Empress Theresa - what do you do with unlimited power ? - Page 16

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Thread: Empress Theresa - what do you do with unlimited power ?

  1. #151
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    antithesis wrote:

    You may recall that very early on I asked that the thread be locked up.
    If that's the case, PM a moderator and that should be the end of it.
    Actually, lately it has become kind of fun to put down all the put downs being thrown at my story.

    When I see Cadence's version of Theresa's story in post 138,
    I know I have something good in the publication trail.

  2. #152
    Quote Originally Posted by empresstheresa View Post
    I never said that. Theresa is never destructive.

    Theresa needs Steve's moral support because she is under tremendous pressure, and in England where she is alone among strangers.
    I read your chapter outline, Norm. The first couple problems she has to solve is because of her own bungling. Actually, initially it's because of that atom bomb thing because HAL stops all the wind. I don't know how that would help, but it does and then she has to do things to solve that problem which later become problems of their own that she has to solve, and then those solutions become even more problems. So there's global catastrophes all because Theresa isn't very god at this unlimited power thing. Or there should have been. You tended to ignore the effect her actions would take, like when she watered crops with salt water and filled the air with xenon gas so we all suffocate. But that's fixable.

    Frankly, I think you should embrace that element of your story. It answers the question in the subject line of this thread much better than anything else you've shown us.

    What would you do with unlimited power?

    Fail. Most likely fail embarrassingly badly.

    Make your story about that. It's already there, anyway. Just focus on that more and it'll be an appealing story for kids because kids can relate to someone who fails all the time.

  3. #153
    I just realized that it may sound like I'm mocking you, but I am sincere in this.

    I had said before that the only interest element in your story is how Theresa controls HAL. That HAL is a likely unintelligent being that causes stuff to happen as a kind of reflex or defensive mechanism to protect its host, so Theresa has to find ways to trigger those reflexes to get HAL to do what she wants it to. If you focus on her trying to figure out clever ways to accomplish this, it would make your story into something unique and worthwhile.

    That can be wed to the larger, global problems. She tries to get HAL to fix something, but it overcompensates. So she has to correct it, but HAL overdoes it the other way. This would make the most interesting idea in your story central to all of the drama and action.

    When I'd first heard about your story, I had toyed with the idea of writing a story like Empress Theresa but good to show you up. As I learned more about what your story was about, I gave up on that idea because I couldn't see making that work at all, so to make a good story would require a mostly new idea. Well, I was wrong. Doing the above would give you a much more compelling story while still retaining the global disaster plot you already have. You may have to give up on the North Korean part and Theresa's solution to the Middle East conflict. Those parts didn't fit with the previous "natural" disasters, anyway.

  4. #154
    I read your version of Theresa's story in post 138.
    It has absolutely nothing to do with my story. It's as different as The Andromeda Strain and Gone With the Wind.
    Exactly. It's a completely different take on the core idea that holds your book together. Trying to write with it would be a fantastic exercise for us both.

    What I'm offering is a chance for us to exchange advice more usefully, and a rare one at that. That you find it 'fun to put down all the put downs being thrown at my story.' shows how stupid this situation is. e need to get out of it.

    My ultimatum: take my opportunity, or I'll leave this conversation, work on my version of the story, and probably get closer to publishing it. Why? Because I listen to advice - and the advice you're giving me is to get the hell out of here while I still have some of my free time left.
    Sleep is for the weak, or sleep is for a week.
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    I write about anime and internet culture at Hidden Content

  5. #155
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    Just to demonstrate how completely wrong all these "suggestions" intended to help me "improve" my story are, I'll respond to a few comments. It's fun.

    [QUOTE]I read your chapter outline, Norm. The first couple problems she has to solve is because of her own bungling. Actually, initially it's because of that atom bomb thing because HAL stops all the wind. I don't know how that would help, but it does and then she has to do things to solve that problem which later become problems of their own that she has to solve, and then those solutions become even more problems. []/QUOTE]

    Neither Theresa nor Steve, or anybody for that matter, anticipated the the thermal expansion of water. When everybody's life is on the line, who worries about a few feet of water! Anybody, the problem is easily fixed.

    The next problem is completely unexpected and unpredictable. Whatever it was that HAL did to the atmosphere to stop the wind is dissipating. Unfortunately, the timing couldn't be worse. Winter is coming, a year's food crop has been lost, and Theresa can't return everything back to original conditions without killing at least half a billion people. This is the problem which makes her complain, "What am I supposed to do, change the laws of physics? This is the most impossible problem yet."
    So there's global catastrophes all because Theresa isn't very god at this unlimited power thing. Or there should have been. You tended to ignore the effect her actions would take, like when she watered crops with salt water and filled the air with xenon gas so we all suffocate. But that's fixable.
    She never watered crops with salt water. The North Pole "continuous explosion" strips atoms of electrons. Protons are propelled in all directions at thousands of miles an hour and recombine with oxygen over half the world. The heavier elements are thrown out at a much lower speeds and fall into the Arctic ocean.

    It's only the partial pressure of oxygen that matters. Whatever else is in the air doesn't matter. The normal PPO2 is 120 mm Hg. ( Commercial jet planes maintain a cabin pressure PPO2 of 80 which is good enough. ) Theresa's xenon adds 5 ounces to the normal atmospheric pressure of 14.7 pounds per square inch. If she'd added twenty times as much xenon it wouldn't change PPO2.

    I have three college degrees in the sciences, antithesis. No use trying to attack my story through science.

  6. #156
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    My ultimatum: take my opportunity, or I'll leave this conversation, work on my version of the story, and probably get closer to publishing it.
    1. By.

    2. Don't forget copyright laws, Cadence. I've left a paper trail all over the internet going back years, and I told some people elements of the story when you were in diapers.
    Publishers don't spend millions of dollars to print a book without checking histories and backgrounds. And if somebody is found playing hanky panky their name is mud forever. My suggestion: don't try it.

  7. #157
    Since you seem you disregard the advice of every person that offers to help, I'd be suprised to ever see it on the shelf.

    The plot is muddled and fairly uninteresting, I feel as though your intent is to tell us how your writing makes us feel when we read it instead of actualy improving it, and I have yet to find any emotional depth in your story, despite what you continue to describe to us outside of the actual prose.

    "It's only falling in love because you hit the ground."- "I Appear Missing", Queens of the Stone Age

    "She lingers beneath the dying moonbeams; glass in hand, struggling to stand, and in her eyes the universe gleams." - Lady of the Moment

    [Hidden Content ] - Always appreciative of a critique.




  8. #158
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    I have yet to find any emotional depth in your story
    Any emotional depth in The Andromeda Strain? It was a big hit.

    How about 2001: A Space Odyssey?

    In my story, Theresa faces "certain death" in chapter four, President Martin commits suicide, mothers hold their doomed children "wondering why this horror was happening", Theresa whines and complains, Theresa nearly panics when the nuclear missile is launched, Theresa cries, Theresa steps out in front of four million North Koreans, Theresa is paralyzed. Enough emotion for you?
    Last edited by empresstheresa; December 17th, 2012 at 04:42 PM.

  9. #159
    Irrelevant. Your story is not either of those.

    "It's only falling in love because you hit the ground."- "I Appear Missing", Queens of the Stone Age

    "She lingers beneath the dying moonbeams; glass in hand, struggling to stand, and in her eyes the universe gleams." - Lady of the Moment

    [Hidden Content ] - Always appreciative of a critique.




  10. #160
    Eighteen years ago, I had the kernel of an idea for a story that would mean something. It wasn't until three years ago that I had the problems worked out in my mind and actually started writing it.
    The point is you are claiming that your story is deep and comparable to "To Kill a Mocking Bird." It isn't. Anyone can throw a moral or a meaning into their story, it isn't difficult. That alone doesn't mean it is intelligent or well written, or that it will be bought for millions of dollars.

    "It's only falling in love because you hit the ground."- "I Appear Missing", Queens of the Stone Age

    "She lingers beneath the dying moonbeams; glass in hand, struggling to stand, and in her eyes the universe gleams." - Lady of the Moment

    [Hidden Content ] - Always appreciative of a critique.




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