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Thread: Write A Eulogy

  1. #81
    Quote Originally Posted by mrmustard615 View Post
    ...over with a bulldozer and a steamroller...
    I just want to interject that I love the image of an insane muppet running me over with a bulldozer. Then he parks the bulldozer nearby, turns off the ignition, gets out, and walks over to a steamroller. He fires up that engine, then runs me over again.

    Just to be sure.
    If you ever need a second set of eyes on your work, PM me for a critique! I'm happy to help Hidden Content

  2. #82
    Quote Originally Posted by Bishop View Post
    I just want to interject that I love the image of an insane muppet running me over with a bulldozer. Then he parks the bulldozer nearby, turns off the ignition, gets out, and walks over to a steamroller. He fires up that engine, then runs me over again.

    Just to be sure.

    Or he can run you over with both at the same time. He's pretty magical that way
    Hidden Content

    Hey, check out Gertie's blog on her favorite top twenty-five albums between 1955-2017 Hidden Content


    And twice a week I'm posting my memoirs of Mom for anyone who wants to take a look

    Hidden Content

  3. #83
    Sweep away your sorrows, my dears, for the great Master Mustard does not pass into the woeful kilns of hell, but instead through the rosy gates of Heav'n herself, where he dwells in the bosom of the angels, crowned and garbed in their same illumination. Whence the cry goes up from God's own guard, "Hath we imbibed the Magic Potion? Can we dream within this dream that a being of such grace can walked amongst us even now that God's own son has passed through these gates already?"

    Alas, while we have lost such a glow by the Hand of Him, shall we strive ever more to reach those heights upon which sits the cornerstone of our Master Mustard's new palace. Never shall we want for more than to meet him and his Creator with the harps plucked long in homage to the great deeds of our deceased, our remembered. Shall we clutch those memories that he left upon this Earth as he now holds close the Cherubs of the star-strewn fortress of the Almighty.

    Words:
    1. Pickle.
    2. Earmuffs.
    Hidden Content at SPANK the CARP Fiction and Poetry

  4. #84
    In light of the great sacrifice he made for us all, we gather here to celebrate the thepancreas11, Pank, and his heroically-quick thinking that saved us from the worst of the great pickle disaster, 2014.

    None of us were happy when that pickle factory suddenly opened on the edge of town. Nothing had occupied that site on the hill since it was decommissioned but, try as we might, no better place could be found to mitigate the stench of bottling vinegar, and so the lucrative business was accommodated. But when rumours began about genetic engineering we, as a town, drew the line and marched up to that factory to have words. We tried everything to get through the factory doors that day -- gripping them with a teatowel, banging the edges against a tabletop -- but they wouldn't open, even a little, and the route to complaint remained firmly shut. Some of you may remember that Pank was among us that day, as stalwart an objector as the next man and a committed 'Keep Our Pickles Green' campaigner. How sad, then, that this should have happened to one so dedicated.

    Last Sunday morning, as he was wont to do, Pank was dancing atop the climbing frame in the local park, scaring off the kids as he jived to the tunes of Atomic Kitten. It was a cold, icy day, the roads were frozen and the going was slow all over town. Most people had just called a snow-day and gone home, but Pank had stayed in the park, with his headphones in and his PowerPuff earmuffs pulled tight over them. He didn't stand a chance. High on the hill above town, the factory doors began to tremble, cracks emerged and vinegar trickled out, leaking down the road and freezing over. Finally, with one big crack, the doors splintered open and a gigantic pickle slid out. Those who saw it say it was as big as a house, others a ship. The only thing they agree on is what happened to Pank. The pickle slid down the hill, building speed, then down the main street and straight for the park. The kids jeering at Pank's rendition of 'Whole Again' scattered as it approached. The pickle breached the picket fence, running straight for the adventure playground, but Pank was oblivious. Only when the giant pickle drove through the climbing frame lifting it, complete with Pank, onto its back, did he notice something was wrong. Riding high on the pickle, the climbing frame forming a makeshift saddle, the last time we saw Pank he was whirling his earmuffs above his head yelling 'Yeehaw!' as he rode the pickle safely round our homes and out of town. Last we heard, he was still on that pickle heading towards the sea. Where it will end, nobody knows, but whilst the vinegar still flows, we remember.


    Next: 1.Trojan horse 2. Glitter ball.
    Last edited by Gargh; October 23rd, 2014 at 12:16 PM.
    “Be happy with what you have and are, be generous with both, and you won't have to hunt for happiness.”



  5. #85
    Gargh and I always knew it would end, but not like this. We were meant to go out together, but alas...

    When preparing for the Civil War reenactment where we use real laser guns--you know, to up the stakes?--Gargh had the brilliant idea of using a Trojan horse to invade the Yanks at Gettysburg. Well, I can tell you, it took us all night to set up that horse, and we used a lot of elmer's glue and glitter balls. But... I dont know, maybe those darn Yanks just had read the Illiad. Or the Odyssey, or the Homer Simpson--I don't really know. But they saw us coming, brother. They took in the horse and then threw it into a lake, shot it with lasers, then set it on fire with black oil. Gargh didn't make it, but I'm glad to say I escaped with 25% of my limbs in full working order. The rest of my limbs... well, they're Gargh's now.

    Next: 1) Smartphone 2) Smartbomb
    If you ever need a second set of eyes on your work, PM me for a critique! I'm happy to help Hidden Content

  6. #86
    Ha! I always thought I'd go that way. Make the lake radioactive and I'm in heaven... or not...!

    Quote Originally Posted by Bishop View Post
    Gargh and I always knew it would end, but not like this. We were meant to go out together, but alas...

    When preparing for the Civil War reenactment where we use real laser guns--you know, to up the stakes?--Gargh had the brilliant idea of using a Trojan horse to invade the Yanks at Gettysburg. Well, I can tell you, it took us all night to set up that horse, and we used a lot of elmer's glue and glitter balls. But... I dont know, maybe those darn Yanks just had read the Illiad. Or the Odyssey, or the Homer Simpson--I don't really know. But they saw us coming, brother. They took in the horse and then threw it into a lake, shot it with lasers, then set it on fire with black oil. Gargh didn't make it, but I'm glad to say I escaped with 25% of my limbs in full working order. The rest of my limbs... well, they're Gargh's now.

    Next: 1) Smartphone 2) Smartbomb
    “Be happy with what you have and are, be generous with both, and you won't have to hunt for happiness.”



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