Walking with Dither


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Thread: Walking with Dither

  1. #1
    WF Veteran Gofa's Avatar
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    Walking with Dither

    Today I went for a walk around a mall to get little equilibrium back and bought chips on my return and so went into Dither mode and thought I might return the favour and show a mile in my shoes.
    Firstly I am sitting outside rug around my knees it's winter, 22 June watching a watery sun shuffle down towards the horizon. As it gets there it will be the same minute as the sun rises through stone henge. A friend always attends in the UK and I try and wave from the other side of the world for the instant we both see the same sun. As this is an auspicious occasion I have prepared aromatic herbs for burning, special prepared berries ground to a powder and infused into water and finally a special drink that contains all the pride of the Beams family's 200 year history. Sounds flash maybe, the occasion is special, but it's really a cigar, cup of coffee and a bourbon, note the 200 year thing was on the Jim Beam label.
    But I have digressed. In walking I put on noise cancelling ear phones and listened to my music with no external noise very cool trick
    interesting how you go vacant of eye and wander when you have no mission other than sight seeing. I did ask myself what would Dither notice as the biggest item was the smoke or steam from a timber plant showing the wind coming from the south west.
    All my adult life I've used that smoke stack to tell the wind. I have surfed since my late teens and when the wind turns off shore the surf is better so you keep a check. When I was younger I could anticipate the weather changes as many of us did. Talking about the wind coming about in an hour or more. Interesting it's barometric changes that people pick up yet it's nice to remember past things.
    As I walked the malls I concentrated on trucking right. Can't remember the last time I heard that song. So lovely to bounce with stepping and be in time to the music in your ears. Big and Rich. Save a horse ride a cow boy. One of my daughters country songs very nice stepping music. Look it up on you tube. We have had bad earth quakes some years ago and the devastation is still every where. It's funny with ear phones in driving home I looked around which you normally don't do. All the missing buildings you grew up with are gone, you get disorientated and are not sure of your route. Best to look at the road and avoid. On the way home though I looked. There's new stuff in many places but no optimism of recovery that burnt out a couple of years ago.
    Still do one thing a day that scares you, I went to Wendy's. Never been in one of those before. it's a food franchise new to this country and I had the head phones on. Lovely to look at a room of screaming kids and parents but just see the mouths moving no noise
    Didn't stay it was "to go" so I ate the chips as I drove. Interesting no motor no road noise just quiet. Makes you very attentive. You see things notice bits that are unimportant but still interesting in that they were never there in the past but must have been. How much of our lives do we miss thinking of something else. I got distracted half way home and thought about my day job and who I have to talk to tomorrow. Funny some miles later I came back to now with the auto pilot gone, noticed how much of the journey home got lost in me thinking of elsewhere. You are given such pause as how much of my life has passed me by while I thought of other places other things and stopped paying anything but superficial attention to my surroundings.
    Dither the chips needed more salt but in the car it was a hundred metres back to get some and it seems too far. Actually I ate the chip for 15 minutes it would have taken 3 maybe 4 to fetch the salt. 11 minutes not spent wisely telling myself shoulda got the salt. Next time I will fetch the salt. PS there was jacket potatoes being sold in this Wendy's so instead if a burger I got a potato with cheese and chilly. Just brought it home. Too hard to eat moving. Rang my wife from the line ordering. Everyone stares. She did not want anything but I told her I loved her lots as I said good bye. I don't care what others listen too. My youngest daughter 26 likes to walk arm in arm with me when walking are together. Funny the looks you get you can see the calculations "He's old enough to be her father". They are right I am. Always have been. My children are gone now and in writing this I miss them. In other cities other countries still nice to watch and chat on Facebook.
    I think this enough Dither it is not of great import but it is my life. Lots of little things strung together.
    the sun is close to the horizon I should light the special aromatic herbs now

  2. #2
    Member dither's Avatar
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    Nice one Gofa.
    If i post a comment on a "WIP", LOOK! I'm a reader that's all, and i can only tell how i feel, as a READER, giving/offering feedback. Hoping to learn and grow here. So please, tell me where i'm going wrong.

    Me? I'm just a fly on the wall.

    Look! I'm trying, okay?

    One can but dream, if only i had dared.

    "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong" Mahatma Gandhi.
    Alas, i am weak.

    I must find a way to Eastbourne and i so wish that i could dance.

  3. #3
    Honoured/Sadly Missed Pandora's Avatar
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    Really enjoyed your dither moments Gofa, beautiful images of your surroundings, feelings and thoughts brought forth emotions and kinship. An example of dithering and sharing, an honorable tribute to the best, our dither. Well done! Hope for much more!
    [I]"The world stands out on either side No wider than the heart is wide;
    Above the world is stretched the sky, No higher than the soul is high.
    The heart can push the sea and land Farther away on either hand;
    The soul can split the sky in two, And let the face of God shine through.
    But East and West will pinch the heart That can not keep them pushed apart;
    And he whose soul is flat -- the sky -- Will cave in on him by and by."
    [/I]

  4. #4
    Member dither's Avatar
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    Oh Pandora,

    If i post a comment on a "WIP", LOOK! I'm a reader that's all, and i can only tell how i feel, as a READER, giving/offering feedback. Hoping to learn and grow here. So please, tell me where i'm going wrong.

    Me? I'm just a fly on the wall.

    Look! I'm trying, okay?

    One can but dream, if only i had dared.

    "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong" Mahatma Gandhi.
    Alas, i am weak.

    I must find a way to Eastbourne and i so wish that i could dance.

  5. #5
    enjoyed dude.
    The only one who can heal you is you.




  6. #6
    WF Veteran Gofa's Avatar
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    Is


    Where do I live within a mind that stretches so far.
    So many places


    I can chose and I often do. So many times should and must just happens and I am a prisoner in my own land

    The should be's capture me. They reach out and ensnare my intent and as quickly as one two three I'm lost in all the things that should be. The land of next, and must do now. At these times I recognise my plight but my will is weakened my resolve incomplete. The imperative overwhelms leaves me no choice as I must, and let the guilt parade with the biggest brass band if I'm the slightest bit tardy.


    There is another place I have heard exists. I place of now and normal stuff. The land of is. A place that is. Is here, is now, is of itself.


    Wish is was here more often

  7. #7
    WF Veteran Gofa's Avatar
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    I was told to write stuff down today and it seems more functional to have it read than not. I have been doctored a bit lately. The paralysis of my youth started to reform. Mostly the pain and numbness. A little weakness in my left leg. Poor sleep over 2 weeks and increasing symptoms as a consequence of a small back dislocation. Still it's an easy trajectory to plot. Before you reach for a tissue, two osteopaths of different technique has righted the good ship
    So the point of my writing is not this
    the number of my years is 3 score plus 0ne
    last year I fell from my motorised skate board at speed and was hospitalised. People ask me why I was doing this. My answer being it was a whole lot of fun up until I fell off. My world looked grim. Fractured left tibia hyper extended both knees, and the prospect of surgery was avoided by a small margin ie 45 minutes. Life returned so too the wheel chair was given back. The paralysis reared it's head then, but was a yeah whatever at best, when placed in context with the song and dance that held centre stage.
    Next as part of recovery I diversified into a different martial art. I have taught Taichi for enough years and other stuff that complements Wing Chun that I attended. My irreverent attitude and desire to laugh perhaps attracted a response. The short of it an instructor felt a little threatened and delivered a blow, read elbow strike to my unprotected chest. Outcome extremely high blood pressure that I detected a month later missing the stroke that easily could have occurred given the extreme level. Again an end game to life as I enjoy it. But a remedy by relieving displacement in my chest had normalcy return and pills avoided.
    The first paragraph is the third time heaven has knocked on my door. Skate board August last year. Blood pressure January this. The creeping death June July as in now.
    there is a message here Jim. Time is short could be it but I am no smarter as to what response I should make.
    ive always thought there was a message in my life. When I grew up and got big I would understand and one day say "oh that bit goes there" or some similar eureka statement. But nope not a smidgen.
    they say the bullet that gets you you never hear
    Years ago I blacked out while writing some complicated report for someone so important I remember them not at all. I faded to black with a pain in my chest. As I fell face down toward my key board I said "oh Fuck" in my head, more resignation and not out of fear, it was that my kids would find me thus
    My breathing had shut down and one big breath later I was back. Lots of doctors lots of ohh and ahh then much to do about nothing.
    So if you have read this far. What is the point ?
    i agree absolutely no idea. Living well is the best revenge I do live well. My wife understands me and etc etc etc

    may be I should make some chips and eat them with vinaigrette Mmmm spell checker Dither I typed vinegar

    I feel I have had this great explanation given me and my response is

    I don't understand anything past the point you said "listen very carefully this is extremely important"

    i lie here thinking of where to go next Interesting I have such a restraint about being myself. Speaking that which is from within.

    I understand how you go third person Dither.

    My life

    Today I talked with a guy about him buying 2 million in cranes and how to structure the start up and then add another 2 million in hiabs and transport. I navigate for companies and people. I don't lift the sail, swab the deck or man the oars. Mostly I point and say not that way and better that way.
    This is my day job. It's just what I do? I like helping people. Some days it's frustrating or scary or boring etc etc
    With these skill sets it is unfortunate that I can't find the compass in my own life nor read the map I find so easy for in others.

    Lastly and perhaps not least. I am not frightened of dying. Actually something of a relief when it gets here. Sadly I've a bit farther to go. May be not. The reason is since I was a child I have on and off seen dead people. Yup it's crazy and yes I don't mention it to many clients. Spent most of my life tuning unwanted understandings out of my consciousness. Took a while but pretty imbedded now. Funerals can be interesting one time I lent on the guys fence drinking his best scotch while we chatted. He did not think much of his family either. That's why I was outside, him too.
    A while ago talking with a client he asked. " you know when I'm calling you don't you" I thought about lying and then dismissed. This guy was astute and it would undermine the trust. I said "Please don't make a big deal about this but Yes I often do"
    The thing about all this is I have no real explanation as to the things I know and see particularly the mechanics. It's not a big deal and best kept in a corner. Most of the people I've met in this area are a bit crazy at best or all smoke and mirrors which is sad mostly.
    Well Dither this is a short trip on my bus. As with you it's better to go before you go to sleep so that is next as it's 1.30 am

  8. #8
    Member dither's Avatar
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    Great post Gofa.

    I would just like to respond to your views on dying.

    The actual process and final act of dying scares the living crap out of me, and i DO wonder about that.
    But i don't really care for living.

    I mean, look! I'm in my 60s, i couldn't wish to be in better condition physically, i work nights, commute on buses, and i bet i walk getting on for half a mile every day. I can't go on for ever, and i wonder. How? When?

    And by the way, i usually go THEN fall asleep.

    Gofa, do keep up.

    And keep posting.
    If i post a comment on a "WIP", LOOK! I'm a reader that's all, and i can only tell how i feel, as a READER, giving/offering feedback. Hoping to learn and grow here. So please, tell me where i'm going wrong.

    Me? I'm just a fly on the wall.

    Look! I'm trying, okay?

    One can but dream, if only i had dared.

    "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong" Mahatma Gandhi.
    Alas, i am weak.

    I must find a way to Eastbourne and i so wish that i could dance.

  9. #9
    WF Veteran Gofa's Avatar
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    Okay Dither, welcome aboard my bus, admission is free, take a window seat, the view might be a little strange

    Two years my uncle died. No big deal, he had lived a nice long life and my brother rang to remind me so off to the funeral my wife and I went.

    Nice churchy feel to the place of service, you take a pew and look at the casket like every one else in the room. My wife dug my in the ribs a couple of times as I was starting to drift off to sleep. I looked around in my usual attitude of curiosity. I categorise this and that look at relatives and strangers alike.

    im one for keeping it simple inside. Best way is to forget the things you can't explain. I've spent too many years like a dog with a bone trying to explain to myself why I see and hear as I do. Finally I have given up and just try and get by giving it as little attention as I can.

    So there I sit when out if no where and I mean no where eight guys in military uniform are standing to attention around my uncles coffin. I'm 30 feet away. They are translucent lets say like a hologram but still I can see badges and insignia
    I close my eyes and look again. Still there. Look full left. Look full right. Still there when I return my gaze.

    Even from here it's moving to me as I remember. These guys had a pact. They would wait. They would all go together. My uncle was the last in his squad to die. His mates came back and stood in silent vigil saluted after about 10 minutes and winked out like some Star Trek movie

    i explained to my wife who accepts I see what I see but did not bother to try to tell any one else. You see the thing was they all had promised to come to each other's funerals. They promised not to let one if them pass without remembrance. They did not let the minor stuff of being already dead get in the way of that pact. It's lovely to see for me as it not just dead people shimmering in the corner of your eye it's caring and commitment. I understand until death we do part. These guys on the battle field had given an undertaking and being dead did not get in their way of keeping that promise.
    they came back for their mate and took him forward
    The message here Dither is we don't die alone, I get the feeling of a welcoming committee being present.

  10. #10
    Member dither's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Gofa View Post
    Okay Dither, welcome aboard my bus, admission is free, take a window seat, the view might be a little strange

    Two years my uncle died. No big deal, he had lived a nice long life and my brother rang to remind me so off to the funeral my wife and I went.

    Nice churchy feel to the place of service, you take a pew and look at the casket like every one else in the room. My wife dug my in the ribs a couple of times as I was starting to drift off to sleep. I looked around in my usual attitude of curiosity. I categorise this and that look at relatives and strangers alike.

    im one for keeping it simple inside. Best way is to forget the things you can't explain. I've spent too many years like a dog with a bone trying to explain to myself why I see and hear as I do. Finally I have given up and just try and get by giving it as little attention as I can.

    So there I sit when out if no where and I mean no where eight guys in military uniform are standing to attention around my uncles coffin. I'm 30 feet away. They are translucent lets say like a hologram but still I can see badges and insignia
    I close my eyes and look again. Still there. Look full left. Look full right. Still there when I return my gaze.

    Even from here it's moving to me as I remember. These guys had a pact. They would wait. They would all go together. My uncle was the last in his squad to die. His mates came back and stood in silent vigil saluted after about 10 minutes and winked out like some Star Trek movie

    i explained to my wife who accepts I see what I see but did not bother to try to tell any one else. You see the thing was they all had promised to come to each other's funerals. They promised not to let one if them pass without remembrance. They did not let the minor stuff of being already dead get in the way of that pact. It's lovely to see for me as it not just dead people shimmering in the corner of your eye it's caring and commitment. I understand until death we do part. These guys on the battle field had given an undertaking and being dead did not get in their way of keeping that promise.
    they came back for their mate and took him forward
    The message here Dither is we don't die alone, I get the feeling of a welcoming committee being present.
    Gofa, i actually have a plan to put your feeling to the test, but a "no result" doesn't necessarily disprove anything.
    To be honest Gofa, i really don't buy that but who's to say?
    And maybe you just have to believe.
    Good luck with your's.
    If i post a comment on a "WIP", LOOK! I'm a reader that's all, and i can only tell how i feel, as a READER, giving/offering feedback. Hoping to learn and grow here. So please, tell me where i'm going wrong.

    Me? I'm just a fly on the wall.

    Look! I'm trying, okay?

    One can but dream, if only i had dared.

    "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong" Mahatma Gandhi.
    Alas, i am weak.

    I must find a way to Eastbourne and i so wish that i could dance.

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