Use this line in a poem. - Page 2


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Thread: Use this line in a poem.

  1. #11
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    the lady is tenacious
    but daring and curvatious
    she is in some dimensions
    be careful not to wake her
    unless it is temptatious
    be sure to have it dated
    intentions are contention
    be ready to receive it
    when she gets up to read it
    the lock is in the tension
    the details are perfection
    the lady is now in waiting
    the senses are delightfull
    the news are of exceptions
    ellation and ovation
    are in order of mention.






    next line: redistribute the thoughts
    Last edited by Nacian; October 8th, 2011 at 04:34 PM.

  2. #12
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    Nacian, no time for a poem now, but just want to say I like what you did with the line! I love the anticipation and excitement in this one. And really like this statement: be sure to have it dated, intentions are contention

    Just one suggestion: Change...

    the lady is tenacious
    but daring and curvatious


    To ...

    Daring and curvatious,
    the lady is tenacious


    Okay, folks, continue with Nacian's line: redistribute the thoughts

  3. #13
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    No takers yet on Nacian's line, so I'll give it a try.

    High School English

    "Bob, come up here,"
    the teacher growled.
    "Just look! It's a mess!
    This essay is wild!

    This should be that,
    and that should be there,
    Your premise got lost.
    It's all up in the air!

    It's all over the place
    and has no style!
    Rewrite it at once!
    Should take quite a while.

    Get rid of the shoulds
    and ifs and oughts,
    use pluperfect tense,
    redistribute the thoughts.

    Unless you desire
    to repeat this class,
    try using your head,
    get it out of your a _ _ !


    Next line: you don't understand
    Last edited by Phyllis; October 8th, 2011 at 03:48 AM.

  4. #14
    The Chop

    “You don’t understand!” the butcher said.
    “The chops we sell are always dead.
    There’s no space here for oinking meat,
    that trots and scuttles round my feet.

    “Be off before I call the wife.
    She’ll come in here with her sharp knife
    and make a lovely chop, so neat
    to send you hopping down the street.”

    He stopped and squinted past his nose
    and wondered if he should try prose
    and wished that he had saved the eyes
    when his last pig met its demise.

    He saw only the barest trace
    of this strange customer’s round face
    and cursed his blindness silently
    when hearing then, not one, but three.

    Without a word they pressed in fast.
    The butcher knew this was his last
    and smelt the fearful constitution
    of vicious piggy retribution.


    Next line: Often, when I fall asleep

  5. #15
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    Higguro, wonderful! I love the idea and the way it's written, especially this: There’s no space here for oinking meat, that trots and scuttles round my feet.


    Everyone:
    Remember to offer comments on finished poems.

    These take time to write and deserve our attention and input.



    Next line: Often, when I fall asleep
    Last edited by Phyllis; October 8th, 2011 at 12:13 PM.

  6. #16
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    often when I fall asleep
    I think up to my dreams
    will all the scenes be real?
    and will there be plots of mills
    on board a moonlit beam?
    and soon after I awake
    I draw up all the beats
    the eyes and mind have sealed
    surreal clips of pics.

    Next Line: storms ahead
    Last edited by Nacian; October 9th, 2011 at 07:31 PM.

  7. #17
    Member Zootalaws's Avatar
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    To Simon

    He was 17 when he ended up dead
    He was 17 when he fell on his head
    He will stay 17 till the day I die
    In my memory, still the same lovely guy
    On his bike, round the bends, he storms ahead
    Always close, I could never contain the spread
    But I will grow old and too stiff for a ride
    While he will forever his bike be astride
    In my dreams we chase and laugh and race
    But awake all I am left with, a fading face


    Next line: my hands were tied

  8. #18
    My hands were tied behind my back,
    my head inside a stuffy sack.
    And where’s my wallet? If I’d known
    I’d not have missed my mobile phone
    so much, but that’s what mugging’s are;
    one minute, safely in your car,
    the next face down upon the ground,
    skin red hot, blood pumping round.
    Somewhere nearby I hear the crack
    of leather thongs above my back.
    I start to panic, start to shake,
    shriek out, “Please stop, for heaven’s sake!”
    but still I’m cuffed, a flightless bird;
    I can’t recall the safety word.
    As something flies over my head
    I regret the thing I know I said,
    before the whips and ropes and stuff,
    came out with leather and handcuffs.
    Vicky’s great, she tries you see,
    but takes things way too far for me.

    Next line: If you could see as I do

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zootalaws View Post
    To Simon

    He was 17 when he ended up dead
    He was 17 when he fell on his head
    He will stay 17 till the day I die
    In my memory, still the same lovely guy
    On his bike, round the bends, he storms ahead
    Always close, I could never contain the spread
    But I will grow old and too stiff for a ride
    While he will forever his bike be astride
    In my dreams we chase and laugh and race
    But awake all I am left with, a fading face


    Next line: my hands were tied
    such a deep and truly sad poem Zootalaws...I hope all is all at your end. It is great to have you on board this forum hope you have fun

  10. #20
    Member Zootalaws's Avatar
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    All is fine, thanks Nacian. It was a long, long time ago.

    It was from real life, my best friend died when we were out on a long bike ride - I think of him now and again and still ride, more than 30 years on.

    But I can still see his face, clearly - smiling at me with a fag in one hand and a beer in the other

    Thanks so very much for your post - I think I like it here xxx

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