An arguement


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Thread: An arguement

  1. #1

    An arguement

    (Warning: some graphic descriptions of violence.)

    Mistress Reaperess,

    She is the slayer of thousands; young ant old; female, male; even the Great Mothers…

    No! Not again. They… must… die!

    Have you no pity? I ask. They cause no injury; they leave no trace. Surely, this must count for something?

    They enter my domain. They injure me by their mere presence. It is an insult. That's enough.


    I would use whatever it takes and kill them by any means. Chemical warfare is effective. Gas them, poison them, with the strongest available, but you complain; you… snivel.


    Your weapons are too effective, too pervasive. Aren’t you worried about consequences, about rebound and collateral damage? Can’t you smell it? Can’t you taste it? You poison our home, our whole environment. It’s not safe. Damages the DNA. Brings on the cancer. I only think of us--

    Fine! Mix me my elixir. Bring me my baits. Get your powders and blend them, or I will bring out the cans…


    Okay, I will, but you understand the effects? You know how it kills? Sugar and borax; it’s like giving infected blankets to the Indians. They carry it back to their homes. They feed it to their young. Untold thousands, maybe even millions, are killed, in the most horrific of manners. The crystals...they reform in their guts, like shards of glass, or razorblades, slicing and dicing, from the inside.

    So what? They’re dirty. They bring their filth into my…


    Not true! They’re clean. They’re not roaches. Thousands of them, and you’ve never seen a trail of poop. That’s because they are meticulous, down to the smallest bit. They have to be; otherwise their colonies would die of disease. They… clean! They’re like thousands of tiny vacuums…

    I’ll do my own cleaning, thank you. Speaking of which, how long has it been? You can start here, with the vacuuming. Chop, chop…
    Last edited by Kevin; September 22nd, 2012 at 06:26 PM.

  2. #2
    Member Alukard's Avatar
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    The two things that made me chuckle are the word "snivel" and "chop chop", probably because I am young is why I didn't laugh so much but, I was pretty confused as to what is going on, maybe that's supposed to be a funny factor also :p.

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Alukard View Post
    The two things that made me chuckle are the word "snivel" and "chop chop", probably because I am young is why I didn't laugh so much but, I was pretty confused as to what is going on, maybe that's supposed to be a funny factor also :p.
    It's definitely a 'phase of life'- the married phase, where you argue about things. I just don't take it too seriously. It's an exageration. In this case the woman is the 'Mistress' of the house, I am reduced to simply her assistant. We have issues with differing opinions on ants, poison, tactics, technique, morality...all in good fun. Thanks for the read.
    Last edited by Kevin; October 3rd, 2012 at 01:16 AM.

  4. #4
    Hi Kevin,
    I think our definition of funny is at odds. The rather nasty deaths seem to put rather a downer on it.

    It is well written. Technical and concept wise. I just couldn't find a joke.

    Ah well, it takes all sorts so they say.
    Bazz

  5. #5
    She talking about ants right? I thought it was funny, but could be pulled off a little better.

    "It's only falling in love because you hit the ground."- "I Appear Missing", Queens of the Stone Age

    "She lingers beneath the dying moonbeams; glass in hand, struggling to stand, and in her eyes the universe gleams." - Lady of the Moment

    [Hidden Content ] - Always appreciative of a critique.




  6. #6
    @bazz- born odd, so I've been told. My choices: 1. be quite, and continue the daily grind. 2. go with it, and hope that some tiniest few might be entertained(or not) I don't squish spiders, either.(crypto-hindu?)
    @ noxy- I luv your avatars more than I should(shut up, kevin! wut? they're artistic...) Anyway, I was going for the heroic/mythic/classical/romantic and sarcastic vibe. Thank you both for even bothering . My writing struggles continue...

  7. #7
    Member InSickHealth's Avatar
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    When I first read this, I thought it was supposed to be posted in the horror section, but was still interested. Maybe it was some evil queen or something... I still didn't follow the sugar and borax (haven't had to deal with roach extermination). Then this massive, horrific genocide is suddenly revealed to be a roach infestation. I love it when a story throws me for a loop. Thanks for the read!
    I often find myself to be insanely jealous of my own life. I'm not quite sure what this means, but I know that it's nothing short of awesome!

  8. #8
    I think it specified that they weren't roaches, that's why I said ants ^^' its true they are pretty tidy

    "It's only falling in love because you hit the ground."- "I Appear Missing", Queens of the Stone Age

    "She lingers beneath the dying moonbeams; glass in hand, struggling to stand, and in her eyes the universe gleams." - Lady of the Moment

    [Hidden Content ] - Always appreciative of a critique.




  9. #9
    Noxy's right. Argentine ants. The scourge of the kitchen and bath. Invaders from S. America.
    Last edited by Kevin; October 27th, 2012 at 05:52 PM.

  10. #10
    It isn't directly funny, but on a second reading when I 'got' it I chuckled. I like the telling, but maybe give a give sarcastic putdowns to one of them? Or maybe that wasn't your purpose.

    In any case I liked the phrasing of a homely problem in grand political language. Smart.

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