If Only - Page 2


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Thread: If Only

  1. #11
    Lisa I really adored this, it's got a very raw grief to it and I felt as though I were following a distraught train of mind trying to find the logic in such a sad event. A lot of guilt on the shoulders of this narrator, I like the use of 'I'- puts me in mind of suvivors guilt, those left behind. I do feel that the last stanza slightly jars with the bulk of the poem because of the change from 'I', it's brilliant and as emotional as the others but I agree with Squalid Glass, it could stand on it's own. But that's just personal preference on my part.

    Really beautifully done.
    I want something good to die for
    To make it beautiful to live

  2. #12
    This brought a tear to my eye, Lisa. I have to agree with Squalid Glass that it would be more powerful sans the last stanza. Such a moving piece of work, indeed.

    Vicki
    Last edited by Lady S; May 31st, 2011 at 11:58 AM.
    spiorad saor in aisce

  3. #13
    Well done. You have done a marvelous job of capturing the emotion behind "if only".

    Cheifspider, I can't help noticing your continuous misspelling of "very". The word "vary" is used for something with variation.
    Last edited by Isaiah Lake; May 31st, 2011 at 03:53 PM.

  4. #14
    Beautiful, Lisa. Very moving.
    "The greatest achievement was at first and for a time a dream. The oak sleeps in the acorn, the bird waits in the egg, and in the highest vision of the soul a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of realities." ~ James Allen

    "Use what talents you possess: the woods would be very silent if no birds sang there except those that sang best." ~ Henry Van Dyke

  5. #15
    Dear Cindy, I am sorry to hear of your father's illness. I will be praying for continued strength for you. If only is a torture device no matter what it's applied to, I used death, but the darn thing knows no boundaries. Hang in there, love, and thank you for taking a few precious moments to share with me and for the kindness of your words.


    Dear Law, If I made you think of John and the good times, then this is truly a success. This was written before I learned to stop dwelling, now it's only the good times I dwell on. One must move on or succumb to becoming the living dead. I chose life as Mom would have wanted. Thanks so much for brilliant, hesitated to use the letters that way, thought it might be too gimmicky, glad you didn't think so.


    Dear SG, No doubt you're correct, but the final stanza was written first and all the preceding stanzas were born from it. Therefore, I am too fond of it to nix it. I'm elated you were able to enjoy despite it, very moving is a great compliment, thank you.


    Dear Scott, Sorry for those tears, truly I am. I dislike making people cry. I can only hope they were bittersweet and not just the byproduct of loss. Thank you so much, I am honored I could bring your Gram to mind.


    Dear Jul, Actually, love, this was posted because of you so I'm thrilled it resonated with you. Sorry for those tears, though. Thanks for taking a moment to let me know how you felt, your opinion of this one was highly coveted.


    Dear Todd, Thanks so much, such words mean a great deal coming from you. I love you right about now, you got the reason for the piece, if if only taught me anything, it was to cherish every moment of every day with loved ones. No one's guaranteed tomorrow. So happy the progression worked well for you.


    Dear Nenada, Just can't let go of that final stanza. It's good to know the grief is that palpable, this was written at the height of it and once penned the healing began. It was a Sunday morning with the bells from the church around the corner pealing so beautifully and I was crying. The final stanza was playing over and over in my head and "What do you regret, Lisa?" popped into my mind. Then the other stanzas came and I finally found peace, putting it into words and sharing made the hurt so much less. I am touched that it touched you.


    Dear Vicki, Ugh, more tears, so sorry love. Although general consensus dictates I should remove the final stanza, I just can't get rid of what started this milestone. Thank you, love, "moving piece of work" means the world coming from you.


    Dear Isaiah, Danke, hon, I'm glad you think I did a sufficient job in capturing that which those nasty six letters tormented me with.


    My sincere thanks to you all for sharing a few of your precious moments with me, and again, I'm sorry for those tears.

    All my best,
    Lisa

  6. #16
    This one is truly beautiful, Lisa. It makes me want to go hug all my loved ones, thank you for the wonderful and heartfelt reminder to not waste a moment we have.
    There is no life I know
    To compare with pure imagination.
    Living there you’ll be free
    If you truly wish to be.~ Willy Wonka

  7. #17
    Lisa, this utterly beautiful poem of yours has left me sobbing at my machine. My mom passed 5 years ago now and your words said everything better than I have ever been able to. Thank you for such stunning writing!

  8. #18
    Thank you so much my dear Cin. If I can get just one person to take the time to do what I didn't thus sparing them being tortured by if only in the future, then this piece is my most prized and valuable possession. Both you and Todd expressed a desire to do just that, the way I see it, you guys have made me the richest person on the face of the earth.

    Big hugs,
    Me

  9. #19
    Dear Jinxi, We were posting simultaneously, so I missed you. I am so sorry you've lost your Mom, and you're so young, my heart aches for you so much. Sorry for the tears, it seems I'm making an awful lot of people cry, that makes me sad. To be honest, I used to cry every time I read this one, and I read it hundreds of times. Got that lump in my throat and then the tears would roll. Nothing entices tears like looking at your regrets nicely typed up in black and white, but because of it, I won't make those same mistakes again. I am honored that my words expressed your feelings, also. I know that I am always moved when someone writes a piece saying something that I can't put into words myself no matter how I try. It's really nice to be the mover instead of the movee for a change. I believe the experience of loss is quite similar for us all, and since I'm lousy at writing heartfelt stuff, that you were touched in turn touches me. It is you who deserves my thanks.

    Best,
    Lisa

  10. #20

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