The Defenders: Rigor (Pre-Book 1) [Short Story]

Read our latest author interview on Flashes >>HERE<< .

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 11

Thread: The Defenders: Rigor (Pre-Book 1) [Short Story]

  1. #1

    The Defenders: Rigor (Pre-Book 1) [Short Story]

    [LOOKING FOR FEEDBACK]

    Note: This idea started from the Halo Machinima series Red Vs. Blue

    I am planning on writing a book. I will start it out as a short story. Not a real story. But something for a reader to read and be ready to get engaged in and something to look up to and be ready to read the first book of The Defenders series. The secrets of Area 51 in this series will be stranger than the aliens some people believe.

    Setting:
    Area 51
    Year 2052
    The Main Character: (Age 16)
    The main character is known as Alaska. She is a orphan who was taken at birth by a group known as The Defenders. The mother died at birth of Alaska. Alaska original name was going planned on being Naomi, but she was taken and put into the most elite group on the planet. They can take down a tank without equipment. They learned from years on end starting at age 5, they will become some of the deadliest warriors around.
    Alaska is convinced everything she has done is for the right of the world, and so is everyone else. They have good intentions, and so does everyone in the program. She is the worst of the bunch though. She is one of the best users in the program with unarmed combat. But in every single other way she is the worst in the program.

    The idea of this book series is how anyone can become a champion, but this is not released in this book. Alaska starts as a horrible fighter in almost every way compared to her team mates. She becomes the best later on. And then she becomes a legend.

    Questions: (The older ones are higher, and I have some pre-made questions to answer anything that might be asked)
    How are they trained so expertly?: In this book it will show how they are trained. They are taught to take in every single place on the battlefield and to manipulate their surroundings in every way possible. They are taught how to see when something is about to be fired (guns, rockets, cannons, etc.) from the way their barrels move. They also have a built in intelligence system known as an A.I (Artificial intelligence) which uses it's ability to talk to them in their mind and helps their fighting ability over a hundred times better than they currently are.

    What is the point of Alaska being horrible in the beginning?: I got inspiration for this point from the song: Hall of Fame by The Script. She is to be someone you want to see her progress of and to be able to want her to become something more.

    What are The Defenders goal?: The Defenders goal is to take out the enemy quickly and efficiently, they are a version of special ops, but trained to the extreme. They fight the enemy and take them out alone or in small teams, sometimes they go for objectives that are for bigger reasons such as valuable intel or for a goal that gives them a even better advantage. In the end The Defenders goal is world peace, but it is hard no matter what your skills are.

    As I hear more from other people this is the current information that I have on this short story, any more information will be added as questions are made and I get new ideas.

    Information on me:
    I am 14
    Male
    I am a average writer for my age.
    I got good grammar when I aim for it.
    I got aspergers+bipolar, this can give me personal experience to add experiences to this book.
    I am highly dedicated.

  2. #2
    Member Crash_Tomas's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Somewhere in Massachusetts at a desk or out in the sun. If it's night, sleeping or in the moonlight.
    Posts
    206
    This has potential and I admire your scope of a world based off of war and training military procedures. It is really interesting, but because of your age and if you're just really starting this story, perhaps first write a few short stories of adventuring and fighting with this idea as a basis, so you don't really have to worry so much about the plot of a full length novel. My suggestion is to just practice the skill and utilize this idea as much as you can. Your age is really in your favor on this and you should bank off of it.

    The idea sounds amazing and I hope one day you flesh it out further and write many novels in your life. That's the aim of any writer, I hope. Do not go into this thinking you have to write a huge novel at a young age. You have time for that. Your dedication is clear. But you must build up or risk being aggravated with yourself. It's like running a marathon. You don't train by running the full marathon right away. You, indeed, train up to the point and beyond.

    Good luck, I really hope you don't take this the wrong way, because I am just trying to help. =)
    "This is Where the Story Starts."

    -Don't ever forget. Promise me you won't forget.
    -I'm sorry, what are we talking about?

    The Color of Night in a Thunderstorm.

  3. #3
    Thanks a lot for the help. I do realize my age is a advantage, I am going to be making "The Defenders" in the book in the age range of 15-18. A lot of time I see the protagonist in books being a male, so I thought of doing a female side of this. Alaska is obviously the main character. The antagonist I have yet to think of as well.
    We are actually practicing in my English class on short stories, so that is why I am starting now. I do realize I will have to do a lot of research, but I am very open to different ideas because it is based on a different year. (2052)

    Thanks for the feedback.

  4. #4
    Hi NathanMB,
    Crash has given you some sound advice. There is no reason why you can't write short stories based on the outline 'Defenders.'
    That way you could incorporate them when you eventually go for the novel.

    Keeping the Hero/heroine likeable but inept is a good way to go. Everyone on the planet can relate to that. The rest is detail. A series of shorts would help you with that as well.

    Good luck
    Bazz

  5. #5
    I am probably going to do a series of shorts, actually. But the thing is I want each short to each get closer to the main plot. Most of it will be training in the shorts. Showing the abilities and the pressure they go under to keep the audience entertained. Then eventually I will do a short mission, Alaska's first mission. What that will be I currently don't know though.

  6. #6
    Banned
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Maine - we're here so you don't have to be
    Posts
    151
    nathanmb,
    somebody wrote:
    Keeping the Hero/heroine likeable but inept is a good way to go. Everyone on the planet can relate to that.
    I disagree. There has always been a strong following for adept heroes. Consider Superman. Batman, Spiderman, and many others.

    I wrote a story myself about a girl who is intelligent, effective, and a good person. Some people have said I should give her some character faults, but if I did that she would not succeed in the great challenges facing her. There is room in literature for heroes too.

    I don't really know where your story is going, you haven't given much info, but perhaps you can consider putting together a second story. It goes something like this:

    Time: present day
    Main character: Natasha ( or some such name )
    Plot:
    Natasha is the teenaged daughter of a top CIA official. Due to her father's stupidity, Natasha learns the top national defense secret. It might be evidence of alien visitation if that's what you're interested.
    At first Natasha doesn't know the importance of what she's learned and tells friends she knows a big secret. The government learns that she knows. If she lets the secret out in the open it will be a national disaster.
    Now the problem is what to do with Natasha? They can't lock her up. On the other hand they can't forget about her as she goes to high school and does all the things kids do. What can they do to keep the secret secret? How can Natasha convince them she won't talk?

    Natasha is put to the test. She's kidnapped by foreign agents who want to know what her secret is. Natasha shows her intelligence and courage. She invents some story about the United States having nuclear missiles in Israel to attack the Arabs if they invade Israel. She invents a code name for the project: "umbrella". This satisfies the foreign agents. They can watch for the word "umbrella" and track down the nuclear missiles. The agents let Natasha go on the streets of Washington, because if they killed her it would be a serious international incident. Knowing her "secret" is good enough.

    But of course the "secret" Natasha told them was a fake. The real secret is the alien visitation evidence.

    She becomes a hero to the CIA and her dad.


    Good luck.
    Last edited by empresstheresa; January 16th, 2013 at 04:15 AM.

  7. #7
    You appear to have a good set-up, and you are considering the overall impact of your character development. This is a very good sign, especially for being a young writer (young writers rule!).

    Pay a lot of attention to your hero. If you make the story(s) centred around them, they will become more recognisable throughout and embody the story as a whole. You know, like how Harry Potter embodies the Harry Potter books (and not just because they're named after him).

    Your set-up reminds me a little of the H.I.V.E series by Mark Walden. Have you read it? If not, read it.

    Making the hero be flawed is a step in the right direction (why is most music in a minor key nowadays? Because it adds complexion, at least more easily). But making her likeable, relatable and prominent enough to deserve being given that exclusive 'main character' role will be what makes her a truely great protagonist.

    Writing short stories is a good way to go if you want to work out how everything fits together/your tone/anything else. I've always found there to be a strong difference between having a great world in your head and writing a great world down on paper, in a story. Focus on the story, and the world will come into view.

    This looks like it's going to be a really good project. Good luck, nathanmb, and good writing.
    Sleep is for the weak, or sleep is for a week.
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    I write about anime and internet culture at Hidden Content

  8. #8
    Banned
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Maine - we're here so you don't have to be
    Posts
    151
    Making the hero be flawed is a step in the right direction (why is most music in a minor key nowadays? Because it adds complexion, at least more easily). But making her likeable, relatable and prominent enough to deserve being given that exclusive 'main character' role will be what makes her a truely great protagonist.


    The more complicated the protagonist's challenges, the more flawless the protagonist has to be.

    In my story, Empress Theresa, the challenges Theresa face are so great, any flaw on her part will surely lead to disaster.

    Genius is composed of intelligence and temperament. There's nothing to be done about intelligence; you either have it or not.
    But temperament is somewhat within our control. It's all about attitudes, morality, empathy, courage, faith, and all those things that make a person good and valuable, or bad and worthless.

  9. #9
    The more complicated the protagonist's challenges, the more flawless the protagonist has to be.
    Simply incorrect. The more flawed you make the character, the more the reader doubts that they will overcome the challenges. Having a flawless character means you can close the book right now, because you know they are going to succeed. Even in stories told thousands of years ago, the hero always had at least one fatal flaw. Having such a flaw makes great challenges even greater.
    Sleep is for the weak, or sleep is for a week.
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    I write about anime and internet culture at Hidden Content

  10. #10
    Banned
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Maine - we're here so you don't have to be
    Posts
    151
    nathanmb,
    Observe how a debate can be carried on forever...



    The more complicated the protagonist's challenges, the more flawless the protagonist has to be.


    Simply incorrect. The more flawed you make the character, the more the reader doubts that they will overcome the challenges. Having a flawless character means you can close the book right now, because you know they are going to succeed. Even in stories told thousands of years ago, the hero always had at least one fatal flaw. Having such a flaw makes great challenges even greater.


    • The reader cannot know whether the character is flawless or flawed, or will be successful or not, until the the issue in question has been resolved one way or another.
      The character may be flawless with respect to the issue in question and still fail because the challenge is simply beyond his ability. This is drama too.


      If the challenge reaches the limit of human ability, having a flawless character can still provide tension because you can't know the character will succeed.


    Last edited by empresstheresa; January 24th, 2013 at 04:42 PM.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  
This website uses cookies
We use cookies to store session information to facilitate remembering your login information, to allow you to save website preferences, to personalise content and ads, to provide social media features and to analyse our traffic. We also share information about your use of our site with our social media, advertising and analytics partners.