Use this line in a poem. - Page 24


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Thread: Use this line in a poem.

  1. #231
    The pieces of this puzzle do not fit,
    extending beyond the compass
    Of our board and wit
    Its solution soon will stump us
    But still we try
    And I do know why
    For we are human and inquisitive
    Exploring all the world has got to give.


    Next,
    Numbed I sit in blank despair.
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  2. #232
    Member dither's Avatar
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    Numbed I sit in blank despair,
    what AM I going to do?
    "You worked the line, you've served your time,
    oh lucky lucky you."
    They shake your hand they slap your back,
    they send you on your way,
    And just like that, a life lived and worked,
    there's nothing more to say.


    Does that count?
    Can it, dare I even think of it in the very loosest sense........poetry? If so, may I offer up the following prompt....
    -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Don't pause, don't waver, just do it.
    If i post a comment on a "WIP", LOOK! I'm a reader that's all, and i can only tell how i feel, as a READER, giving/offering feedback. Hoping to learn and grow here. So please, tell me where i'm going wrong.

    Me? I'm just a fly on the wall.

    Look! I'm trying, okay?

    One can but dream, if only i had dared.

    "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong" Mahatma Gandhi.
    Alas, i am weak.

    I must find a way to Eastbourne and i so wish that i could dance.

  3. #233
    Not bad, I like the internal rhyme line, time. The uses of 'they' in,
    They shake your hand they slap your back,
    they send you on your way,
    Made me think if you made it,
    They shake your hand, slap your back,
    And send you on your way,
    It is firstly more concise, nearly always good in a poem and secondly you get the 'hand, and' rhyme.

    Really though, it is not bad at all.

    What really surprises me though is where did "Don't pause, don't waver, just do it." come from? It does not sound like a Dither prompt, but I look forward to seeing what someone does with it.
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  4. #234
    Member dither's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Olly Buckle View Post
    Not bad, I like the internal rhyme line, time. The uses of 'they' in,
    They shake your hand they slap your back,
    they send you on your way,
    Made me think if you made it,
    They shake your hand, slap your back,
    And send you on your way,
    It is firstly more concise, nearly always good in a poem and secondly you get the 'hand, and' rhyme.

    Really though, it is not bad at all.

    What really surprises me though is where did "Don't pause, don't waver, just do it." come from? It does not sound like a Dither prompt, but I look forward to seeing what someone does with it.
    Are we allowed to discuss here?
    Mr.Buckle, basically what I was saying with that prompt is don't dither and the attempt at poetry was about retirement.
    If i post a comment on a "WIP", LOOK! I'm a reader that's all, and i can only tell how i feel, as a READER, giving/offering feedback. Hoping to learn and grow here. So please, tell me where i'm going wrong.

    Me? I'm just a fly on the wall.

    Look! I'm trying, okay?

    One can but dream, if only i had dared.

    "The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong" Mahatma Gandhi.
    Alas, i am weak.

    I must find a way to Eastbourne and i so wish that i could dance.

  5. #235
    Today I’m safe inside the sanctuary
    casual, unconcerned, quiche cooking in the oven
    tomorrow may bring danger
    outside the bug bites still hungry for a host
    children wait for their next meal and I can help
    I can be the difference
    Shall I? Don't waiver, don’t pause, just do it


    On a normal day

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  6. #236
    on a normal day
    a quarter of a million
    homeless orphans
    will be fed by the Hare Krishnas.

    On a normal day
    IBM's will be serviced
    and nuclear power stations
    won't melt down.

    On a normal day
    there will only be
    the usual local wars
    killing the insignificant.

    On a normal day
    more than three hundred
    and fifty thousand babies
    are born to this.


    Next. But there is only one.
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