Help and Feedback Needed for my Synopsis

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Thread: Help and Feedback Needed for my Synopsis

  1. #1
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    Aug 2012
    Ontario, CA
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    Help and Feedback Needed for my Synopsis

    I’ve been playing this story idea for a while now and what I find helps me is writing a synopsis. I have written and re-wrote it several times and would love some outsider feedback as my brain is too close to it. I strive to improve my writing in all possible ways. Thank you

    Title: Crystal-The Strata Chronicles–Book I
    This story is a Young Adult Novel.
    Genre: Fiction/Paranormal/Urban Fantasy
    Within a Parallel Universe . . .

    Earth was home to two superior evolved beings: Humans and Supernatural Creatures. The two coexist side by side for thousands of years, each owning their own land, ruling their own people and building their own nations. Peace ruled the population because of the Treaty set by the Jinn’s (the most powerful of all Supernatural Creatures), to keep a truce between Humans and Supernatural Creatures. The Great Race War of 2213 changed all this when General Kale Maddox declared world war on all Supernatural Creatures (a.k.a. Urals). Humans (through the power of advanced technology) were able to suppress and apprehend all Urals exiling them to a remote location called: The Outskirts. Children born from an Ural and a Human parent were evolved hybrids (a.k.a. Malgams). General Kale Maddox unified the nations of the world and its leaders into one human-world-order. Under his regime he created Strata one political government to govern the humans appointing himself as Dictator. The world nations were divided into four Quadrants: The Western Quadrant, The Northern Quadrant, The Southern Quadrant and The Eastern Quadrant. Each Quadrant has an Ambassador that governs their countries but they all serve the Strata Regime. The Outskirts is the only piece of land that does not have an Ambassador, as it is actually a prison for all Urals to reside in for life.

    Twenty years later. . .

    The year now is 2233 General Kale Maddox's son Lieutenant General Bert Maddox took control of The Strata Regime as his successor after his death. Instituting rehabilitation camps for all Malgams. His goal was to re-program the minds of the Malgams so they could became docile allowing him to create a large labor population that acted as servants for the Humans. All Malgams lived in The Districts.

    In the quiet suburban town of Aurora, of The Western Quadrant, Crystal Swallow has always felt like an outsider. Her strong opinions and convictions have made her different; she just doesn’t know how different she really is, yet.

    The Vigil police the town’s people and The Council judge them, usually sentencing comrades to rehabilitation camps or death, cutting out the timely process of trials and prison; which no longer exists.

    When Crystal’s classmate Noel St. Jean-Baptiste goes missing for over a month, she takes it upon herself to investigate to find him. But seventeen year old girls do not play detective in the world of Strata. What terrible secrets are hidden in the Strata Regime that would maybe play a hand in Noel’s disappearance?

    But no sooner has Crystal disobeyed one of the Strata laws propelling her to challenge The Council. If she is not careful The Strata Regime could sentence her to harsh physical punishment or worse yet death.

    Crystal's inner and outer struggles become more noticeable when she attends Hawthorne High School, her peeps notice a difference in her, soon she will no longer be able to control herself or her desires to seek out the truth and find Noel. Her dark family history slowly unravels as she discovers who she really is.

    Will this truth send her to the rehabilitation camps?

    Crystal grows into her own power and reveals to the world of Strata who she really is, fighting for justice and truth.
    ~ S.L.G

    "Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work." ~ Stephen King

  2. #2
    Hi, Stephanie!

    You have some fascinating ideas in this work. Some truly inventive concepts.

    However, as a reader, you didn't hook me until I reached this sentence:

    In the quiet suburban town of Aurora, of The Western Quadrant, Crystal Swallow has always felt like an outsider.

    It wasn't until this point that an actual main character was presented, someone with emotions that I could identify with.

    If we're talking about a synopsis, I'd say that this is where your story begins. All the other information works more as backstory. It's a rich backstory, one that describes the evolution of the storyworld, but it's presented in a clinical, almost detached fashion. The Urals and the Humans mean nothing to me, because there are no individual characters among them for me to care about.

    So, I have two suggestions:

    1) Keep the backstory to yourself (the author), and allow the characters to reveal such information throughout the story, perhaps in conversations, or through thoughts. This way Crystal's story takes center-stage, while the background of the world is more of a sidenote.

    2) If you feel attached to the backstory and absolutely want it in there, I recommend creating a main character for each sequence/chapter of evolution you wish to include. Filter the events through the eyes of someone to give the read a human, emotional element, rather than a detached, clinical one.

    One last minor point is, I recommend choosing one name only for the supernatural creatures. Either Urals, or Supernatural Creatures, but not both. Be precise and definitive with your storylanguage.

    Those nits aside, I think you've got some amazing concepts in here and there's a ton of material here to make for terrific writing. Hope any of this helps!

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