A Modern Tragedy (short film)


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Thread: A Modern Tragedy (short film)

  1. #1

    A Modern Tragedy (short film)

    A Modern Tragedy - YouTube

    I had an idea of a non-linear story line about a man's last act of revenge. I have a Canon T3i dslr camera. So, instead of writing a short story about it, I decided to film it. I wrote the short script and had my friend Justen help with the narration(I know it could've used more). It's just me behind the camera. I shot it in about three hours. Took a while to edit it and put the score to it though. All in all it was a fun process and experiment. I plan on doing more short films now while I work on my first full length book. Any thoughts on it would be much appreciated. Thanks!

  2. #2
    Anyone else trying to film their own short stories?

  3. #3
    Saw the link to the short and followed...

    The good: It's mostly in focus.

    The bad: You're missing a story, acting, drama and pace. It's actually pretty impressive how thoroughly bad it is... but it's a start.

    If you're serious about getting better... and you can really only get better from this point... reshoot it and don't go over five minutes.

    Except this time use actors, which will force you to write dialog and cut out all walking/driving to and from stuff and all standing around and staring at stuff.
    Create DRAMA between characters. This will make your writing better.

    Be specific. Everything in your short is a generalized cliche that I've seen a thousand times. You obviously want to make a narrative, so make one. Create characters and please don't act in your movies anymore. Find friends that want to act and use them... or go to an amateur theater group when you've written the script and see whose interested.


    Before you even put your camera on a tripod or shoot a single frame of video, ask yourself whose perspective the camera is taking. Is it a character's... yours?
    Only then, when you've answered that question, start shooting. Your framing, camera placement (except for the end) and camera movement is arbitrary.


    Forget the sound effects and music. Create tension and drama through written dialog performed by motivated actors.
    This will make you a better writer.


    The only way to get better is to just keep doing, so just go out and do it.

    -
    J
    Last edited by Tiamat; June 9th, 2013 at 05:47 AM.

  4. #4
    Wow man, thanks Soo much for the awesome, constructive criticism. Tell me, did u watch or hear what my brother,the actor, not me( as it plainly says in the end) said in the narration? Or were you just sooo anxious to bad mouth it. Anyway, thanks bud for watching

  5. #5
    In all honesty, I gave up on the short about a minute in and then scrubbed through to the end.

    I make films and tv shows for a living.

    I've joined this forum because I'm starting a novel and need feedback and advice on something I don't usually do or understand that well.

    If someone here wants to get better at something that I understand...movies...and they want feedback, I'll chip in with some thoughts.

    Sorry if it came off as badmouthing. I just call it like I see it.

  6. #6
    Hi, Dave!

    Congratulations on your short!
    I thought it was very thought-provocing and you did create a mood and tension. The music worked well as a transition, though I think it's be cool if it was a flowing transition from one piece to the next (at least sometimes). The driving, walking and looking also worked for me because that in itself makes me curious as to what's going to happen.
    About the drama... not every movie has to have drama between characters. There are many ways of getting a point across.

    Don't be discouraged - and keep filming!

    The idea of filming my own work has popped up a few times, but I'm lacking time and people to pull through with it (I'm not that good with prose, so there's a lot of dialogue).

    Good luck with your book!

    - Avery
    'Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long." - Ogden Nash

  7. #7
    Thanks so much Avery, very appreciated!

  8. #8
    Personally I think it could do with less narrative/voiceover, not more. I quite like the fact that it shuttles backwards and forwards in time, and what's going on isn't fully spelt out, which makes us work a little bit to try to guess, and that has the effect of drawing us in. The narrative is a bit pretentious, and delivered in rather a lifeless way. But not bad at all for a first effort, and the "just keep doing it" advice that everybody else is giving you is absolutely right.

  9. #9
    Thanks ed, appreciate it man

  10. #10
    That's really good considering it only took you three hours. But, if you're serious about filmmaking and photography, you should buy a Mark III. Anyway, I loved the monologue but man...I'm sorry but the T3i is so outdated. You had some good shots but all of them were ruined by the horrible quality of the T3i. Get a better camera and you'll have gold dude. Nice work.

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