StarCrossed Lovers (short)

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 13

Thread: StarCrossed Lovers (short)

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Canada BC Kelowna

    StarCrossed Lovers (short)

    This was actually a dream i had a long time ago, i woke up and ran downstairs to my laptop and had to write it down.

    Star Crossed Lovers
    The evening was late, moments before twilight graced the heavens with its majestic display of brilliant hues and tones, which would harmonize with the sky only briefly, before giving way for the tranquility the darkness had to offer in its distinctive form. The sky flashed momentarily, a roar and a hiss disrupted the silence, but then all was soundless again.
    A gentle breeze drifted carelessly through the lofty timbers and into the spacious meadows, persuading the tall blades of grass to dance rhythmically as if choreographed by some higher meaning.
    Just outside of the tree line stood a tall, lone figure. The soft warm, breeze wafting his lengthy auburn hair over his broad shoulders. His firm bare chest rose and fell as he inhaled the sweet fragrance of the evening. His luminous, green eyes, lingered up to the celestial demonstration that was taking place.
    He truly didn’t comprehend what had propelled him to this spot. He wasn’t even aware at what he had been doing prior to this moment. His mind was a complete blank, but oddly this did not hinder him.
    The last of the miraculous shades had almost faded, and now gleaming fragments began littering the heavens. A shooting star flashed across the sky so close he was sure he could have touched it. His eyes glanced back to the quiet meadow and immediately they transfixed on the solitary figure that now stood in the midst of dancing grasses. The other figure seemed as perplexed as he was that there was someone else out here on this enchanting night.
    He could tell the figure was female. Her form was refined and petite and her straight, long, tanned hair shimmered in the radiant light of the moon. The placid wind tossed her long, fluid, sapphire dress carelessly around, hugging her flawless curves.
    His heartbeats quickened as he was mesmerized by the very essence of her. He had to wonder if by some coincidence, she was the reason that had compelled him here. He soon realized the distance between them was diminishing. It was then he recognize that it was he that was walking towards her. To his surprise she seemed to welcome his quest to her with an intrigued, timid smirk.
    His feet stopped him all of two arm lengths away. He could now see her in her full splendour. Her cheeks were flush with flattery and aspiration. Her lips were full and silky and she bit her bottom lip in a hidden ache of yearning. Her fair bronze eyes lock with his unyielding and welcoming all in one.
    As if orchestrated they both took the remaining step forward, closing the gap between them. As if by instinct beyond her control her palms slid up, coming to rest upon his chest. Her fingertips were cool on his skin and almost caused him to gasp. His left hand came up and caressed her cheek and his fingers entangled themselves in the lengths of hair that poured over her elegant ear. Her body gave way to a diminutive quiver and tiny bumps cascaded down her neck and shoulders, defeating the barriers of her dress straps and continuing down to her bare arms. She gasped slightly, her eyes intensifying with urges beyond her comprehension.
    He watched her eyes dance and twinkle and he deciphered a long story that needn’t a single spoken word. She too had been compelled to this very clearing this evening but a nameless force.
    Her lips moved as if she was about to speak, but stopped, wondering what there really was to say. Instead her hands continued up his chest and around his neck, pulling him forward. Their lips met in an entanglement of passion and unspoken desire. The untainted, devotion of the kiss ignited the unlocking of a chronicle older then time. The kiss, a key of unfathomable power, releasing the minds of two immortal beings… two lovers. True love cursed forever by pure jealousy, life times before.
    Their lips parted and their eyes connected. So many things to say, and yet never the time in their few short moments to have and to hold. Unspoken words that their voices could never find poured through the emotion glimmering in their eyes. Another century past, another moment lived…
    A sudden flash of blinding light erupted, leaving the grassy clearing vacant. As fast as it had occurred it had ended, leaving no trace it had ever taken place behind, save one. Two stars in the sky the shone brighter than the rest. Two star-crossed lovers whose love was forsaken…

  2. #2
    Member Cody's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    All over North America
    This seems familiar XD. I think romance is a nice home for this.

  3. #3
    The description was a bit overkill and in certain spots vague (e.g. lingering up to, and cheeks flush with flattery and aspiration). Paring down the description, using more judicious adjectives would bring your concept more to the fore as well. It sounds like a dream, but it's too sappy for my tastes, but then so is Nicholas Sparks ;P

  4. #4
    Overall okay piece. I loved how you used so much description in your piece. You can picture it with little thought at all, like a movie playing threw your head as you eyes scan the words. Sadly, I had to stop reading I couldn't stand the over usage of his, he. They seemed to repeat and repeat always marking the beginning of a sentence. I know you will have a amazing piece of work if you change around the sentence structure. Happy writing

  5. #5
    Member jamie's's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    E. Europe
    A nice depiction of a couple possibly in love...

  6. #6
    wow, this was so pretty, and i liked your choice of words in your description's. the small story makes you interested to know if there was more or a history to lead to this point.

  7. #7
    I wish I could be that descriptive...Excellent choice of words. What happened that they knew each other lifetimes before and were jealous and cursed?

  8. #8
    I did not see the ending coming! Nice surprise, Red-James. I appreciated the imagery, although I have to agree with Trent13 about the adjectives. There seemed to be a pattern of [adjective, adjective, noun], or at least enough of one that I became distracted by the pattern and as a result, less focused on the content. Also, I've never heard of hair being tanned. Thank you for sharing this excerpt. I'm curious about what caused this dilemma and how they will solve it!

    --Cara Stone

  9. #9
    Your description really sets the scene...I could picture it all in my head. Very romantic.

  10. #10
    Very good. Really enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Tags for this Thread


Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
This website uses cookies
We use cookies to store session information to facilitate remembering your login information, to allow you to save website preferences, to personalise content and ads, to provide social media features and to analyse our traffic. We also share information about your use of our site with our social media, advertising and analytics partners.