Empress Theresa - what do you do with unlimited power ? - Page 19

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Thread: Empress Theresa - what do you do with unlimited power ?

  1. #181
    Quote Originally Posted by empresstheresa View Post
    I've only seen the kind of behavior I've seen on this forum outdone by one other forum,
    the atheist forum I joined for a short time,
    where anything goes no matter how outrageous,
    except reason.
    That doesn't answer my question. Why haven't you just said to yourself, "What a bunch of jerks!" and log out and never come back to this forum because we're a bunch of jerks and stay on that other forum you'd mentioned? You don't want our advice. You don't like our criticism. So why are you wasting your time here?
    Omit Needless Words.

  2. #182
    Keep the discussion on track. If you feel the discussion has run its course, let it die. There's no need to question another member's motives.
    “Fools” said I, “You do not know
    Silence like a cancer grows
    Hear my words that I might teach you
    Take my arms that I might reach you”
    But my words like silent raindrops fell
    And echoed in the wells of silence : Simon & Garfunkel


    Those who enjoy stirring the chamber-pot should be required to lick the spoon.

    Our job as writers is to make readers dream, to infiltrate their minds with our words and create a new reality; a reality not theirs, and not ours, but a new, unique combination of both.

    Visit Amazon and the Kindle Store to check out Reflections in a Black Mirror, and Chase

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  3. #183
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    Take the time to write it right.


    I’ve spent 19 years on Empress Theresa.


    Here’s a tiny fragment…………..


    How somebody might write it:


    ( The President of the United States answers reporters’s questions about 18 year old Theresa who is in her home in Massachusetts………..
    “......Can you say this girl won’t lose her temper if people criticize her and go on the rampage?”
    ......The President was surprised by the question and winged it.
    ......“It’s up to us to be fair to her. There’s nothing in her past that indicates she will do anything wrong. Everybody who knows her says she’s always been a good girl. I don’t think we have anything to worry about. Give her a chance.”

    How I wrote it:


    ( British Prime Minister Peter Blair addresses the House of Commons in a session of “Questions to the Prime Minister” while 18 year old American girl Theresa watches in a millionaire’s mansion close to London. He anticipated the weekly “Questions” routine for days and is prepared…… )


    ......A woman rose to pose a question no American politician would get away with. But this was not America.
    ......“Does the Prime Minister agree a man’s reaction to criticism is laughter while a woman’s reaction is unpredictable?”
    ......The House burst out in laughter. It liked nothing better than a loaded question and this one was a minefield. Blair milked the moment, looking around like he was afraid to answer. His expression was hilarious. Even Steve and I watching at the Parker residence were laughing. Finally, the PM got serious and paused. The world held its breath for twenty-seven seconds.
    ......“I understand your fears. What shall we do if a child leads us? And make no mistake, Theresa is younger then many of the children and grandchildren of the members of this House. Who are we dealing with? Will she change?
    ......“I say, Theresa’s interests and endeavors may change, but not her heart. It is too well-considered. It is written ‘worse than death is the life of a fool’, but we saw in my talk with her Theresa is no fool. ‘Woe to thee when your king is a child’ says the Good Book, but Theresa shows lack of response to recent ill events. ‘Brutus is at war with Brutus’ said Brutus in Julius Caesar. There is no war in Theresa. She knows what to do and does not struggle with her conscience. A woman who puts her trust in a higher power will be unchanged. Theresa will remain Theresa.”

    Last edited by empresstheresa; February 1st, 2013 at 04:03 AM.

  4. #184
    Really, I have no interest for how 'somebody' wrote anything. Whether this somebody is a member, someone you know, or anyone in the world, their work has nothing to do with your own.

    Whoever this somebody is, please stop posting their work.
    Sleep is for the weak, or sleep is for a week.
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    I write about anime and internet culture at Hidden Content

  5. #185
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    Really, I have no interest for how 'somebody' wrote anything. Whether this somebody is a member, someone you know, or anyone in the world, their work has nothing to do with your own.

    Whoever this somebody is, please stop posting their work.



    This is one of the most mysterious posts I've seen on this forum.
    I'm responsible for every word of the post you "responded" to.

    You missed the point entirely.
    The President version obscures an important point about Theresa
    while the Prime Minister Blair version, written with much more care, exposes this important point and expresses it with Old World eloquence ( which should at least please British readers
    )



  6. #186
    I'm responsible for every word of the post you "responded" to.
    You write a lot better when you're anonymous.

    My advice would be to stop trying hard to fulfil some kind of criteria, that which you may have created through style or outlining, and just write what comes to you. As proven above, it'll turn out as a better read.

    Oh, and entering your work into this website says you write like William Shakespeare and Mark Twain. I'd work on honing your style, and maybe experiment with different subjects. See what floats your boat. I'm staring to think YA isn't for you - you're not writing your way into the market, if you know what I mean.

    And the 'Old Word eloquence' is, for me, terribly written and completely unnecesaary. There is no evidence of the delicate art of rhetoric in the Presidents speech, and the inclusion of such references only worsens the impact. They are tagged on, not intricately woven into the delivery.
    Sleep is for the weak, or sleep is for a week.
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    I write about anime and internet culture at Hidden Content

  7. #187
    ET, have you considered taking a break from this novel? From what you've said, you've written several versions of it and it's done. You seem to be quite pleased with its current state and not interested in making any major changes to it. Maybe the best thing to do now is to set it aside and write something else. A short story or two, possibly. Learn as much as you can about writing, try to get some smaller publications so you have a better CV. Or you might want to take some time to read in your genre. From what you've posted on here, I get the impression you don't read many YA books. Cadence (and other WF members of his age group) could be a very good resource for you. He's smart and he reads a lot of books directed towards the YA market. If you asked, I bet he'd recommend some books he likes.

    Either way, my point is, maybe you need to get some mental and emotional distance from this novel in order to see it more clearly and/or market it more effectively.

  8. #188
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    I get the impression you don't read many YA books


    I'm well aware Empress Theresa isn't a typical YA book.

    Most YA books are like self-help books. They involve some personal problem of the main character: problems with girlfriends, boyfriends, lousy parents, drugs, bullying at school, and things like that.
    I suppose the writer is trying to teach the reader something if he cares, or just writing something for kids to pine over.

    Empress Theresa doesn't dwell on Theresa's internal problems or problems with people in her life. Theresa's problems come from the outside and she has to deal with them. Nevertheless, she is 18 to 19 through most of the story, so it's YA.

    I'm not sure if the phrase "Young Adult novel" was used in 1960 when Harper Lee published To Kill a Mockingbird. I suspect Lee meant it to be a mainstream novel for adult readers. ( In those days YA novels consisted of the Hardy Boys, Nancy Drew, and Trudy Nurse.
    ) But just last week a 19 year old girl told me she was assigned Mockingbird to read in the Freshman year of high school, the ninth grade, 14 year old kids, and she loved it. Today, most people would call it a YA book, although Scout doesn't have internal problems like in most YA books.

    ET, have you considered taking a break from this novel? From what you've said, you've written several versions of it and it's done. You seem to be quite pleased with its current state and not interested in making any major changes to it. Maybe the best thing to do now is to set it aside and write something else.
    Getting a book published can take more time and work than writing. I'm currently send out queries after a four month break.
    Does anybody around intend to get something published? The impression I get is that people just write as a hobby. In that case, it would make sense to move on to another project sometimes.
    Last edited by empresstheresa; February 1st, 2013 at 05:50 PM.

  9. #189
    Nevertheless, she is 18 to 19 through most of the story, so it's YA.
    No. YA is denoted by the style and use, not the age, of the characters. 'Carrie', for example, is not YA.
    Sleep is for the weak, or sleep is for a week.
    -------------------------------------------------------------
    I write about anime and internet culture at Hidden Content

  10. #190
    Quote Originally Posted by Cadence View Post
    No. YA is denoted by the style and use, not the age, of the characters. 'Carrie', for example, is not YA.
    Neither is To Kill A Mockingbird.
    “Fools” said I, “You do not know
    Silence like a cancer grows
    Hear my words that I might teach you
    Take my arms that I might reach you”
    But my words like silent raindrops fell
    And echoed in the wells of silence : Simon & Garfunkel


    Those who enjoy stirring the chamber-pot should be required to lick the spoon.

    Our job as writers is to make readers dream, to infiltrate their minds with our words and create a new reality; a reality not theirs, and not ours, but a new, unique combination of both.

    Visit Amazon and the Kindle Store to check out Reflections in a Black Mirror, and Chase

    Hidden Content






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