Review For Local Cafe

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  1. #1

    Review For Local Cafe

    This is a review for a local cafe I've been working on. Obviously it needs an ending, but ignoring that bit, what could be improved?

    Presumably named after the short-lived jazz club of Greenwich Village, Café Bohemia prides itself on “serving home made desserts [and] locally roasted coffees”, targeting the tastes of the “indie” community as well as the refined coffee connoisseur.

    The coffee shop, based in downtown St. Pete, affirms a uniqueness that is unrivaled; inside, the café provides a small library of classic novels, plays, and poetry for the refined reader, stacked casually over a vintage, cocktail-table style Pac-Man game. Outside, guests will find a quaint courtyard that, one can imagine, is especially pretty in Fall.

    After ordering a slice of coffee cake with my Café Mocha, I was pleasantly surprised to find that, instead of plain serving platters, the plates and cups were just as colorful as the rest of the café. The coffee itself, as is to be expected, trumps most from other java shops in St. Pete. Steaming and frothy – a touch of cinnamon would have made it the perfect cup of coffee.

    The café’s seasonal menu offers a diverse range of options, including locally grown ingredients for the fussy Locavore, and vegan alternatives. The “croissants are to die for” says one St. Pete local, who often frequents Café Bohemia; the menu also features soups, salads, and sandwiches with quirky names like “The Romantic” and “The Musician”.

    To say nothing of Café Bohemia’s contribution to the community would be an insult; the café, in affiliation with “St. Pete For Peace”, screens documentaries which cater to the socially conscious population. In addition to film, Café Bohemia lends itself to live musicians, and any artist willing to brave an open mic; visual artists, too, find a friend in Café Bohemia, the walls of which bear extraordinary, thought-provoking pieces.
    Wherever I sat - on the deck of a ship or at a street café in Paris or Bangkok - I would be sitting under the same glass bell jar, stewing in my own sour air.

  2. #2
    This is a great start. You have all the elements you need in a good review and your writing style is very clear and understandable.

    Things you can improve:

    Elaborate on what you mean when you say "indie" community. Do you mean young people? People who dress a certain way? Listen to certain music? A more elaborate description of the typical customer will really give life to the cafe immediately. I would move a longer description of the clientele out of the first sentence, keeping it short. Stick with the opener about where the name came from (although maybe check with the owners and then get rid of the presumably), what it serves, and maybe where it's located, then move on to atmosphere, including details about the customer base.

    Move the description of the menu to before the bit where you talk about what you ordered. It just makes more sense to have a description of the options followed by what you picked. I would definitely go into more detail about the menu. What items were local produce? I like the quote about the croissants. Describe what goes into the sandwiches you named. You say there is a diverse range of options, go ahead and give me some detailed examples. What makes this menu different from the average cafe menu? Mention your favorite item and what was good about it, and maybe also talk about something you weren't so crazy about. The description of the coffee is great.

    I am not a semi-colon expert, but I'm almost positive you don't need any of the ones you put in here. There can be a period after "says one St. Pete local, who often frequents Cafe Bohemia" and after "contribution to the community would be an insult" and after "open mic". There's just no reason not to have those spots be two seperate sentences. It reads easier that way too.

    I think talking about community contributions is great and really adds to the story of this cafe. As far as ending it goes, I think you could probably wrap it up quickly. Say something about the good food, good atmosphere, and how much you want to go back again. Mention the address, hours open, price range, and maybe the date and time of the next open mic.

  3. #3
    WF Veteran Bloggsworth's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Leafy suburb of North London
    First thing - get rid of Presumably, it implies a lack of knowledge on your part, and you're supposed to be the expert and guiding your readers, if the first word introduces a note of doubt, why should they believe what you say later. It should be easy enough to phone up and ask, and if they don't know, don't introduce it on that note at all. Lose the inverted commas around indie or you will appear to be introducing a kind of cultural apartheid , ordinary people may conclude that "It's not for us". Introduce the name of the café immediately, it is almost the most important thing in the review. If it is unique, it can obviously have no rivals, so no need to qualify it.

    Based in downtown St. Pete, Café Bohemia prides itself on “serving home made desserts and locally roasted coffees”. Targeting the tastes of the indie community as well as the refined coffee connoisseur it boasts a small library of classic novels, plays, and poetry for the refined reader, stacked casually over a vintage, cocktail-table style Pac-Man game. For the fresh air lover the small courtyard is particularly attractive in the fall.
    Last edited by Bloggsworth; August 4th, 2011 at 06:34 PM.
    A man in possession of a wooden spoon must be in want of a pot to stir.


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