    TKent--Thank you so much! My style of writing is to use a gentle approach and let the reader take over and fill in the gaps and nudge the reader in a direction rather than lead ...Sometimes that works and sometimes--it does not.I love that you understood the significance of the Daddy's girl Tshirt, that was so important to me.

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