Black Wings - Page 2


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Thread: Black Wings

  1. #11
    It's a wonderful piece, please keep writing more.

  2. #12
    Great piece well done!

  3. #13
    Member Erik Fantasia's Avatar
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    Thank you guys so much. It means more than you know. I've always wanted to share myself. Actually, if you read Making Wonderland, you'll see what I mean.

    Thank you guys for the encouragement. You are all blessings from Christ.
    Have you ever had Jesus sleep over?

  4. #14
    Dark, I love it. My favourite part is...

    "Death to all peace that once survived
    Dead on the floor does easy love lie
    A heart with a blade and a broken red sword
    A cry in the night, a prayer to the lord"

  5. #15
    Member Erik Fantasia's Avatar
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    That's also my fav part! Thanks.
    Have you ever had Jesus sleep over?

  6. #16
    Some of the rhyme schemes are really great I like the the picture that you're painting but it it trailed off after a while and I lost interest in reading it so I'm thinking something's going on with your song structures. Commit to a song structure

  7. #17
    So dark and depressing, i like it

  8. #18
    Beta Reader Princesisto's Avatar
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    I especially like the way you repeat the last line of one stanza as the first line in the next stanza.

    In a song, that sounds especially good and makes your message clear.

    And what is your message? I guess that "hope is bad, not good."

    Yes, sometimes it can be, if there is no logical reason to think things can get better and people are just telling you to "hope, hope, have hope!"

    I guess this is hard rock/heavy metal?

    I think these lyrics would sound good screamed!

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