OLD MONEY

Visitor: Good morning.

Cashier: Good morning.

Visitor: I have a hundred in old tenners here and Iíd like to exchange them for the new notes.

Cashier: Oh, you would, would you? Well, this should have been done by Monday and itís Wednesday now. Why have you brought them in so late?

Visitor: I know I should have done this earlier, but the money belongs to my wife and sheís only just noticed that itís out of date.

Cashier: Has she now? Itís a pity she didnít spot that earlier.

Visitor: Yes it is, but as it happens I phoned your manager and was told that itís all right for you to swap the cash now.

Cashier: This is very irregular but Iíll oblige you without consulting my boss. Anyway, why hasnít your wife come in herself?

Visitor: Because she isnít well enough.

Cashier: Whatís wrong with her?

Visitor: She has arthritis, but I donít see what that has to do with you.

Cashier: It wouldnít do you any harm to humour me. How long has she had this problem?

Visitor: A couple of years.

Cashier: Are you looking after her properly?

Visitor: Of course I am. Are you satisfied now?

Cashier: Not quite. How long have you been married?

Visitor: Forty-two years.

Cashier: Ah, I thought as much.

Visitor: What do mean by that?

Cashier: Itís simple enough. Forty-two is six times seven. Thatís the seven-year itch, sixth time around. Youíve probably been looking elsewhere and neglecting the poor woman, so this ailment is an outward manifestation of her inner pain.

Visitor: Iím so sorry to hear that. As a matter of fact we havenít been getting on too well recently.

Cashier: There, you see. If youíd been treating the lady properly, she wouldnít have landed you with this old money problem. What sheís really doing is crying for your attention. Itís high time for you to show that you really care.

Visitor: For a person who seems to be less than half my age, you appear to know a lot about these matters.

Cashier: Age doesnít have much to do with it. Iím a married woman and I do know plenty about suffering.

Visitor: You appear to conflate wedlock with misery. I donít see why.

Cashier: No, you wouldnít. However, I canít spend all day discussing your affairs.

Visitor: Pardon me, madam, but you started this. I came here on a simple errand and you sailed into me in this unwarranted way.

Cashier: Iíve finished now.

Visitor: What a relief. How about the shiny new banknotes?

Cashier: Oh, yes. One hundred in tens. Here you are. And make sure you spend some of it on that poor woman.

Visitor: You seem to have forgotten that itís her money.

Cashier: Donít quibble. Just buy her something nice. She wonít mind whose cash it is. Now pull yourself together and start giving her the affection she needs.

Visitor: Iíll see what I can do. Goodbye and thanks for the advice.

Cashier: Youíre welcome. Have a nice day.

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