Turnup the Cat


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Thread: Turnup the Cat

  1. #1

    Turnup the Cat


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    Turnup the Cat

    An angry orange orb, unhappy where it sat
    Teetered on the weathered stoop, its bottom wasn’t flat

    An ominous apparition that freaked the family cat.

    He hawked his own returning, with a yowell and a mew
    Never once suspecting the sight that met his view

    What flick’ring light, as darkness set, grew and grew and grew?


    Suspicion prompted caution, so he arched his back
    Fluffed his tail and swaggered, tho’ the deck was stacked

    And then the fiend in orange launched it’s dread attack!

    Didn’t really take much of a ghostly gusty wind
    To upset the pompous pumpkin, and down the walk it spinned

    And evil grin…and now it’s gone…. then again the grin

    Gravity now played its hand, the drive was sloped and steep
    Each time kitty rolled up on top, he’d chance a fearful peep

    But in his kitty heart of hearts, his desire was to …..BLEEP!

    Now hiss and spit and tizzy fit as Turnup met the fray
    What a gallant effort, did he now display

    But pumpkin took advantage, its feet weren’t in it’s way.

    This is
    what Mrs. Johnson saw as the melee hit the street
    And little Billy saw it too… as it rolled into his sheet!

    The little ghost will never boast, again of trick or treat.
    Last edited by feralpen; October 3rd, 2011 at 03:27 PM. Reason: Addition of much appreciated help
    I once read the back of a box of saltines. The grammar, spelling and punctuation were all perfect. The contents, however were a little bland for my taste. ~ feralpen


  2. #2
    feralpen--you are a magical storyteller, your adept sense of humor is so fun to read, well done! Peace...Jul

  3. #3
    Firemajic;

    So glad you like this kitty tale. Ol' Turnup ('cause he just sort of turned up) is a reoccuring character in several poems and short stories. Thank you for reading and leaving a wonderful comment.

    fp
    I once read the back of a box of saltines. The grammar, spelling and punctuation were all perfect. The contents, however were a little bland for my taste. ~ feralpen


  4. #4
    Member Bluesman's Avatar
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    Aug 2011
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    It,s a little gem i liked it alot keep up the good work. congrats
    In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird that sings.
    Sometimes all our thoughts are misgiven.

  5. #5
    Great piece, made me smile.

  6. #6
    Bluesman;

    Glad you saw the humor in 'Turnup'. He's a fun write.

    fp
    I once read the back of a box of saltines. The grammar, spelling and punctuation were all perfect. The contents, however were a little bland for my taste. ~ feralpen


  7. #7
    egpenny;

    Very happy that Ol' Turnup is being received so well. He doesn't ALWAYS smell this way ... sometimes it's WORSE! Thanks for the visit and great comment.

    fp
    I once read the back of a box of saltines. The grammar, spelling and punctuation were all perfect. The contents, however were a little bland for my taste. ~ feralpen


  8. #8
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    Cute and fun. I could just picture the pumpkin rolling, and love that the pumpkin "attacked." Overall pretty clever.

    I like the rhyme pattern of groups of three same-sound line endings, but it falls apart here:

    Didn’t really take much of ghostly gusty wind
    To upset the pompous pumpkin, and down the walk it went
    And evil grin…and now it’s gone…. and now the grin again!


    If you'd just reword to get the word "grin" to the end of the middle line, it would be consistent with the rest of the poem.
    Last edited by Phyllis; October 2nd, 2011 at 01:55 AM.

  9. #9
    G'morning Phyllis;

    Thank you so much for taking the time to offer up some very good pointers to help me and Turnup. Just as soon as he calms down a bit, we'll see about fixing that errant verse!

    fp
    I once read the back of a box of saltines. The grammar, spelling and punctuation were all perfect. The contents, however were a little bland for my taste. ~ feralpen


  10. #10
    This is so much fun, FP! Great imagery, wonderful storytelling, very engaging and enjoyable. One possible nit, yowell perhaps should be yowl? And I agree with Phyllis regarding that stanza. I've taken the liberty to play a bit, I hope you don't mind. It's not great, but I figured I'd share anyway.

    Didn’t really take much of ghostly gusty wind (stresses of didn't seem to be a bit off, perhaps did not, not sure, my ear is deaf today, grain of salt)
    To upset the pompous pumpkin, and down the walk it went (humble suggestion to keep the rhyme, ...down the walk it took a spin
    And evil grin…and now it’s gone…. and now the grin again! (an evil grin...and then it's gone...and now again the grin) I switched one of the nows for then

    Altered, it would look like this:

    Did not really take much of ghostly gusty wind
    To upset the pompous pumpkin, down the walk it took a spin

    An evil grin...and then it's gone...and now again the grin

    Not good, I know, but perhaps it'll stir something so much better in your wonderful mind. Thanks for sharing, FP, love to smile early in the day, too bad I never end it the same way.

    Best
    Lisa

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