Uncut, unedited


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  1. #1

    Uncut, unedited

    I hate.
    Whom
    I have
    Become.
    Because
    I Love
    You.

    I sip bourbon alone on this perfect summer night.
    The kind of night that haunts me in my dreams.
    Hope for,
    Yearn for…
    Something.
    That which.
    I can no longer remember,
    but…
    Still feel.
    Deep within me
    Within the chasm of my life.

    The air is
    Perfect.
    Saturated.
    Suffocating.
    breathe.
    breathe.
    Breathe it.
    BREATHE IT!
    Drown in the lies created by your mind.
    Perfect lies, perfect night…

    I am the black.
    I am the white.
    the wisps of gray lost in the in-between.
    A fleeting thought,
    neither here nor there.
    The lazy tendrils of smoke
    That tumble from my cigar,
    From my lips,
    Lost and forgotten in a
    moment
    from
    my breath.
    MY BREATH…

    You unbalance
    the balance
    of
    My life.
    Ripples in the glassy still
    An aftershock of your undeniable beauty.

    I hear the cicadas,
    The thunder of their staccato melody
    As it fractures the silence of the night.

    I hate.
    I love.
    I loved.
    You.

    Betrayed
    I feel
    It.
    You.

    I wipe the spit from my face
    As I try to collect the fragments of my life,
    From the gutter in the road.
    Fragments that hold.
    That held...
    All I am, all whom I hoped to be.
    And I am left here.
    Alone
    To rebuild
    My world.
    A world I no longer remember how to build.

    A single
    Tear.
    Rolls down.
    my cheek.
    MY cheek.
    Hits.
    My lip.
    My breathe.
    MY BREATHE.
    I hate.
    I love.
    You.
    Last edited by Chrispian; December 22nd, 2011 at 10:47 PM. Reason: Admin test of Edit Function. Disregard this edit.
    The Freedom to Dream...

  2. #2
    Banned
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Location
    London
    Posts
    1,244
    Amasing words..great style.
    I hope you're Ok..

  3. #3
    This is a dark--twisted--hellish poem, lots of drama and angst.. maybe a little over done---NOT! Very well done. " I hate who I have become because I love you"---Oh I know exactly what you are saying. Been there--done that--NOT going to do that again. Your talent is in not being afraid to show your naked emotions---the good--the bad and the ugly...I applaud you for that. Peace...Jul

  4. #4
    Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2011
    Location
    rural Minnesota
    Posts
    17
    Hi NicB,

    I sometimes wish there was a genre called "therapy", or "Been there done that." You are raw, dark, and in pain. I mean your work is.

    I am the black.
    I am the white.
    the wisps of gray lost in the in-between.
    A fleeting thought,
    neither here nor there.
    The lazy tendrils of smoke
    That tumble from my cigar,
    From my lips,
    Lost and forgotten in a
    moment
    from
    my breath.
    MY BREATH… (I love this)
    It has a dreamy feeling to it. I also bring to mind the surreal experience that can take place when reality is clouded by over consumption.
    I also enjoy the way you change font style to convey a new feeling, a new memory, or new experience. It makes it easier for me to switch gears and prepare for your message.
    This is great. Thanks.

  5. #5
    What a great way to say I love you and you don't care. I agree with FireMajic that you are not over the top. I would add that you are close though. If I had to nit pick, and I do have to, it's in my nature, I would say "the chasm of my life" is an awkward image Maybe "the chasm which has become my life"? Still, very good, keep bringing them to us.
    The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

  6. #6
    I especially liked 'the wisps of gray lost in the in-between'. This worked really well for me.

  7. #7
    I really like this man. Can relate too which I personally find a bonus with writing. Nice

  8. #8
    thanks all, glad you enjoyed it!
    The Freedom to Dream...

  9. #9
    Member Sita's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Inside your mind.
    Posts
    12
    Amazing. There are no other words for it.

  10. #10
    wow. I feel like you are speaking just to me.

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