Trouble sentence with emdashes to rewrite - Page 2

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Thread: Trouble sentence with emdashes to rewrite

  1. #11
    Creative Area Specialist (Fiction) Blade's Avatar
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    Oct 2012
    Kitchener, Ontario.
    Quote Originally Posted by akoudrin View Post

    Not sure which version is better.
    If you would like an opinion I think the second looks better, esp, if you take out the bold exclamation point in line 1.

    The first, I think, looks a little cramped whereas the second separates the features better, is more expansive. So there.

  2. #12
    Quote Originally Posted by Blade View Post
    I think you are right on that. They function as little blank spots or speed bumps the slow down the action at a specific point.

    I am going to have to pay more attention to this.
    Em dashes emphasize supplemental information (raise to the forefront) while commas have a tendency to diminish (send to the background) and parentheses are for supplemental information of a more digressive nature (side comments).
    Last edited by Nee; February 27th, 2013 at 06:39 PM.
    “The difficulty of literature is not to write, but to write what you mean; not to affect your reader, but to affect him precisely as you wish.” —Robert Louis Stevenson.

  3. #13
    I often find it awkward having two phrases, in this case 'quickly and painlessly' and 'regardless of your experience level,' at the end of a sentence. How about 'Regardless of your experience level, boost all of your foosball skills quickly and painlessly.' You can keep the 'passing, shooting, defending' either after 'skills' or as a separate sentence.
    Last edited by C.M. Aaron; March 1st, 2013 at 05:20 PM.

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