If Only


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Thread: If Only

  1. #1

    If Only

    If only I had taken
    a snapshot
    every time she smiled,
    my walls would be adorned
    with her abundant beauty.

    If only I had hugged her
    every time I had the urge,
    these empty arms
    would not seem so useless.

    If only I had truly listened
    every time she spoke,
    the wisdom of her words
    would still echo in my ears.

    If only I had lingered
    just a little longer
    in that sterile room
    where machines sustained
    her failing body,
    she would not have died
    alone.

    If only Death
    could have been coaxed
    to a bargaining table
    and convinced to accept
    a bribe to relinquish
    its steadfast hold
    on her soul.

    If only I could embrace her
    just once more
    to whisper an apology
    for everything I'd done
    and all we never accomplished.

    i-f-o-n-l-y-
    six innocent letters
    arranged just so
    by some sick sadist
    so long ago
    to create an ingenious
    torture device
    that will survive
    until the end of time
    destroying the lives
    of those left behind.


    In light of recent revelations, I thought this piece would be topical. Unfortunately, it was swept away in the cleanse, so I had to repost in order to share.

  2. #2
    I quite like this piece, especially the last stanza. This stanza could stand alone and make an excellent short. Only a thought.

    Thanks for an enjoyable read.

    Lover

  3. #3
    vary nice, and I agree with the above, last stanza was amazing keep up the good work!

  4. #4
    Dear Lover, It's been too long a while, I'm glad to see you back. Elated you enjoyed the piece. If I remember correctly, some of your pieces were very clever snippets, unfortunately, I'm too much of a blabbermouth to be brief. I do agree with you 100%, though, the final stanza is the bottom line and would stand pretty well on its own. Thank you, I never realized it could before you said so.


    Dear Chief, Danke, hon, truly appreciated. I'll make a deal with you, I'll keep up the good work as long as you do so right along side me. You're coming into your own, and it is a distinct honor to be a witness to your continuing success.

    My sincere thanks to you both, this piece means a great deal to me.

    Best,
    Lisa

    Note: There are a great number of pieces on the board that I need to respond to, please don't feel neglected. My on-time is short today, my daughter needs the computer for school work. I should be able to catch up with everything tomorrow, so don the hazmat suits my pretties. *cackles while vigorously rubbing hands*

  5. #5
    Lisa,

    What a wonderful work of art. The whole poem hits home for me with what I've been going through these past 6 months.

    to create an ingenious
    torture device
    that will survive
    until the end of time
    destroying the lives
    of those left behind.
    IMO, this is what those devices to keep people alive (like they are doing with my father) are, torture devices......... as we have to watch him wrestling for each and every breath and keep cleaning his kidneys 4 hours, 3 days a week, only to see him exhausted and wanting to close his eyes forever. If only..........

  6. #6
    WF Veteran SilverMoon's Avatar
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    Lisa, this is one of your most moving pieces, so well executed and a theme I believe most of us adults can relate to. If only we had done more.

    As you know my dear uncle passed last year. I wanted to write a poem for him. Just for him. I think of all the poems we shared with each other. Maybe just two days of work which would have lasted in his memory a long time before he died. But then I remind myself of the times I made him laugh, think, feel wanted as the rest of the family could give a hoot about a man in his 90's.

    So, your poem reached me very deeply. It's one I'll be reading again.

    I thought this was brilliant.

    i-f-o-n-l-y-
    six innocent letters
    arranged just so
    “The man who cannot visualize a horse galloping on a tomato is an idiot.”
    Andre Breton

  7. #7
    Global Moderator Squalid Glass's Avatar
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    I actually thought the last stanza was unnecessary. I thought ending the piece right before it would have been more powerful. End on an image instead of exposition.

    Regardless, I really enjoyed this piece. Very moving.
    "I don't do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision."

    "America I've given you all and now I'm nothing."

  8. #8
    This poem reminds me of my heroine. My Grandmother. I truly do miss her. Thanks for making me cry. Very nice poem and emotion evoking.
    “Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia.”
    E. L. Doctorow

  9. #9
    Lisa-you KNOW I love it-and you know why...Dammit Girl you just made me cry...

  10. #10
    Lisa - this is a very moving piece of writing, the whole poem is great from beginning to end - the first two stanzas especially made me think to value the time I have with my two very young children, and savor the moments we have - and take nothing for granted -

    I like the use of the recurring phrase, which grew in meaning as the piece went along - the 4th stanza really makes an impact, and makes the reader really pay attention and tread softly -

    ---todd

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