Standing Still (EDIT)


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Thread: Standing Still (EDIT)

  1. #1

    Standing Still (EDIT)

    Alone on our porch, I watch the dawn stretch,
    pull back her misty bedding and arise–

    I’m unsure of her greeting
    and whether I am meeting friend or foe.
    But having paid your price, I feel
    I have earned the right to stasis.

    For ten long years you have marched
    with blowing horn, beating
    a worn-out drum– and still
    these walls stand between us.

    It seems you are not Joshua–
    and it will take much more
    than a day
    to slay my Amorites.
    There is no life I know
    To compare with pure imagination.
    Living there you’ll be free
    If you truly wish to be.~ Willy Wonka

  2. #2
    "I have earned the right to stasis"

    That line captures the bleakness of the poem. Ten years wrapped up in fourteen lines. Sad.
    “Fools” said I, “You do not know
    Silence like a cancer grows
    Hear my words that I might teach you
    Take my arms that I might reach you”
    But my words like silent raindrops fell
    And echoed in the wells of silence : Simon & Garfunkel


    Those who enjoy stirring the chamber-pot should be required to lick the spoon.

    Our job as writers is to make readers dream, to infiltrate their minds with our words and create a new reality; a reality not theirs, and not ours, but a new, unique combination of both.

    Visit Amazon and the Kindle Store to check out Reflections in a Black Mirror, and Chase

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  3. #3
    excellent work Gumby and I agree with Terry D about that single line quoted. Perfect lines resonate. This is still resonating in me, bringing back the time we lost our darkling son. Great lines do that.

  4. #4
    Thank you, Terry. This poem was written in the spirit of our Anniversary Challenge and yes, it is bleak. Seems that emotion touches all our lives.

    Danny, thank you for your kind words. Just the thought of losing a child is unbearable, I'm sorry to have revisited that bleakness on you, but I am glad you commented here.
    There is no life I know
    To compare with pure imagination.
    Living there you’ll be free
    If you truly wish to be.~ Willy Wonka

  5. #5
    I like it. Very well written and makes me feel as ticked off as the writer when I read it. Great job.
    Last edited by Bachelorette; September 19th, 2012 at 02:43 PM.

  6. #6
    The title is clever with its allusions to the walls of Jericho still standing.

    You excellently convey the sorrow of the stagnant relationship but the optimism/positivity is still there below the surface. Your character is also still standing.

    The third stanza was stand out although the first was a little cliched.

    Thanks for the read.
    Last edited by Aramis; September 20th, 2012 at 05:09 PM. Reason: typo

  7. #7
    I'm trying to piece this poem together.

    I think its very well written and I enjoyed reading it. I read it about 3 times in rapid succession trying to figure out the subject. I even had to undergo a little history lesson to understand the biblical references, so thank you for motivating me towards self education!

    If I had to throw it all together into a very short summation, I'd say this is a poem about frustration with a long time partner. That's my interpretation at least ha ha.

  8. #8
    Thank you, Namba, glad you enjoyed.

    Aramis, thank you for the read and comments, they are very much appreciated.

    Glass Pencil, I'm glad you were intrigued enough to do a little research. That's a wonderful thing about poetry, you can pick up something from each poem and I'm always interested to see how different people interpret the meaning. Thank you.
    There is no life I know
    To compare with pure imagination.
    Living there you’ll be free
    If you truly wish to be.~ Willy Wonka

  9. #9
    My first thought was why isn't this in the challenge?
    Then I remembered the rule ...

    I thought it was well done - I like it.
    "I don't know ... I'm making it up as I go ..." - Dr I Jones

    Nature abhors perfection - cats abhor a vacuum!

    "Faith can move mountains - she's a big girl!" (unknown/graffiti)

    If I act like I own the place, it's because I did.





  10. #10
    Thank you Cran. It's a good rule, I think.

    I've done an edit on the first stanza:


    Standing Still

    Alone on our porch, I watch the dawn stretch

    her bright hand across the sky–

    I’m unsure of her greeting
    and whether I am meeting friend or foe.
    But having paid your price, I feel
    I have earned the right to stasis.

    For ten long years you have marched
    with blowing horn, beating
    a worn-out drum– and still
    these walls stand between us.

    It seems you are not Joshua–
    and it will take much more
    than a day
    to slay my Amorites.
    There is no life I know
    To compare with pure imagination.
    Living there you’ll be free
    If you truly wish to be.~ Willy Wonka

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