Pacific Dream


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Thread: Pacific Dream

  1. #1

    Pacific Dream

    I lay my eyes on her emerging silhouette as the sun takes a slow dip in to the warm Pacific behind her.

    The fire begins to illuminate her breathtaking beauty as she nears—the ocean rolling like diamonds off her golden skin.

    Like a goddess from the most erotic of dreams, she begins to move in perfect rhythm to the beat of steel drums in the distance.

    She presses her wet, sun-kissed body against mine as, gently, I lift her chin.

    I gaze in to the hypnotic reflection of the fire dancing in her big hazel eyes... those hazel eyes—like a thousand tiny emeralds mixed within the brown silken sand beneath our feet.

    The drums in the distance have gone quiet, leaving only the melodic sound of waves softly kissing our beach.

    I feel her heart pounding against my chest, and the warmth of her breath as our lips move closer...









    Last edited by Brock; March 22nd, 2014 at 02:13 PM. Reason: I cannt spel good
    Boy, your mother really did a number on you, didn't she?

  2. #2
    That was quite vivid. You said a lot without saying a lot.

    "She presses her wet, sun-kissed body against mine. I gently lift her chin and see the reflection of the fire in her eyes."

    The "I" in that second sentence kind of broke the flow for me. Like, for that one sentence, it was simply a play by play of what was happening.

    "like a thousand tiny emeralds strewn about the silken sand beneath our feet."

    I don't really get that description...I was on board with the "thousand tiny emeralds", but the rest of the sentence doesn't really help with the description of her eyes.

    Beyond that, very nicely done!

  3. #3
    Thanks -AT. The emeralds strewn about the sand is a metaphor that I thought about the other night before writing this... Hazel eyes -- specs of green and brown. I'm open to any suggestions. Thanks again.
    Last edited by Brock; March 21st, 2014 at 05:59 AM.
    Boy, your mother really did a number on you, didn't she?

  4. #4
    Oh.....hahahaha. I feel dumb. I get it now. Disregard what I said about that.

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by -AT View Post
    Oh.....hahahaha. I feel dumb. I get it now. Disregard what I said about that.
    No problem. I actually changed that line up a bit... hopefully for the better.
    Boy, your mother really did a number on you, didn't she?

  6. #6
    Lots of colour imagery or seems it. Is this a stand alone?

  7. #7
    Edit
    Last edited by Brock; May 11th, 2014 at 04:09 AM.
    Boy, your mother really did a number on you, didn't she?

  8. #8
    really like these short pieces and how they unravel..enjoyed
    The only one who can heal you is you.




  9. #9
    Quote Originally Posted by Brock View Post
    She presses her wet, sun-kissed body against mine as I gently lift her chin.
    I want to read this as "she presses her wet, sun-kissed body against mine as, gently, I lift her chin."

    No idea why.

    I like this. It feels dream-like and sweet. The only other thing I would add is scent. It's one of our strongest senses and you have it completely ignored here.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by amsawtell View Post
    I want to read this as "she presses her wet, sun-kissed body against mine as, gently, I lift her chin."

    No idea why.

    I like this. It feels dream-like and sweet. The only other thing I would add is scent. It's one of our strongest senses and you have it completely ignored here.
    Thanks amsawtell, I added your change. I like it too. No smell yet...
    Boy, your mother really did a number on you, didn't she?

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