Fringe of Madness (story series experiment) - Page 2


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Thread: Fringe of Madness (story series experiment)

  1. #11
    Jaded, be nice.............! Reserve spelling errors for the second draft!

  2. #12
    I hope you will bear with the story and keep telling me where I make mistakes (spelling or otherwise) ^^
    I'm only doing what I'm told.
    Hidden Content - My works of fiction, in handy blog format.

  3. #13
    Quote Originally Posted by The Jaded View Post
    Exquisitely and certifiably insane would be the best way to describe this wonderful mess you're building. I enjoyed those.

    Only one question, why would an inconvenience store have a door? Would it not be more inconvenient if patrons were required to use an upstairs window or something? (For that matter, why is there - no, I'm gonna stop before I get a headache).

    Oh, and it's usually spelled "groaned" not "growned".
    First off - thanks for correcting my spelling, because I am collecting all those little fixes for the (slightly more) final version. The same goes for all kinds of criticism - please hit me! Still thanks to powerskris for coming to my aid even though I didn't need it

    The inconvenience store has of course a door, because it is not meant for the inconvenience of its customers, but rather for that of the customers' customers. At least that's how it should be in theory. With Mag as a salesperson there, most customers would probably sigh with relief if they would find the place locked and a month later when everybody found out that it was them who put the bloodworms in the CEO's hemorrhoid cushion they will practically beg the heavens, that it was all just a bad dream or that the place would indeed have had no door for them to enter.

    Oh before I forget it: The Jaded, I tried to post a reply to the latest story on your blog, but it simply deleted it. I really liked the story with those two space cowboys that found what turned out to be an alien spaceship. A pity it's just a short story that left me hanging (I want more), but it was really good
    Last edited by MadBen; June 18th, 2011 at 07:08 PM.
    "Fair enough, but to some people, getting Sherlock Holmes wrong is like offering
    a Bacon Butty to a Rabbi."
    -- Pilgrim

  4. #14
    After reworking it several times, here is chapter 3, which introduces the world of The Fringe of Madness. Let me begin by copying a post I added to my blog yesterday, followed by the chapter itself. And yes, it is indeed the Grin Reaper.

    Before posting the next chapter I would like to take a moment to talk about the different ideas I had about how the world of the Fringe of Madness has come to be. Naturally it could not simply be a ball of varied dirt orbiting a ball of burning other dirt (who would want to live on a world like that anyway), but what kind of universal genesis would be both funny and not too ridiculous?

    Could a child blowing a bubble from a piece of gum actually be creating a universe starting with the inflation and ending with the big pop (you must agree that many worlds seem to work like that)? Maybe, but I know that it would take some effort to surgically remove my palm from my own face after having to read a story that uses such a mode of world creation.

    After other ideas that were sometimes too macabre to write about them in detail (such as a world inhabiting someone’s brain cancer), I chose something more mundane as you will see in chapter 3, where the world is introduced.
    I hope you enjoy reading it.
    Fringe of Madness, Chapter 3

    The fog thickened as the night drew closer to dawn. It wafted over plains and wallowed in valleys. It invaded remote villages and shook a fist at the mountains that dared defy it. The fog was not just any ordinary fog. It was the fog that made the world. And it did so by signing its name in blood on the last page of a book called "Practical jokes for the adventurous accountant" just before dying from spontaneous anemia. The spirit of the once famous author George Snorewell now wandered the world it had created in the fateful moment, when the man's sanity had been shattered in one fell swoop. The dangers of occult literature are often underestimated and, believe me, there is nothing more occult than a book that can make an accountant laugh.

    The fringeworld received its name from its close vicinity to the falls of eternal night, where the torrent of madness ever threatens to precipitate its drop into the abyss. However, for reasons yet unknown it only spins slowly, thereby creating day and night as the madness illuminates one side, while the other is swallowed in darkness. Seasons are caused by the cyclic changes in activity of the central volcanic mountains, where a large and hideously ugly demon is said to be smoking his pipe. This is, of course, incorrect. She is actually quite attractive with large... tracts of land. If you ever hear of a land where milk and honey flow, please make sure never to pay it a visit. Or, at the very least, don't bring your kids.

    The people of the fringeworld appeared one after the other from the shattered dreams of poor Snorewell's mind. Due to his unique interests and tragic demise, they ranged from men to monsters and sadly included a lot of politicians and accountants as well. At this point I would like to point out, that I have no wish to insult accountants. You can stop pointing that knife at my left eye now. As I was about to say, many strange and ominous creatures populated the fringeworld, which almost makes it a place like everywhere else, if it wasn't for small details. Basically fringeworlders are far more literal-minded and they like taking an idea much further than people of other worlds. Where normal people might accept or even adopt an idea, fringeworlders would often marry, divorce and sue it for custody of the children as well. This brought about great discoveries and inventions such as telefission, the infernal digestion engine or the inconvenience store. But this great and progressive world was not without its problems and pitfalls. It had a date with the Grin Reaper and everybody had to do their part to save it from almost certain destruction.
    Last edited by MadBen; June 18th, 2011 at 09:18 PM.
    "Fair enough, but to some people, getting Sherlock Holmes wrong is like offering
    a Bacon Butty to a Rabbi."
    -- Pilgrim

  5. #15
    Nice work. You really paint a good picture of a twisted world. It's rather frightening to imagine.
    Oddly enough, Chapter two reminds me of an episode of Dr who where an old man builds some machine that makes him young again, where he then turns into some giant praying mantis creature.

  6. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by zippo360 View Post
    Nice work. You really paint a good picture of a twisted world. It's rather frightening to imagine.
    Oddly enough, Chapter two reminds me of an episode of Dr who where an old man builds some machine that makes him young again, where he then turns into some giant praying mantis creature.
    Thanks I hope you will read the next chapters as well and I am always happy about comments, especially ones with ideas!
    I think I might use a "praying mantis" somewhere. Ideas are already spouting from my mind like... things that are to unwholesome to describe. I must note them down, before they escape with the cookie jar
    "Fair enough, but to some people, getting Sherlock Holmes wrong is like offering
    a Bacon Butty to a Rabbi."
    -- Pilgrim

  7. #17
    ch3 was ok, not as good as the other two... especially not after I got to this: This is, of course, incorrect. She is actually quite attractive with large... tracts of land. That's blatantly ripping off of monty python. Tsk tsk tsk

  8. #18
    WF Veteran Bilston Blue's Avatar
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    Your intro before chapter three had me thinking of Dr. Seuss's Horton Hears A Who, about a world existing on a speck of dust, and how an elephant is trying to protect that speck of dust.

    I like what you've done here, and, apart from the concept you've developed, I think what I like best of all is how well you take the reader into your creation in so few words, which is a great skill to have.

    Spelling: truely = truly

    You have a thing about using commas before the adjective that. It is unnecessary, and tends to interrupt the flow of sentences.

    Also
    "I would like to register a complaint",
    This may or may not be a typo, but the comma should be inside the quotation marks.

    Good luck with this, give it the time it deserves.

    Scott.

  9. #19
    Ha, I loved the first chapter. An Inconvenience Store is absolutely brilliant. The second and third chapters were great too, of course, but I feel what you captured in the first chapter is on another level.

    I'm inspired by your madness to take my own madness to new heights. The other day I wrote a short story about a couple of pensioners sitting on a cloud sipping tea, so it may be difficult to reach much higher... but I'll try dammit!

    I'm pondering- is your plot plan, (whether actually written down or simply thought about), to have the character from the first chapter as the protagonist, and the character from the second as the antagonost? I think it'd be quite interesting for him to shift everytime one of her clients makes use of a product, and eventually he gets so fed up of it that, in normal form, he hunts out the root of all the 'inconvenience' and finds her shop.

    Anyhow- if you ever complete a novel, I'd happilly buy and read it. Or at least I would when I get back into a reading habbit. I'm just coming out of a month of Ican'tbeassedness. Thanks for the read and I'll be keeping an eye out for more of your work

  10. #20
    Member Ladyhawk's Avatar
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    I'm having a little trouble sleeping so I popped on to have a quick nose at the forum and stumbled across your post.

    I'm truly in aw at the madness of your story so far. Itís utterly bizarre yet strangely gripping. The first two chapters had me giggling (not something I do often when I read) or scrunching up my face trying to picture the characters and scenes because they were soÖ odd, yet a loveable fantastic kind of odd.

    The third chapter didnít hold my attention quite as much as the first two, then again, it is five thirty in the morning and I havenít been to sleep yet. I think it deserves to be read again with fresh rested eyes.

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