Of Fire And Ice - A Young Adult Romance - Page 2


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Thread: Of Fire And Ice - A Young Adult Romance

  1. #11
    Do you think perhaps our kind and gentle OP would like comments on his work rather than have his thread turned into an advertisement for someone else's project?
    I was about to say the same thing, Jon M. I don't even recognise the relevance of the passages used.
    Sleep is for the weak, or sleep is for a week.
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    I write about anime and internet culture at Hidden Content

  2. #12
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    Do you think perhaps our kind and gentle OP would like comments on his work rather than have his thread turned into an advertisement for someone else's project?
    Perhaps,
    unless the OP needs examples of my comments on his work to make it clear.
    Apparently it wasn't clear when he wrote.

    I can't use somebody else's work. Copyrights, you know.

  3. #13
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    I don't even recognise the relevance of the passages used.


    I don't see the relevance of a piece of writing having meaning "external to it".

  4. #14
    Perhaps, unless the OP needs examples of my comments on his work to make it clear.
    Judging by the way that no-one else uses and advertises their own work to set examples in order to support their comments, I don't think it's necessary.

    Your advice is what they want. They'll take you at your word, unless they're bringing something you said up for further discussion. Even then, it looks bad to post whole chunks of your work.

    We're all writers who want to write our best - one person's work should not be used to trump another's, whether it does or doesn't.

    I think I've said enough on this matter.

    This:

    I don't see the relevance of a piece of writing having meaning "external to it"
    Is simply pointless. No need for this to get heated.

    And I don't want to de-rail krishenry's thread. I'll be sure to get a more substantial critique together in due course, krishenry.
    Sleep is for the weak, or sleep is for a week.
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    I write about anime and internet culture at Hidden Content

  5. #15
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    We're all writers who want to write our best - one person's work should not be used to trump another's, whether it does or doesn't.


    This is quibbling.

    Quibbling can go on forever. I will not engage.

  6. #16
    Cool. Back on the topic of past/present tense: Just noticed something.

    First of all, don't have the narrator use the present tense. It doesn't sound right.
    I’m Theresa
    Could you clarify what you meant, empresstheresa?
    Sleep is for the weak, or sleep is for a week.
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    I write about anime and internet culture at Hidden Content

  7. #17
    You are correct, I did have it in present tense to begin with, but she had said to make it past tense that it "made no sense" otherwise. So THAT part I did change, thinking it would be better. She's not the only one to say this. But I can revise it to be present again, if you like, it's no problem

    And again you're correct that she uses chunks of her work to critique my own. I agree that we all have our own writing style and this is mine. So what if I did a long thing on the grey/gray wolf? It's informative and adds to the chapter. I didn't even add in everything on them when I did it in my own words. And clearly she is not paying enough attention to my story because I had made perfectly clear that Becky was the one reading it, NOT the teacher.

    P.S.

    I am a girl

  8. #18
    Also noticed this:

    Been working on this story the last couple of days. My very first YA Romance story which I hope to one day publish and sell.
    For this to be a few days work, and your first go at YA romance, I can already feel you're very talented. Can't wait to get stuck in to critiquing this, krishenry!
    Last edited by Jeko; November 23rd, 2012 at 05:37 PM. Reason: whoops!
    Sleep is for the weak, or sleep is for a week.
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    I write about anime and internet culture at Hidden Content

  9. #19
    You are correct, I did have it in present tense to begin with, but she had said to make it past tense that it "made no sense" otherwise. So THAT part I did change, thinking it would be better. She's not the only one to say this. But I can revise it to be present again, if you like, it's no problem
    Please do. YA and present tense can be an unstoppable force in the hands of a good storyteller. Simply look at the success of the Hunger Games, Patrick Ness...

    P.S.

    I am a girl
    I'm a guy, even though Cadence is appartantly a girl's name...
    Sleep is for the weak, or sleep is for a week.
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    I write about anime and internet culture at Hidden Content

  10. #20
    Aww, thank you! I'm flattered you enjoy it so much! I aim to please!

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