Perplex


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Thread: Perplex

  1. #1

    Perplex

    I'm gonna add some more to it but here's what I have so far. Any advice would be awesome.


    Is there any way you can say that to where it might make sense to me?
    'Cause honestly I have no clue what it is you want me to see.
    You say I'm blind to what is there. I guess that may be true.
    But I think it would send me to my grave if I saw everything like you.

    I'm writing some lyrics for my brand-new song. Do you want to know how it goes?
    A verse and a chorus and a repetitious bridge. Once I got there, that's when my mind froze.
    It all sounds good inside my head, but the paper just stares me down.
    But then I write down my thoughts and a breeze rolls in and my mind is blown all over town.

    Can you believe what you don't understand?
    Can you be guided by unsteady hands?
    Do you still remember what I used to be?
    I escaped but somehow that don't make me free.


    Is it one of those days where I have to be a man and not a child?
    I could try to speak what's on my mind or pretend I'm just not dialed.
    Could it be we're all just plummeting along in this sick and fallen place?
    Or is the hand of God under all of us as I cover up my face?

  2. #2
    The Black Goat Nemesis's Avatar
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    The first line of the first verse is extremely clumsy and hard to read, but compounding that is that the entire first verse doesn't sound like it belongs with the rest of the piece.

    When reading I find myself stumbling along a few of the lines because I can't find the beat behind it. It needs to be tightened.

    I'm writing some lyrics for my brand-new song. Do you want to know how it goes?
    A verse and a chorus and a repetitious bridge. Once I got there, that's when my mind froze.
    It all sounds good inside my head, but the paper just stares me down.
    But then I write down my thoughts and a breeze rolls in and my mind is blown all over town.
    I liked this verse up untill the last line. It was long and doesn't read as easy as the second line (which I love my the way)






  3. #3
    You know, I tried several times already to modify it and fit it with some music, but it wasn't working. This is going to stay a poem.

  4. #4
    The Black Goat Nemesis's Avatar
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    I've been there =P






  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by Noxicity View Post
    I've been there =P
    Maybe one day it'll hit me.

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