A rain haiku

**Martin** · May 4th, 2011, 02:21 AM

It's just after rain,
leaves are heavy from water
and forests still drip.

**Martin** · May 6th, 2011, 01:38 PM

I realise I kinda gave in for the need of satisfying the traditional 5-7-5 structure. My excuse was, that the fill words would signify more of an experienced feel. I guess the piece should rather read:

After rain
leaves are heavy from water;
forests still drip.

**Trides** · May 7th, 2011, 03:27 AM

Yeah, I prefer the new version. Haikus are about minimalism, aren't they? Although I was a bit bothered because I took "leaves are heavy from water" and "forests still drip" for repetitions of the same basic idea.

**Martin** · May 7th, 2011, 07:59 PM

Thanks Trides. I can't help but agree with you.

**A Saucerful of Secrets** · May 8th, 2011, 01:29 PM

I agree with Trides, and think the revised version reads much better, thanks for sharing.

Kind regards,

Saucerful

**0rganic** · June 26th, 2011, 01:18 AM

Originally Posted by Martin

It's just after rain,
leaves are heavy from water
and forests still drip.

think of a way to write it without words that convey no meaning

example: it's, are, and

**Trides** · July 1st, 2011, 02:57 AM

@0rganic: see post #2

**Bloggsworth** · July 2nd, 2011, 05:40 PM

Originally Posted by Trides

Haikus are about minimalism, aren't they?

No - Haiku are a very precisely structured and have a well defined form.
That said, the original is a good Haiku and I would only make one change, the word from should be changed to with, as it is more inclusive, tying the water and leaves together.