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Thread: The Fantastic Tale of Houdini the Cat and His Search for a Forever Home

  1. #21
    Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2017
    Location
    Near St Louis, MO, USA
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    34
    The story is fun, and the wordplay with names is comical.

    It was difficult for me to read, however, because it contains a lot of unnecessary/duplicated words and phrases that don't seem to move the story forward.

    This paragraph, hopefully, illustrates the points:

    The story goes that, She would put me in a cardboard box on the kitchen floor to sleep overnight. In the morning when she would wake up she would find me in her bed, snuggled up by her toes. This occurrence repeated itself the first couple of days she had me. I believe that I was too tiny to climb out of the box, let alone crawl the 20 feet or so of the long dark down the hallway to go or open her bedroom door. First of all, cats donít open doors and climb up beds that are at least a foot off the floor.
    to something like this:
    She put me in a box on the kitchen floor to sleep overnight. In the morning she would find me in her bed, snuggled up by her toes. This repeated itself the first couple of days she had me.
    See if that doesn't add some punch to the story.

    (one unfamiliar with cats are always surprised at what a kitten can get out of and how far it wanders, cats do open doors - see youtube for evidence, and a 12 inch jump/climb by a kitten is so easy a cave kitten can do it) [/QUOTE]

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QVPPLHfQEJo

    Overall and enjoyable story that might need some tightening up.

  2. #22
    Quote Originally Posted by Mike63031 View Post
    Cute!

    You migh consider using more action verbs, e.g. "...she died..." in place of "she is dead". Or "Middle aged Tiny Hass Ole lived alone..." in place of "Tiny Hass Ole was a middle aged man who lived alone..." .


    'Action verbs'???

    I think you are referring to active vs. passive voice, at least in the first example. Your example for the Tiny Hass Ole sentence has identical verb usage to the original - 'lived alone' occurs in both - so there is no real change to be made other than to syntax. However the syntax in the original form is grammatically fine and does not need changed...

  3. #23
    OP: This is a good piece. Funny and endearing. Yeah there's some basic editing needing done but overall, nice job.

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