How about sharing some of your favourite jokes? [Objectionable Content Warning] - Page 2


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Thread: How about sharing some of your favourite jokes? [Objectionable Content Warning]

  1. #11
    How many Alzheimers sufferers does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

    To get to the other side.

  2. #12
    Honoured/Sadly Missed Courtjester's Avatar
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    Two beggars are sitting on a pavement somewhere in Ireland. One is holding a large Cross and the other a large Star of David. Both have hats in front of them to collect contributions. The people walking by lift their noses at the man holding the Star of David, but they do drop money in the other one’s hat. Soon one hat is nearly full while the other one remains empty.


    A priest watches the men and then approaches them. Turning to the one with the Star of David, he says: ‘Don’t you realise that this is a Christian country? You’ll never get any contributions here with a Star of David.’ The man holding it turns to his companion with the Cross and whispers: ‘Oy, Hymie, look who’s trying to teach us marketing!’
    [CENTER][B][I][SIZE=3][FONT=times new roman]Even though the darkest clouds are in the sky,
    You mustn’t sigh and you mustn’t cry.
    Spread a little happiness, as you go by.

    [/FONT][/SIZE][/I][/B][B][I][FONT=Times New Roman]O:)[/FONT][/I][/B]
    [SIZE=2]
    [/SIZE]
    [/CENTER]

  3. #13
    Member Bluesman's Avatar
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    Duck goes into the chemist's shop. 'A tube of lipsol please.' 'Certainly, that will be fifty pence.' 'Put it on my bill, please.'
    In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird that sings.
    Sometimes all our thoughts are misgiven.

  4. #14
    Bluesman - that should definately been in the 'jokes that make you groan' thread.

  5. #15
    Member Bluesman's Avatar
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    yes Amber i agree..... Groannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn hahaha
    In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird that sings.
    Sometimes all our thoughts are misgiven.

  6. #16
    WF Veteran Bilston Blue's Avatar
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    To fall in with the EU, Irish motorists will have to start driving on the right. There'll be a three month trial for buses and taxis, and if successful cars will follow suit.
    "I think a life is a plot. It's probably the elementary plot. I came across a quotation of Patrick White, the Australian writer, just about the time I needed it. He said he never bothers with plot. He just writes about life 'limping along toward death.' That made me feel much better, to keep this in my mind."

    Carol Shields.

  7. #17
    A teller of tall tales DuKane's Avatar
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    How many folk singers does it take to change a light bulb?
    Ten, two to do the job and eight to sing about how great the old one was.

    Two people riding a tandem. Dog runs out and throws a bucket of water over them.
    What d'you call a man with no arms or legs in a swimming pool? Bob.
    What d'you call a man with a shovel in his head?
    Doug

    What d'you call a nun with a washing machine on her head? Sister Matic



  8. #18
    Honoured/Sadly Missed Courtjester's Avatar
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    Two goldfish are swimming around in a fish bowl. One goldfish asks the other, ‘Do you think there’s a God?’

    First fish: ‘Of course there’s a God.’

    Second fish: ‘What makes you so certain there’s a God?’

    First fish: ‘Someone changes the water.’
    Last edited by Courtjester; September 7th, 2011 at 10:13 AM.
    [CENTER][B][I][SIZE=3][FONT=times new roman]Even though the darkest clouds are in the sky,
    You mustn’t sigh and you mustn’t cry.
    Spread a little happiness, as you go by.

    [/FONT][/SIZE][/I][/B][B][I][FONT=Times New Roman]O:)[/FONT][/I][/B]
    [SIZE=2]
    [/SIZE]
    [/CENTER]

  9. #19
    Honoured/Sadly Missed Courtjester's Avatar
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    ‘God gave humankind fire and they invented fire engines;
    He gave them love and they invented marriage.’
    [CENTER][B][I][SIZE=3][FONT=times new roman]Even though the darkest clouds are in the sky,
    You mustn’t sigh and you mustn’t cry.
    Spread a little happiness, as you go by.

    [/FONT][/SIZE][/I][/B][B][I][FONT=Times New Roman]O:)[/FONT][/I][/B]
    [SIZE=2]
    [/SIZE]
    [/CENTER]

  10. #20
    Member Bluesman's Avatar
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    Dad’s Response

    I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 66).
    We decided to grab a bite at the food court.
    I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him...
    The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors - green, red, orange, and blue.
    My dad kept staring at her.
    The teenager kept looking and would find my dad staring every time.
    When the teenager had had enough, she sarcastically asked: "What's the matter
    old man, never done anything wild in your life?"
    Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response.


    I knew he would have a good one!
    In classic style he responded without batting an eyelid....
    "Got stoned once and screwed a parrot. Just wondering if you were my daughter."
    In a tree by the brook, there's a songbird that sings.
    Sometimes all our thoughts are misgiven.

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